Several years ago I was brutally beaten, raped and held hostage for over 3 hours! I managed to escape using my brain and my gift of gab!! This is an up close and personal view of what goes through the mind during a brutal
attack and what it takes to live to tell bout it.

As one who has survived and lived through this horrific experience I can share all I did to stay alive! I share this with all women young and old and only one goal in mind. God forbid you ever find yourself in this situation maybe , just maybe this knowledge could save your life one day.

Several years ago, 2:30am, I awoke with a start asking "whose there?" Frantically scanning my surroundings I suddenly noticed a pair of eyes staring up at me from the foot of my bed. At first I was completely confused, I thought "this strange man made a mistake and is in the wrong apartment by accident." I do not believe the mind can fully comprehend what is about to take place given the gravity of the situation. There is a delay in processing. When I was able to understand the reality of the situation, I was gripped by pure fear. Next, the involuntary response of screaming takes place, that however, set everything else in motion. I fought like hell, but was quickly overpowered. His final blow to my face was so hard it put me into a state of autonomic response. . Once I stopped trying to hit him, he stopped hitting me.

If I had one piece of advice to give , I would say this.

*****UNLESS YOU ARE 100% SURE YOU CAN HURT TO MAIM OR KILL, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ATTACK YOUR

ASSAILANT!!!*****

*****i HAD A WEAPON A 2 POUND WRENCH SITTING ON MY NIGHTSTAND, i KNEW IF I PICKED THAT UP

AND HESITATED FOR 1 SECOND HE WOULD HAVE BEAT ME TO DEATH!!!!! I AVERTED MY EYES FROM

THE WRENCH AND PRAYED HE DIDN'T NOTICE!! IT WORKED AND I AM HERE TODAY BECAUSE I DID NOT

PICK THAT WEAPON UP!!*****Sorry for the all caps, but I needed to drive the point home.

We have all heard to try and vomit or urinate on your attacker anything to deter them. Unfortunately reality doesn't lend itself to this idea, here is why.

When our survival instinct called fight or flight is activated a sudden rush of adrenaline is dumped into your body.

Given the stress, this is a very good thing. However, as this occurs your parasympathetic nervous system, the mechanism that controls bodily function, urination, vomiting etc. shuts down. So while this sounds ideal, chances are it is not going to happen.

So what can you do?

First things first, CALM DOWN you need to be clear headed if you are going to have a fair chance at surviving.

Bottom line, survival, that is your only goal!! It is not my intention to offend with my next statement.

The violent act of rape itself is horrible, but SO WHAT! Let it happen! I say this as a RAPE SURVIVOR! Please understand, your one and only goal is to STAY ALIVE!! While he is in the act you are still breathing, pay no attention to what is going on, I know this will seem almost impossible but you must do it. Start planning your next move.

A rapist rules his victim by intentionally instilling as much fear as possible in his victim. There will be fear! DO NOT GIVE IN TO THE FEAR!!

The worst thing you can do is let your mind start imagining all the horrible things that are going to happen to you.!

Please understand this.....You are living second by second, you do not have the luxury of future tripping! You must stay in the moment!

Now I know you are thinking how does one do that? Practice, practice, practice!! Start now! Go over every possible solution you can think of if you were to find yourself in that situation. If you start now and repeat this process over and over, not only will you feel more empowered, less fear, but your response will be ingrained in your

subconscious, an involuntary response. Think of running on auto-pilot. Train your brain! It is your best and most powerful weapon!!

I survived by talking to my assailant! Anything and everything!! Asking questions! Yes, this pissed him off but while he had to think about the question, he had to disengage from his own emotion i.e. his aggression. Very hard for someone to beat you and talk to you at the same time. Flattery, you can and will say anything. Again I'm talking, he's thinking and I'm still breathing! Ask for basic information, examples, "where do you work?" hobbies? What kind of car do you have? etc. Small talk really, but you are also looking for anything he will slip up and give you, that may help police nail him. Just keep him talking!! This also helps him lower his guard, knowing when and what to do when the opportunity presents itself is going to be key to your survival.

My escape happened after constant talking I was wearing him down. That's when I lunged in his face and went on a tirade that would make a sailor blush!! This caught him off guard and presented and opportunity for me to run like hell. I did! My adrenaline sent me through a screen door and running down the street screaming FIRE!!!!! 15 calls went to 911 as a result of me screaming fire and help. I also ran down the MIDDLE of the street not on the sidewalk or near the bushes. Help soon followed.

Let me please say that no matter what you do to survive IS the right thing to do. These are the things that worked for me. Feel free to ask me questions I will be as open and honest as possible.

Thanks for letting me share,
Pax


[edit on 2-10-2009 by paxnatus]

Or you can take the gun out of under the bed, aim and shout "On the floor mofo" We have airrifles here, that can kill if you aim right, heart etc

I am glad you survived and chose to tell your story. It is very practical advice born of experience.

I have no weapons around me for the very reason that I fear they would be used against me as I am a very non-violent person.

The part about talking to the guy is interesting. He is, after all, a human, tho a messed up one. Talking leads to defusing and lowering tension levels. Maybe it could even cause him to re-think what he is doing.

At any rate, it was not your time to die, but why was it your time to experience hell?

I think you came out stronger for it. Thanks for sharing your story.

Thats a horrible thing you had to go through,I hope its made you a stronger girl.
I take your point about not fighting back,but I would still reccomend plunging fingers deep into the eye sockets of any intruder who is to big to take on in a"fair fight"-no one can fight back once you have clawed their eyeballs properly,and this can be done in such a way that it seems you are only trying to push their face back-by the time they realize what your trying to do its lights out for them.

Then of course,you can reach for that wrench and do whats got to be done at your lesuire.

That sounds nasty,but you would be in the right in my view.

No need to talk to the Bastard then...

Anyway,I hope you are OK now.
Did the experience make you change anything afterwards-Did you buy a big dog/gun or anything like that?
I know when I got burgled it made me plant "dual use" items around my house,which could be used as a weapon if the need arise.

[edit on 2/10/2009 by Silcone Synapse]

Thank you for sharing your story.

I think how people react to these types of situations could be different for everyone. In other words, you don't know how you will react, or the attacker, until you are in the situation.

When this happened to me, I was actually unconscious for a while, because he tried to strangle me. I woke up to see the guy circling me trying to figure out what to do with me, as it seemed he thought I was dead, so I continued to play dead. He left the room again, and I spied a cell phone, and hid it where he would not see it. After him coming back into the room, and leaving again, I made a call to 911.

The police showed up while he was still there. This guy was planning on dismembering me, so had I not made that call, I could have really died, a couple of times.

Like you say, it is important to stay calm. Had I not been able to play dead enough to fool this guy, I wouldn't be typing this today.

I'm sorry to hear what you had to go through and I'm glad you survived it, your way.

Now for me,
I've been sexually abused as a child. Even till this day I regret that I have let it happen and didn't do anything to stop it. Yes I COULD have done something: tell my parents, tell someone, but I didn't and let it go on for almost a year.

I know for sure that, if someone attacked me, or tries to rape me, I WILL hit, scratch, go for the throat, stick my fingers in his eyes, squeeze his n***, bite off his ear or tongue or whatever I can reach... do WHATEVER IT TAKES, even if it means taking a beating! But I refuse to let someone rape me and do nothing. I rather take the beating because I wouldn't be able to live with myself afterwards!

In fact, over here they encourage woman to fight back, even if it is to make identification of the attacker easier.

A broken cheekbone heals, but the scars on your soul don't that easily.

my opinion


[edit on 2/10/2009 by GypsK]

Wow! Obviously they caught him right? How many years did he get?

I have on DVR tonight that story/documentory of that girl in california who was taken at the bus stop at age 7 and held for 18 years, and she was raped every day. So horrible.

God bless, and thanks for sharing the info. If I ever have any daughters in the future in this life that is great information to share with them.

I'm a guy, I haven't been raped, but besides that I know exactly what you went through. I've been a victim of an attempted murder and was held hostage by three guys for almost an hour. I was severely beaten up, they tried to cut my hands of with an wood clover, smashed several bottles on me, two acoustic guitars and was beaten up with a metal rod.
I remained calm and waited for the right moment to get away. I had to run down four stairs, fell, almost broke my arm and ran half naked through 2 empty street until I reached a shopping street where I fled into a drugstore. An ambulance was called and the police also dropped by. But after giving a statement, the police, although they knew the guys who did it, didn't do anything until 6 weeks later.

Three years later I became together with a friend the victim of an armed robbery at his place. We were tasered, duct-taped, beaten up and they put a gun to our heads. They took my phones and money, I knew were my friend was hiding his money (which they were after) but I did as if I knew nothing. I know that if would have tried to attack them, we would have been killed.

And I fully agree with the OP,
REMAIN CALM, DO AS THEY SAY, BUT KEEP LOOKING FOR AN SAFE EXIT!

If it doesn't break you, it makes you tougher!

[edit on 2-10-2009 by Erich Kemper]

A broken cheekbone heals, but the scars on your soul don't that easily.

I agree 100 % its all about surviving, there is no right or wrong : )

I ask/say again... this is a harrowing and awful incident that if happened to any of my family I would be despondant but....

WHAT IS IT DOING HERE ON ATS?

I will keep on asking this DUMB question until I receive a valid answer.

I ask/say again... this is a harrowing and awful incident that if happened to any of my family I would be despondant but....

WHAT IS IT DOING HERE ON ATS?

I will keep on asking this DUMB question until I receive a valid answer.

I know what you mean about the delay in "processing" what is happening. I was robbed by two men each with a gun while delivering pizzas. When I turned and first saw them they were wearing ski mask and pointing guns at me. I started to laugh thinking that someone was playing a joke or trick on me. Then a second or so later I realized what was happening. Strange how the mind works. Also when this realization happened I yelled out in fear which caused them to get aggressive as I was being loud. They told me to get quiet which I did. Then as one stood about 10 feet away pointing the gun at me the other held a gun to my stomach and went through my pockets. There is simply no way to image the fear that someone goes through in a moment like this. Having a gun pointed at you is much worse than I ever thought it would be, especially when you have no idea what the other person is like or capable of. A helpless feeling to be sure.

--------

I'm glad you got away and are o.k.

Originally posted by crichton13
I ask/say again... this is a harrowing and awful incident that if happened to any of my family I would be despondant but....

WHAT IS IT DOING HERE ON ATS?

I will keep on asking this DUMB question until I receive a valid answer.

I've been saying this for months now myself, but everybody is so emotional that they don't care that this subject isn't paranormal or conspiracy related and give the OP tons of stars and flags. There are some people who would go so far to argue that the OP "deserves" the stars and flags because of the experience, and I wouldn't want to argue with them.

I've never been that big of a fan of the Psychology, Philosophy and Metaphysics Discussion Forum since I see the least amount of paranormal and conspiracy threads on here, but the amount of information posted in the forum is so great that they keep it on ATS since BTS is usually for chit-chat and informal talking.

wow that's terrible, I fear for my gf and sister, I think I'm going to give them a knife and teach them how to use it.

As for myself after reading all the other things you guys went through I decided as soon as I get money I'm getting a gun and I'm packing it everywhere, I don't want to ever be helpless against a crazy idiot who might be trigger happy and who might kill me just for #s and giggles, no way I'm going down like that.

Unfortunately I don't live in the US where having a gun is easy and protected by laws, in here if they search me and find the gun I go to jail for some years so I will try to get a small one and try to be very careful where I go with it.

wow that was very tense.....but one question,"what happen to that asshole??"

Well you didn't say. Did they catch the guy who did this to you OP?

Your advice works for you and that's great. I must say I'm completely at odds with almost all of it. But if this is what works for you to get you out then that's great. I however do not go by the hope and pray method of just hoping he won't kill you when he's done because you are not fighting back. I would also disagree with just do whatever they say. In your scenario maybe that was the right choice but experts have said time and again (and I'm referencing 'The Gift of Fear') that you do NOT comply if they were to say try and take you to another place. That is where you lose all control and possibility of escape.

While your advice worked for you also know that there are many different ways things can go down. You could have complied and talked and talked and talked and he could have decided to kill you anyways. You could have picked up that wrench and beat him to death with it. There are many ways for it to end. Some will end with your death and some with his, some will end with neither of you dying. Rape is serious and it can lead to even worse scenarios and you have no idea what the assailants triggers are. You have no idea what their final plan is. Hoping for a good outcome and complying I think is relinquishing too much control. I understand that it was subterfuge to gain more time but every situation is different and I would rather die fighting than comply only for it to be the last decision I made as the assailant kills me anyways as was their original plan.