reply to post by TravelerintheDark
I placed my statement in a bad position for the sake of clarity I suppose.
I can accept that. Let's overlook the earlier misunderstandings, shall we?
Then they'll get burned. If a child insists on such behavior as sticking their hand on the hot stove or a finger in a light socket after the
fortieth admonition I don't think the problem is not going to be resolved easily by any stretch. In fact I'm sure we all have, if only
metaphorically, been burned.
Here is where I vehemently disagree. Are you aware that a child can easily die by sticking a metal object into a light socket? Die. DEAD. To say that
that is just what will have to happen is unconscionable. Electrical current can run through the flesh of the child, scrambling neural impulses,
cramping muscles enough to tear them, burning and searing flesh at the points of entry and exit. With good enough electrical contact, the child will
not even be able to cry out; they will be frozen in silence while they experience the feeling of being cooked alive from within.
You really think that is preferable to a swat on the butt?!?
I tend, in these threads, to proudly state that my father tore my little butt up on more than one occasion. He did; that's true. But I rarely mention
the whooping I got in junior high school, that was much worse than anything my father gave me. I completely deserved it. I also don't usually mention
I got at the hands of bullies before I learned to fight back. Those did leave scars, both mentally and physically.
If I had to choose one action by my father that harmed me more than anything, it was his insistence that I did not fight, for any reason. I tried
desperately to follow his words of wisdom, but I wasn't able to. I had to fight. It was unavoidable. How much easier would it have been on me had he
told me "don't fight unless you have to"!!!
The point I am trying to make in this story is that those mental (and physical) scars can come from other actions than a simple spanking.
Do I blame my father for that advice? NO! As a parent now, I have had my feelings before that it was done out of good intentions and love reinforced
by my own experience as a parent. It's not like there's a book that you get at the hospital with the child, instructions for how to work this thing
they just gave you. It's all about trying to always say and do the right thing to get the child to turn out to be a good person, while realizing in
the back of your mind that you really have no idea what you are really doing.
I raised my children the same way my parents raised me, with a few small exceptions. One of them was the attitude toward fighting.
That's all we can do: learn from the mistakes our parents made, and adjust our teaching to compensate. All parents do this. Some overcompensate;
others undercompensate. Sometimes we get it right; sometimes we could have done better. But the bottom line is that we never know until we raise
children of our own exactly how our beliefs and attitudes will compare to our parents'.
The emotional aspect is the entire point of both myself and the study discussed in the OP. Not the physical aspect. So we are in
Somewhat in agreement, but not completely. I believe one has to consider both aspects, whereas it appears you are considering only one. I also believe
you are considering the entire subject from a purely emotional perspective.
As someone else wisely said, every child is different.
Yes they are; we are in complete agreement on this. My daughter required only a couple of small swats when she was very young. My son required a
couple of good old-fashioned whoopin's. And there are days when I think perhaps my daughter needed less than she got while my son needed more.
But as I said before, my decisions were made without the benefit of true foresight into what will be and what won't be. As are every parent's
I still have not seen a child who at some point did not need a swat across the butt. Perhaps there are some. But that should not be taken as a
statement that I consider there to be some sort of quota for beatings a child should receive. Nothing is farther from the truth.
Actually I never said that either. The issue was never once about physical injury.
And I never restricted my argument to physical injury only. Mental assault is at least as traumatizing as physical.
You are arguing that mental trauma is the only thing that should be considered, as evidenced by your assertion earlier that electrocution is
preferable to a spanking. I am arguing that both mental and physical issues are important.
And thanks for your concern over my anger and resentment. I'm doing just fine.
As an adult, that is your decision. But as a human being it is my duty to inform you that IMO you are far from fine. I believe you to have deep-seated
issues that color your judgments. I advise you to seek help.
Of course you are free to ignore that advice. After all, I don't know you. I only know that you bring much emotional baggage to this discussion.