reply to post by TravelerintheDark
The questions were aimed broadly, not specifically at you.
Oh, I see now! that's why the notation 'originally posted by TheRedneck
' was there... my bad.
How about assuming that the person making that threat stands three times your height and outweighs you by a ratio of perhaps 6:1. Do you take
it seriously then?
I already indicated the answer was yes. I've heard of people who can't take no
for an answer...
The bearing in mind bit is cute after your admonition that you yourself don't need to bear anything in mind.
You really have a hard time with agreement, don't you?
Not having to bear it in mind was in response to it already being borne in mind.
Get it now? I answered both of your questions in the
affirmative, and yet you still act like I was saying 'no'.
If a child is about to touch a hot stove wouldn't pulling their hand away be just as effective in preventing injury?
The first time, yes. The second time, yes. The fourtieth time? NO! What happens the next time, when no one is watching at that particular moment?
You seem to think that a child will always respond to simple logic and parental authority. As a father of two, I can assure you this is not the case.
My response to a child continually placing themselves in danger of a severe burn is first correction ("No, son, don't be touching that. It'll burn
you"), then action (pulling him away), and finally, if after these two methods fail, a swat on the bottom in conjunction with an admonition (*swat*
"I said to leave that alone!"). By doing this, I give the child a chance to correct his own behavior, but then if he doesn't, I save him from a
severe burn later on by instilling minor, short-lived pain instead. I also reinforce my authority over him, so the next time I say no, he will be more
likely to listen and not get one opf those swats.
Yes, I'm sure it hurts when I swat the child's butt. It hurt me when my father did it. But it hurt more mentally than physically, and was
short-lived. The options, had he not spanked me, or had I not spanked my kids, would have been potentially much more severe and dangerous, sometimes
even life-threatening ("Son, leave that wall socket alone!").
Any by hitting without actually 'injuring' I'm assuming you mean nothing that requires medical attention? Welts, scrapes, minor bruising...
they don't count as 'injuries'?
Now you're putting words in my mouth. Please point out where I stated that or cease your unfounded and incorrect accusations.
I never stated an such thing. Physical marks, while they can occur accidentally during discipline, are never something to be simply ignored. They are
an indication of excessive punishment.
That's fine because what we're talking about here are psychological and emotional injuries not physical ones.
I am still amazed at the present attitude that says that anything which is not pleasant is an 'emotional scar'. You really believe that, don't you?
You really believe that upsetting a child is far worse than allowing a child to be seriously injured physically?
Yes, I would be angry. As illustrated above I'd be angry for the person not having the common sense to see the irrationality of what they had
done. I'd prefer to be talked to, not hit.
Again, you assume that the child is listening. What do you do when the child refuses to listen?
But it did harm me, so I can't honestly answer that question.
Now we're getting somewhere! I am now assuming you were abused as a child.
There is a huge difference between abuse and discipline. The former is done out of anger or vengeance, while the latter is done out of love. I will
understand if you can't comprehend the fact that 'tough love' is actually love, and I find it upsetting every time I meet someone who has that
But it is true. The fact that you were abused does not mean all disciplined children were abused. The fact that you were injured does not mean that
all parents are trying to injure their children. You have to understand that your perspective, as mine and everyone else's, is based on personal
experiences. The advantage we as humans have over the rest of the animal kingdom is that we have the ability to think and reason based not only on our
own experiences, but on the experiences of others.
I personally urge you to get some counseling to resolve the anger issues you obviously have. Anger and resentment is a poison of the mind.