Slow fall of an hourglass [TTSSC]

The phone rang out just as Damien had climbed into bed. He was startled by the sudden brake in the calming silence he had become accustomed to. “Who would be calling me at this time of night?” he thought to himself. He sighed and answered with a tone in his voice that was sure to express his discontent, “Hello?”. On the other end he hears, “Damien, how are you this is mom”. Damien now had to think on his feet because he knew the trouble he was in. Without missing a beat he exclaims “Mom, how are you doing? It has been awhile, is everything okay?” In a manner that only moms can do she answered that all was fine and what was that tone. He chuckled as he told her that he just getting into bed when she called. The conversation went on for just over an hour. They said their goodbyes and he hung up the phone. Now exhausted from the days' task he lays down his head and drifts off to sleep.

He first dreams of freshman year with his roommate Johnny and their mutual friend Sam. They were inseparable from the moment he walked in. They attended every party, pledged a fraternity even volunteered at the local shelter together. Damien's dreams flows like a movie with everything correct. He remembers Sam was reluctant to pledge the fraternity because he was afraid he would not fit in. Sam by most counts would have been “different” from the guys at the fraternity. They still did it though and Sam got in. Of course they never told Sam they had told the fraternity that they would not stay without Sam. Understandably they chose to leave that out when they gave him the news. The dream then fades and Damien opens his eyes to check the time. 12:27 was not quite the time he was hoping for.

He drifts off to sleep once more and the dreams begin again. He is older now and him and Johnny are sitting in the park laughing at some children playing in the snow. Damien's happiness soon comes to an end, as he turns to Johnny and asks, “where is Sam?”. Johnny explains that he wanted to say goodbye but could not face leaving his friends. Sam had taped a note to the door and left during the night. Johnny opens the letter and starts to read. “Damien and Johnny, I am sorry I must go. This place is just not for me anymore. I thank you both for your kindness and all the things you did for me. You guys will always be the best friends I have ever had. I wish you two the best and good luck in school. Your Friend, Sam. P.S. Thanks for standing up to the fraternity for me. Of course I always knew.” As the sadness set in for Damien he opened his eyes again. He did not want the dream to continue anymore. With a quick glance at the clock he laid his head back down.

It seems like no time has passed and he is right back there again. Him and Johnny are standing in the hallway impatiently waiting for their final grades to be posted. They lean against the wall as they make fun of the freshmen walking past. Both of them remembering how that once felt. The teacher walks out with the results in his hand. They spring up off the wall with excitement in their heart. This is the moment they find out if they graduate. Johnny checks their grades and the journey is done. Damien feels sad as he knows today they part ways...

...At that exact moment the peace of the night is broken by a deafening cry. His mom springs up in bed and grabs her husbands arm. His dad startled by the yell ask her what is wrong. With tears in her eyes and the grief on her face, she tells her husband their son is dead. There never was a phone call, no college not even a graduation to attend. See Damien was a soldier, his boots in the sand. His time was almost done and they were waiting for the phone call, “Mom, I am coming home.” So if you go back and read this all over again, change everything dealing with college into war. Read it again this way and then you have finally met Damien, Johnny and their friend Sam.




[edit on 26-9-2009 by KFISHCC]

Errie twist, thank you for sharing, good luck in the contest.

S & F! Very clever using a code word to change the meaning, two stories in one, now that is a twist! Good Luck,

STM

reply to post by KFISHCC


I liked it KFISHCC. I believe as I went back and substituted the war for the college I was able to see what was happening. A very good idea my friend. S+F.

Thanks everyone. I doubt this one will make it far based on the comp.. All entires are good and it will be close. Either way when this is all done I will come back and post the ALT version to see if everyone had the same idea.

Well written story for sure, but it could have easily been 100 pages in the telling. What you've contributed is but the kernel for a screen play or even a movie. I'd be willing to bet that if you were to expand Damien's story with flashes of the battlefield, segments of his parents at home, his girlfriend and a few other characters in his short life, you could have a book on your hands.

You certainly have the ability to write.

reply to post by masqua


Thank you for your kind words. The truth is I did not know how I was going to end it or put the twist in with a dramatic/sudden change. Hence I went with a twist that made everything contrast with what you originally believed. It is true it could have went into allot more detail and length but I tried to keep it short. It will be fun to come back after everything and post the "twisted" story. Just to see if where I was headed with it is where everyone else came up to. That is the beauty of writing. With a movie you can lead the viewer into your version. With writing I see it one way as I write it and then leave it up to everyone else to see it as they read it. I imagine if we all came back and posted the version we had after the second reading we would end up with a very vast and intriguing group of stories. All originating from the same source. There lies that beauty.
Thanks once more for your kindness.



Good Luck everyone. I know the judges have a tough decision ahead of them.

A loud explosion on the east side of the camp rang out just as Damien had climbed into bed. He had almost became numb to the idea at this point in his tour. “Just a few more weeks and this will all be over.” he thought to himself as he locked and loaded his weapon. With anger in his voice that was not to confuse anyone he asked his squad, “Is everyone accounted for?”. “Affirmative” he hears from the back of the group and now the fun begins. Him and his men quickly make their way to their post and take up positions. They were not directly attacked but everyone has a job to do now. They made up just a section of the wall but with all the base up “at arms” they were now protected on all sides. It took well over an hour for the “stand down” command to be given. He returned with his men back to their tents and called it a day. Now exhausted from the day's events he laid back down and drifts off to sleep.

He first dreams of basic training with his battle buddy Johnny and a mutual friend Sam. They were inseparable from the moment the drill Sergeant started yelling. They shinned boots together, studied the ranks and chain of command even did laundry together. Damien's dream flows just like a movie with everything exactly as it was. He remember Sam was worried about the PT test because although he was very capable in other areas, he lacked some in the physical fitness area. Sam by most counts would be considered over weight. They worked out after final formation though and Sam did pass. Of course they never made fun of Sam for the struggle he had with keeping his weight within the regs. When they got the news that all three had passed the PT test the celebrated as if the extra hours of exercise never took place. The visions of the past start to fade and Damien opens his eyes to check on his men. All present and accounted for and one more day down.

He drifts off to sleep once more and the dreams begin again. He is deployed now as he sits with Johnny outside the mess tent laughing at some of the guys who had recently arrived. Damien's happiness comest to an end as he ask Johnny about the note Sam left them. It was custom to write a note to those you cared for “just in case.” Johnny slowly pulls it out of his ACU jacket pocket and began reading. “Damien and Johnny, I am sorry that I must go. It must not have been meant for me to make it home. I thank you both for your kindness and all the things you did for me. You guys will always be the best of friends I have ever had. I wish you two the best and keep your heads down. Your friend, Sam. P.S. Soldier on!” As the sadness set in for Damien he opened his eyes again. Some memories are not meant to be relived. With a quick check of his gear he lays his head back down.

It seems like no time has passed and he is right back there again. Him and Johnny are standing in the HQ tent waiting to see if the batch orders have arrived. They lean against a makeshift wall as the make fun of the new troops. Both of them secretly remembering how scared they were back then. The Ops Sergeant comes out with the list of units with orders to deploy back to the rear. Their hearts are about to pound out of their chest as they wait to see if their names are there. This is the moment when they find out if they are among the units to return home. Johnny goes to check for their units name and the journey is done. Damien now overcome with sadness because he knows that soon they will go their separate ways...

...At that exact moment the peace of the night is broken by a deafening cry. Damien's mom springs up in bed and grabs her husbands' arm. His dad startled by the yell ask her what is wrong. With tears in her eyes and the grief clearly on her face, she tells her husband that their son is dead. There never was that night of dreams for Damian, no hour of standing guard that night. See Damien was deployed on the other side of the world, his boots in the sand. The nights here back home are days over there. He was standing in the Company HQ when the mortar hit. The rest was just a flash of his life that had abruptly been ended. His mom, like so many other moms in the world just knows when her baby got hurt.

The reason I wrote all of this is because it worked well with the point of the competition. If you would take the time to go back and look at the two stories the events are similar all around. See the real point to all of this is that what one may see as just another normal day, or a stepping stone in ones journey through life a soldier has just relived a part of their life that they struggle to leave behind. For soldiers the journey does not end when the job is done. They will continue to have times in their life where things “haunt” their mind, if they get to come home at all. Leaving the politics out of it, I ask that everyone take the time to support their troops. No matter the country, no matter the cause the troops deserve support. Thank you.