Transexualism, Sexual Perversion Or A Real Medical Condition?

i am a gay man of 30. i have seen it all. been there done that. i would like to take a more objective stance on this issue.

IMO, the saddest place in the world is a gay bar. ugly ugly heavy and unpleasant feelings happen in this place. yes, i suppose most bars (in general) can be a bit of a slum. in my mind, it should be a place of celebration and openness. but even the "fun" ones are just draining.

add to that: the saddest people in the world are transsexuals. i am not pointing the finger here. not at the bars/clubs nor trannys. merely making an honest observation.

your bro would not be doing this unless his life depended on it. but it MUST (absolutely MUST) be a joyful experience for him. it is going to take ALL of you, working together, to accomplish that. transsexualism is not, in itself, a mental or psycho-spiritual disorder, but i guarantee that at this moment, your brothers head is not right. he needs a lot of help. in the end, i dare say you will like him even better than you did before.

have you seen Transamerica (the film)? gut wrenching. it will put you in the mind of this person.

...best of luck to you all.

[edit on 24-9-2009 by tgidkp]

Without compassion we are no better than our prejudices...what your brother needs more than anything is compassion and love...not judgement and condemnation.

reply to post by Selahobed


My family is also going through this Selahobed.
Strangely enough, I didn't have a problem with transgenderism until it hit my family.
I too, am struggling with the repulsion you speak of, yet I am not a discriminative person by nature. In fact, of all our family members, I tend to be the one who lives by the motto "to each his own" and 'live and let live" and it has shocked me how much I am struggling with this. The rest of my family, ironically, have accepted it with open arms and I struggle with this too, as they are usually a terribly stoic family.
I am not at all religious, so I don't think it's an affront to God or anything of that nature.
I guess I just feel that you are either male or female. This family member (who is male) can never be female in my eyes, no matter how much surgery he has or how many hormones he takes. He will never have babies, nor menstruate yet will claim the title of 'female'.
Sigh....We found out this news almost a year ago and still I have trouble with it. Just can't seem to accept this with open arms as I would with most other issues.
So I am posting here just to let you know that there are other people out there who also struggle with this idea. I don't feel I am being discriminatory, I simply have not found the right way to deal with this yet. I am trying very hard to open my heart and accept him/her for who they are, but find myself avoiding this family member. The whole issue stirs up anger in me that I never knew I had. I hope you can find the inner peace needed to deal with this issue. I wish I could!

Originally posted by Selahobed
reply to post by Annee

 

Maybe these folks need counciling first before they go under the knife?

As for my bro, i think that a LOT of money will have to be spent lol.

Extensive counseling is a requirement prior to surgery - - if he goes to a reputable doctor.

It has become a "specialty" in the medical field. There is a female doctor who began life in a male body - - that is a specialist and forerunner in this field. In the USA.

I have to say.

I am incredibly impressed with the respect in this thread.

reply to post by Verum Astrum


Im with you, no overies no opinion! But no matter our own take on these things you have got to admit that with all of the medical stuff, taking hormones that can destroy the liver, penis shrinkage, and the fact that our familes and society in general am going to have a problem with this. not to mention the fact there is no turning back after "gender reassignment" for a genetic male, that these extemes are indeed extremes that no one in their right mind would do on a whim! or at least i hope not!!
My bro says he has felt like this for 32 years and is no longer willing to go through the torture of being someone he isnt, and if i were him with my family i dont know whether i would have the guts to tell my loved ones!
my family are all christians, soldiers (including me), patriots.
So IMO there is something real here, or hope there is.

As a nursing assistant I did float sometime on the unit that recovered the transgendered surgery patients.

He is still your brother
He should see a therapist. A legit program will require a analysis by a specialist and that he live as his alternate gender for a period of time prior to actual surgery
He is still your brother

He can go through this along or with his family. The choice is actually yours. If realm he can no more deny who he is than i could stop drinking wine.

reply to post by Annee


Me too! I am thankfull for that, i know i put this out there for selfish reasons to get a balanced view with facts, and i have got to tell you i aint dissappointed.
ATSers are the most enlightened and inteligent people i know, and would trust your opinions as you have no investment in our situation except the truth, and that is something that you bring, with facts, discenrnment.
Its a true testiment of trust that i would bring this here.

reply to post by Selahobed


Yes it is an extremely drastic step!
I do not know if I would be able to go to such extremes, but then I have never really walked in his shoes....
I don't doubt that transgenderism is a real issue, the family member I spoke about has always been quiet, reserved and very effeminate - his entire life. However, I can't really get past the fact that the surgery he will be having is akin to a kind of self mutilation. Such a shame that he has to go to such awful extremes to be happy. But like I said, never walked in his shoes. Guess that's why I am having such a difficult time relating to his way of thinking.

The strange thing is, he has a girlfriend.....which also confuses me. If he becomes a female, does this now mean he is gay? Or even bi? LOL it raises so many issues. Maybe it has sparked the anger in me because I don't understand which goes against the grain ....... have spent my life researching things I don't understand, so that I do.

Also, here in Australia there is a transgender person on one of the TV morning shows. This person is a male, who dresses and acts as a female, yet drops hints and laughs about how he is really male. This makes me furious, as it seems he is just playing with people and their feelings. This kind of thing is why, I think, I have a hard time taking the whole issue seriously. I do not understand why one would go to so much trouble to transform themselves into the opposite gender, only to drop consistent hints about how they aren't really that gender at all.....

transexual: a person who has UNDERGONE a sex change operation
Transvestite: a person who identifies with the opposite gender.

your brother might be queer as of now, but unless they choppy choppy the pee-pee he will be a transvestite, that is if he chooses to dawn on a dress.... however, u said he is/was a macho guy, with a lot of girlfriends in the past, he may be bi-sexual, or maybe just like the way panties and a bra look on him. with all playing aside, some clarification could be used. as to his sexual preference IMO from what I have gathered so far, you said he wants to be your sister, so he wants to be a transexual at this point.... next time you see him ask him if "he's the pitcher or the catcher" if he says "pitcher" tell him play for his own team...... but honestly sounds like he wants to be a catcher, in which case before he gets "involved" with a person if said operation is done have him disclose the truth of his path, as to avoid BEING KILLED, because honestly, a straight man, who founds out he just slept with a woman, who used to be a man, will most likely become highly unstable

all jokes aside though, support him in his decision if thats who he wants to be, Judge not less ye be Judged, God gave us all free will (Christian and Soldier are contradictions "Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself" the only time a "Christian" should become a "Soldier" is when its to defend not oppress, and the USA fights wars for money under the guise of liberation)

[edit on 24-9-2009 by clever024]

reply to post by Verum Astrum


I can totally see what you mean..

I would never expect it.. but if my older brother decided he wanted to be a female?

Man, I could never see him that way.. just never.. Not that I would condemn him for it. It's just impossible to accept that your brother is now a sister. '

It must be even tougher on parents though.

reply to post by Verum Astrum


As someone who goes to Oz regulary and am even in the process of being in Melbourne full time, i am a business development consultant with my own buisiness, but thats me! I pride myself in being anti PC. However i am also sure that if i myself had "come out" as something or other that my passage wouldve have beeen easier, just like our local council. I am all for the best person for the job but sometimes........ lol I aint kidding, my bro got a job before me in govermnt. I know this may sound jeleous and i am, but i have a PhD! In geology and physics!
Maybe i need a kick up the bum. maybe my bro too. or maybe gender reasignment is for me too!

If your brother has reached the point of telling friends and family he should also be at or beyond the point where he has begun counseling in preparation for his transition. If indeed touched by gender dysphoria the best thing you and your family can do is educate yourself about the condition and course of treatment. An acquaintance of mine and respected local cardiologist has a website with some useful information and links that might be helpful to all: www.drbecky.com/links.

In brief, counseling, psychiatric evaluation, hormones, electrolysis and learning how to live as a woman are the first steps. Minimum prerequisites to be considered for sexual reassignment surgery, which would be the very last step in the process or icing on the cake as it were, include living and working for at least a full year in the new gender to prove that life as a woman would be successful.

Your brother is in for the hardest few years of his life. You may never understand his torment or feelings but you don't have to - just be there for him and let him know you love him no matter what. She is going to need all the help she can get.

One word of caution to you and your family is to not blame your new "sister" for killing your brother. It happens but remember, gender dysphoria syndrome/transsexualism is a medical condition, not a perversion, deviance or anything that a person can change. Trust me, if you or your family try to intervene or stop him from becoming a her, most likely you will lose this person from your life and that would be sad for everyone.

reply to post by Selahobed


I don't know how to respond. I guess I would have to start by asking you a question: do you see sexuality as a quantifiable medical condition?

reply to post by Miraj



Yes Miraj, after looking at someone a certain way for your whole life it is really difficult to see them in such a different light......even more so when they ask you to relate to them as a member of the opposite sex.

And no, even though this family member is effeminate as a I mentioned earlier, no one expected such a drastic thing to happen.

Yes, I think most parents would have a tough time with this issue. Not all, of course, but most. More so too if they are highly religious like the OP's I would think.

reply to post by pluckynoonez


Thats the point, i am not sure sexuality has a bearing on his choice, just the fact that he views himself as female. He has had sooo many girlfriends and has beem advice in that department for me also.
But now?
I feel let down, but at the same time uplifted, i know i make no sense but this is new for me.
I just want to know that this is a real condition and not just a whim i guess x

reply to post by Selahobed


Did you ever put something in the wrong pocket? Sometimes a soul is put in the wrong pocket. Perhaps a soul cannot let go of the gender they were in a previous life. What ever or whom ever a person is is just a cover for the book inside so who cares what the cover is? I dont care if someone thinks they are a spotted zebra. I only care what kind of soul they have.

reply to post by Selahobed


Firstly much respect to the first person to reply and say it's neither a perversion or a dissorder, people treating everything that they don't like or understand or isn't normal as a problem is actually what causes the most suffering and heartache in most situations.

I've chatted to a few TV's in my time, most of them were sensible nice people btw, as with most gay people coming out is a very painful time certainly when you have to judge and respond to the actions of right-wing christian parents lol. You sound like you're close to him and i know this can be kinda hard on you, you feel like you never really knew him or he has been keeping you in the dark or something, this most likely isn't because he didn't trust you with the information but rather because he didn't trust himself.

So what should you do? Keep being you, if you change your behaviour to him too much then he might start to feel like he's loseing or lost his traditional place in the family - don't push him away basically, take the chance to catch up over a few beers or whatever u guys do and let him tell you what and how he's come to this understanding - don't argue or try to convince him he's wrong because then he won't want to talk to you about it, don't pressure him for clearer reasoning / explantions because remember he's probably still figuring it out for himself.

Finally a few things that many people never even think; it might just be a 'phase' he's going through and so what thats fine - nothing says we can't experiment in life - it's kinda common for people to break out of their 'routine' life with a 'madcap' life adventure such as this, the pressure of bordom and conformity can weigh heavy on the soul.
--In this modern world girls can be kinda matcho too, just because he's now you sister doesn't mean you guys can't still shoot some pool or kick around a football or whatever.
--Not all TV's are gay, infact lots of cross-dressers aren't -hehe i suppose actually they sorta are gay because they're sorta lezbians.

hope some of this will help

The word is TRANSGENDERED...transsexual is a misnomer, and is connotative of something sexual or perverted. The word "trans sexual" was an invention out of the shock porno industry.

Your brother is reaching out to his/her family at a critical point in his/HER life.

First; your "brother" will have to seek out, and be treated by a qualified therapist that is certified to deal with people who are suffering from Gender Dysphoria.

This is a real condition, and isn't some imaginary condition that anyone would choose for themselves...people are born this way.

Cross dressing individuals are not the same thing as some one who is transgendered.

Gender identity is in the head, not between the legs. Understand that right now. OK!
Also, a trans gendered individual isn't necessarily GAY! If she is still attracted to females after successfully transitioning, then she will be classed as homosexual. If she is attracted to males, then she'll be heterosexual. If she likes both, then she'll be Bisexual...

Your family member will most likely be tested and bear out that his/HER mental gender identity is that of a female. Secondly, she could have a chromosomal profile done, and she could very well have multiple X markers, instead of just XY...she could be XXY...( which is more rare )

The younger an individual can recognize and then properly deal with this condition, the better. It is a much harder and a problem fraught baptism by fire, if the individual is 35,45, 55 years old etc.

Once he/SHE has been verified as suffering from gender dysphoria, she will then be started on a HRT program. Hormone Replacement Therapy will help her become who she is in her head and heart.

SRS or Sex Reassignment Surgery, is the finale' that aligns ones inner self with the physical self. NO ONE WOULD CHOOSE TO HAVE THEIR GENITALIA REMOVED AND RECONSTRUCTED INTO SOMETHING OPPOSITE OF WHAT THEY WERE BORN WITH, FOR THE HELL OF IT!

Your family needs to rally for her, and support her as she transitions into a female being.

She is going to deal with a whole new Puberty and range of emotions...so expect a newly emerging teenage girl in the family for a few years, until she matures. If she is allowed to become the person she truly is, you'll be amazed at how happy and satisfied with life she'll be after she is finally living as who she was meant to be.

If you have confusion or questions about this situation, there are many good web sites that deal with it. Or, you could talk to her therapist at some point.

Love her, support her, and defend her...she is going to need it all.

reply to post by Selahobed


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