posted on May, 15 2004 @ 07:55 PM
I'm gonna tell you a story from my youth. A time when I was headstrong and stubborn. A 10 year old who had put years of wanton mayhem behind him. I
was a gun whose trigger was waiting to be pulled...a loner looking for redemption, playing...on the monkey bars...
It was a somewhat windy day in the local playground but the sun was pretty hot. The cool breeze was welcome. Everyone was having a great
time...until THEY showed up.
They were the local street toughs; bullies who couldn't have been more than 12 years old yet their dominion over the playground went unmatched.
The leader carried the deadly enemy of all adolescents....The Whiffle Bat! made of a double stitched weld process usually reserved for heavy duty
rubber contruction and high grade plastics, this whiffle bat became a tool of destruction. The other bullies had your everyday sticks and one of them
was carrying a length of rope he was using to whip some of the kids with.
Whammo! The leader hit a boy on a swing, knocking him out cold and instantly marking his territiory! The boy with the rope whipped a girl on her
hind quarters, embarrasing her and making her run away and cry to her mother. I decided that someone had to do something and it was going to me...but
what would I use to defend myself and press my attack? These guys were armed to the hilt and all I had were my bare hands. I was outnumbered and out
gunned...or was I?
There it was...the champion of weapons. That which all ran away from in fear, laying in the dirt amongst some fallen branches and
leaves...glistening with the shining glory of a thousand brilliant suns...it was a rock!
I quickly picked it up and looked at it. After much deliberation, I dubbed it "Rock". Surely I would win the day...but how would I utilize Rock
in order to fend off the aggresors, save the palyground and cement Rocks name in history as the most devastating and deadly weapon in The Universe?
Then it came to me...I would hurl it at them for all he and I was worth but first I would need to lay down the seeds to a successful plan of
First I needed to know the velocity needed to make Rock deadly. I also had to calculate the distance from me to my enemies. Then I would have to
account for wind resistance. The gusts were of a Noreasterly variety and I was against the wind. Finally I needed to calculate a trajectory while
factoring in Rocks non-aerodynamic shape and natural predispostion to soak up massive amounts of resistance. Now I was done. The time of reckoning for
those malcontents was at hand! First, however, I needed to have a few moments alone with Rock...
"Rock, I believe that us running into each other was fated since the dawn of man. You ought to know I'm going to hurl you into the path of
destruction and mayhem incarnate...and in the name of Truth, Justice and the American Way." Then I heard Rock say something but I couldn't quite
make out what it was. I positioned my ear closer to Rock, then closer and closer still until, finally, Rock was up against my ear and I heard him
"Me give concussion long time!"
And so with the animalistic intensity and ferocious surgical aim of a person who throws rocks at people with great precision, I hurled Rock for
all he and I were worth!
Bonk! the bully with the length of rope went down in a crumpled heap but not before Rock ricocheted off of his noggin, striking the second bully
square in the jaw, knocking loose three of his bully teeth. As he screamed in agony, his arms flailed about madly, swinging his stick, which hit Rock,
as per my subtle, yet flawless calculations, like a bat hitting a ball, striking bully number three square between the eyes and unconscious, his
muscles twitching erratically. That strike sent Rock flying into the air, landing on a slide not seven feet away.
The leader bully was right in the path of the slide, but I failed to calculate the loss of rocks kinetic energy while landing onto the very top of
the slide. Rock lay still, not budging an inch at the top of the slide and the big bully was on a direct course for me. I needed to think of a
strategy that would prevent him from figuring out a way to make me and The Whiffle Bat of Doom become...shall we say...joined...
There it was! my salvation. My Saving Grace. Really, the one thing that could help me and Rock seize the day...
It was a pebble! Rocks baby brother! I immediately dubbed him "Pebble" and hurled him for all he was worth and in so doing, Pebble hit the top
of the slide fiercely and the reverberations rung throughout, shaking the slide and bringing about an incredible twanging sound that shuffled Rock
loose his slumber, making him role down the slide...and Pebble was right behind him. They both gained speed and momentum, their respective kinetic
energies gaining force violently...
Just as the bully was going to lay me low, Rock and Pebble came screaming to my aid as the bully heard a whooshing sound. As he turned around to
see what it was, Pebble struck him in the eye, disorienting him enough to let rock do the real damage and POW, did he ever!
Rock sunk himself deep in the leader bully's cheekbone crushing it immediately and detaching one of his retinas. The leader was down for the
count so I proceeded to take up his bat and continuously strike him with it in the genetalia for about seven minutes.
This story goes to show you that the most loyal ally and devastatingly deadly weapon in the Universe is our friend the rock!
A fiction by Hard Red
[Edited on 15-5-2004 by Hard Red]
[Edited on 17-5-2004 by Hard Red]