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Please help me with this Difficult situation

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posted on Sep, 21 2009 @ 04:45 PM
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I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 almost 6 months. She is very clingy and needy but so am i.
I recently met a girl whom i have really strong feelings for and she has feelings for me. She is a foreign exchange from Russia and is basically stuck living with her boyfriend, and i live with my parents.

Now, my girlfriend i feel is neglected by her mother. she doesnt drive, and i feel she is very depressed. She hasnt been to the gyno in about 3 years and her mother puts her other daughters dental needs before anything.

My girlfriends bedroom is a mess. and i mean mess, its disgusting. you cant walk in it. I tried to help her clean it once but it was just too much.

Sooo, i have this girlfriend who i care A LOT about, but has no ambition. I actually got her to start working, which she hates by the way, but at least shes making some money. I want to help but i know from experience you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink.

Now this other girl, she is very ambitious, She is a hard worker, but is having a hard time putting herself through school as i live on long island and it is very expensive to live here. She lives with her boyfriend, who i feel was a last stitch effort for a place to stay as she really doesnt have anywhere to go. We both have admitted to having feelings for eachother.

I broke up with my girlfriend one night without any explanation. I felt sick and terrible, so when she called me the next day crying i ran back to her the same day.

So now i have a girl who i really like, i feel is good for me, and a girlfriend who is not so good for me, but i care about almost more than life. At this point i really dont know what to do. The Russian girl has considered moving out of her boyfriends to get a place of her own, and forget about college.

I feel like im in the middle of a horror movie and i cant escape. I dont know what to do. Can any wise soul give me some advice?




posted on Sep, 21 2009 @ 05:30 PM
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I am saying this with care and without harshness, go to group therapy for co-dependancy.

You seem to be attracted to women who need you, in effect, your needing them to need you. You want to be a prince in shining armor.

You can't save people.



posted on Sep, 21 2009 @ 05:43 PM
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reply to post by sgrrsh26
 


I would discreetly end the existing relationship whilst not engaging in another with the Russian girl. Ambition is only one of many traits that create combatibility and she may not be around in the longer term, (i.e. dropping out of college as an exchange student - can she do that and remain in the States?) for a deep meaningful relationship to develop.

It's a big commitment moving in with someone else (if this is your plan) - ensure you know your feelings are not based on material things such as an apartment and the freedom that this brings.

Your existing parnter will stump your development so letting her go is a logical choice for you both. After that, just see what happens I guess, but timing with Nikita is important in relation to her own relationship and housing needs.

Difficult decision, but if you are young be careful of both your heart and wallet getting broke!

Good luck whatever you decide to do but do it gently!!

P.s. Just noticed. Lol @ nixie's group therapy sessions. I don't subscribe to that just yet - lets see how basic communication and arresting hasty moves works first. I said that with care and without harshness also!!



posted on Sep, 22 2009 @ 05:31 PM
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Wow.. both of them seem to have hefty issues..

1) Your girlfriend has no goals in life, and won't even clean her room? Is she depressive? How old is she? If she is over 18/21, and has nothing really stopping her -- she can very well climb the ladder and do something BETTER for herself is she wanted to. Because she doesn't want to is not your problem..

Do you want to play her father figure your entire life?

2) The foreign girl who lives with her boyfriend? Are you sure she just isn't a 'feel-good' girl? Someone you are infatuated with, but not TRULY compatible with? Why doesn't she live in a dorm/on campus? Can she not find another roommate? If she REALLY didn't want to be there, do you know what? She could find another place to go..

It sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too.

3) Conclusion: Neither of them sound too great or suitable. Yes, you can love most anyone who has even a few qualities that match you -- but will they be there for the long haul? Could you live with either of them forever.. JUST like it is now?

We can't expect anyone to change..

I say get your priorities straight first, because it seem you don't even know what you want or what is best for YOU.. so how can you decide which one (if any) to pursue?

Work on you first, then all else will follow..
Don't work on you first, then all relationships will eventually crumble.

- Mea



posted on Sep, 22 2009 @ 07:46 PM
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reply to post by sgrrsh26
 


Nowhere does it say that you have to limit yourself to one girlfriend at a time. Introduce them to each other and perhaps you 3 kids could form somekind of support group and help eachother thru some obvious issues that need to be addressed.



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