i have a crush on a married woman....need advice

this woman also happens to be my boss at work. i have been crushing on her pretty bad as of late. she is married but i know she is not happy. she talks to me about it all the time.
i thought about telling her how i feel but i don't know if i should.
what should i do? keep my crush a secret or let her know how i feel?

Never get involved in a married relationship. Her being unhappy is no excuse. If you cared about her, you would tell her to repair her marriage. Even if she should start a relationship with you, you will always be second string, and no matter what they say, they will not leave their spouses for you. If they do, your inheriting the problems.

So you will only ever get half a person. And you miss your own opportunities to meet someone who can be there for you wholly.

Run away as fast as you can!!! Don't look back!
If she's telling you these things at work, it could amount to harassment.

You should tell her that you only want to talk about work related stuff at work.
Make a report to HR.
When she fires you, you & a lawyer will be rich!!!

There's exceptions to every rule but about a 99.997% chance of trouble you wish you wouldn't have gotten into there. Married women = off limits and work flings are usually tough on the participants to include the other employees.

Of course that sort of thing happens all the time but it's really best to take the high road.

reply to post by thing fish


You want the unavailable because its safer to NOT work out for you that way.
You can give yourself another life beating, and stay sad and ask 'whats wrong with me'
Share the lovely you with someone who is available to come out and play

edit to add PBJT.



[edit on 20-9-2009 by zazzafrazz]

My advice for this situation is quite simple.

If she is married, leave her alone. When and if she gets divorced... go for it, but until that day, just leave her alone. It is just not worth it to get involved with a married woman.

Plus, she is your boss. That is another type of person that it is not a good idea to date. There are just so many things that could go wrong. Imagine how it will be working with each other if it did not work out between the two of you...

1. If you was married and your wife cheated on you most likely you would want to kill the man, remember that.

2. Don't crap in your own backyard.

Edit because-

Had to substitute # with crap because I forgot that # is a no no word on ATS.

[edit on 20-9-2009 by jd140]

just go with the flow man,be polite as always and dont start telling her that u like her,,,,just see how it develops.
i know the boss hitting you is hot,and its my dream too,but its even hotter is u just be good and let her do what she wants xD

[edit on 21-9-2009 by Stillalive]

Dude- run away..run very far away, very fast...
as fast as those tattooed legs can carry you.
I'm dead serious.

I just want to back up what most of the others are saying.

You had to wait a long time to get this job - don't do anything to jeopardise it.

It's just loneliness and or dissatisfaction that's drawing the two of you close.

If she's complaining about her husband to you, her employee, you have to wonder how disloyal she might be to you if you got involved with her.

Really, find yourself someone more suitable.

jd140 Did you have to? I nearly choked laughing

Brother, If you have to ask the question; you already know the answer.

Bad mojo!

Originally posted by thing fish
what should i do? keep my crush a secret or let her know how i feel?

Oh no! The forbidden fruit!

I think most of us end up crushing on someone who is 'unavailable' at some point in our lives..

They seem so deliciously perfect and alluring at first.. until we take that plunge into the land of no return.. (been there, done that -- trust me)

In the end, we usually find out that we were wrong about them and end up digging ourselves into a heaping pile of.. problems.. because of our irresponsible actions.

Its just not worth it! If they felt the same about you, they would get a divorce. And remember; if they cheat WITH you, they will cheat ON you too.

Be smart and walk away! (Change jobs if you have to..)

- Mea

[edit on 22-9-2009 by Veritas Lux Mea]

Leave her alone.

She is married, doesn't matter if happily married or not.

It's not a good situation to be in, you could save yourself a ton of trouble.

Just let her be.

So now I get it.


You're the twerp at work my wife is always talking about in her sleep.

Watch your back.

From a tactical standpoint, telling a woman "how you really feall" is almost always a mistake.

It always comes out all weird and ... "stalky".

You mean it to sound heart-felt; instead it just sounds like you are obsessed. Most women find that a huge turn-off. Plus, it hands them power which most humans cannot resist using to make you squirm.

Meet someone new. "strange" is called that for a reason.

I think the most important thing is that she is your boss. Doesn't matter if she is married or not. If you like your job, then don't even think about it! Even if she was just your peer, mixing work and relationships don't pan out well. Unless of course you do not work directly with them, and you only see them in the hall or something.

If she wasn't your boss then that is a different story, some people get married for stupid reason. Divorces are nothing anymore. If two people want to be together then a ring and a peice of paper shouldn't stop you from being with them. Kids however will stop me, I have issues with breaking up a family. But that is decision is up to you.

i have decided i am going to keep my feelings to myself. if she ever divorces her husband and then makes an advance towards me then i will reconsider but i am not going to make it known how i feel. i don't want to be the reason a family is broken up.

reply to post by thing fish



I think that's a very wise choice.

Ya, good choice, good choice. Next move.....go see some strippers

Originally posted by thing fish
this woman also happens to be my boss at work. i have been crushing on her pretty bad as of late. she is married but i know she is not happy. she talks to me about it all the time.
i thought about telling her how i feel but i don't know if i should.
what should i do? keep my crush a secret or let her know how i feel?

I am approaching your thread from a different angle. I wouldn't say don't do what your inclined to do. I would say to you that coming to an understanding of yourself would be the first thing you should do in this situation. You need to ask yourself what good will come from this? Then mentally list all of the good things you can think of. Then imagine a possible scenario between you and your married boss being found out by her husband. Once you've fantasized about the opposite outcomes, you'll know what to do.

ETA: Once again, I'm a day late and a dollar short.

[edit on 25-9-2009 by Hazelnut]