How do you deal with rude people and stress?

Polite wit. "Im good thanks, and you?"....."Wow your a very passionate person"......"you have a little something right there"

Just realizing that everyone has a bad day and sometimes they explode with unjustified rudness after too many things have bottled up inside them. Realizing that their day or maybe even their life at the moment totaly sucks and besides haveing to listen to deal with them, yours does not.

Im terrible at handling stress nevermind being stressed and someone being rude to me or very loud and obnoxious(loud people stress me out enormously) makes me absolutely livid.So i really don't have any advice... and im not a person that can just shrug things off.I respect people that have the character and willpower to not let things get to them easily.

dooper you must be pretty good boss
i tottaly understand about the waiter,cashier jobs,it sucks,noone is paying to stand and take insults from some bastards ):
i guess the main thing is to "not get affected" by theyr trying to anger you,and to never torelete it and to CUT them in the BEGINING. and to put them in place couse they deserve it.

I've been lurking long enough in the political forums here on ATS, that I seem to have become desensitized to rudeness by means of over-exposure

In all seriousness though, it is easy to prejudge people as rude/brash/course when in some cases it may just be a "misscommunication" in styles of expression and you are taking it personally. Take a good look in the mirror and double check to see if the person with the anger/aggression issue is really the people that you claim to be a victim of. Calling people "rednecks" (unless they are proud of that term) is probably not the best way to break the ice in a polite way.

Depending on the situation:

If they are wound up over something and seem like they are just stressed, i try and diffuse the situation (even if it means me biting my lip).

If they are obnoxious for no real reason, i tend to respond with either sarcasm or by playing dumb and letting them explain themselves whilst being ever so polite.

For instance, a few nights ago i was leaving a student bar when I accidently brushed past a rather thick necked jock type of guy (dressed in american football gear) and accidently spilled a tiny bit of his drink from his pint glass (a drop). He was stood with a few of his mates and was no doubt trying to impress them with his over-reactive display of testosterone fuelled machoism.

Him: 'Hey you've just spilled my f'ing pint'

Me: 'No i didn't, i accidently bumped into you, you've probably spilled about 1/12 of it'

Him: 'What are you gonna do about it?'

Me: 'Unless you want me to go back in there and order a drop of lager, there's nothing i can do really is there?'

Him: 'Yeah but you just spilled my drink'

Me: 'No YOU just spilled a tiny bit of your drink because YOU were stood in front of the entrance and blocking everyone's way'

Him: *glaring at me*

Me *smiling politely*

Him: 'You spilled my pint'

Me: 'So is this the first time this ever happened to you, is that the first time you've ever spilled something?'

Him: ..................

Me: 'See ya later, have a good night'

great way to react man,if it was me with the drink i was just goin tobe like
"hey man u spilled my drink -_-wtf"
the guy would say " sorry blablabla"
and me "o ok no problem happens"

One thing that has really helped me is "Anger Management" course...

The key thing that helped me was... Learn to expect it and you won't get as angry.

Example: Expect that on your way to work someone is going to cut you off with their vehicle.


It took me a while, but I learned and it really helped.

Also now I have learned to manipulate people a little better in the work place and out.

Another good book to read regarding some of this stuff is: The Art Of War
There are different books of this... but I do think they have book for every type of scenario like for: Work / Relationships / ETc...

Hope this helps!

i carry a squirt bottle of extremely salty water. if someone is rude i will squirt them in the eyes. when the burning in their ayes from the salt is taking effect i will just laugh and laugh.

People are seldom rude to me, I'm scary.



Only online, are they rude, they would never be rude to my face, my eyes are spooky, I have that look.

[edit on 013030p://bThursday2009 by Stormdancer777]

you two guis are so on the right path^^
i should be more like you.be scary or carry somekinda ninja dust or something,i so like punishing mean bastards and making them cry

reply to post by Stillalive


I deal with it by practicing mindfulness, I'm almost never bothered by anything anymore. =)

I've worked in human resources for many years and the best advice is hit the ignore button. There is no rule that you have to actively interact with someone who is acting rudely toward you. They're looking for a reaction (or to pass their negativity along to you), don't give it to them. Keep up your positivity, no one can get you down unless YOU let them.

That said, I have a strong personality and have no problem with confrontation so I rarely get messed with. Polite debate is one thing, I don't go looking for a verbal fight but if it comes looking for me, stand back.

Here's the basics:

1) Stay positive - if they're negative it's their problem, not yours.
2) Ignore people who are surly or rude/excessively negative when possible.
3) You're as strong or weak mentally as you want to be, don't forget that.

In the past I dated a guy in the martial arts. This reminds me of his mentality, peaceful but knowing your power when necessary.

You are supposed to control your brain/mind and your energy.

They can do what they want, you can't control them, but you can control yourself.

Yes I know easier said than done.

Live CALM ASSERTIVE LEADERSHIP ENERGY, as Cesar Millan, the dog whisperer said.

Don't feed the troll.

So surround yourself with people that help you... organize a "mastermind".

Many philosophers, scientists, mystics, leaders tried to say what reality is... no1 of them really knew.

HAVE A STRONG REALITY. The stronger frame always wins.

People want you to tell them how you want to be treated.

People will behave in front of you as you [B]trained[/B] them to it.

[edit on 18-9-2009 by infobrazil]

Originally posted by dooper
We were called out to a woman's house where she needed significant work done.

It was a gated community, the homes were all in excess of $2,000,000 each.

While we were busy unloading equipment, I got a phone call and stepped outside to speak. In my absence, the woman apparently began really talking down to my people, who I KNOW are some of the most polite, easiest going folks you could ever find.

There is a protocol in our business in order to not spread the contamination and to avoid having to repeat the same things over and again.

The woman told my people what they would do first, and when they tried to explain, she got her ass up on her shoulders and really started laying into them.

I saw my one female come out of the house, and it clear on her face that something was wrong.

After being illuminated, I walked back in and told everyone to start loading the truck. Get everything back on the truck.

The richbitch asked what we were doing, and I explained that we were leaving.

She jumped on me, telling me that we weren't going anywhere, that she was paying us good money, and that we were going to stay and do the job.

I told her, "Lady, you don't have enough money, your freinds don't have enough money, nor could all of you together borrow enough money to work one single minute for you."

"WELL! I've NEVER been talked to that way."

"Yeah, and that's your damn problem."

It's sometimes good to own the company. I will not tolerate anyone mistreating or talking down to my employees, who are solid gold of themselves.

Usually very wealthy.

Usually damned Yankees.

And I didn't know "damned" and "Yankees" were two separate words until high school.

[edit on 17-9-2009 by dooper]

Wow that was.... POWERFUL... champ you made my day. Walking away from second class behavior... It boosts self-esteem and value.

Maybe we can measure power by the number of "NOs" we give to some people in some context.

Star.

[edit on 18-9-2009 by infobrazil]

[edit on 18-9-2009 by infobrazil]

The best way to deal with rude people is, just don't feed them. Just like wild animals and stray cats etc., they won't come around to you anymore it they can't feed off you.

If your in a situation where you have to deal with them e.g working in a call center-customer service, just stick to your 'script' and if they try to divert you pass them on to your superior or if you are the superior keep them off balance in your favor (because if your in charge ,its up to you anyway).

Its really all about consumption.

I am going to post a little story that happened to me a bit back.

The day was early and I decided to take my dog a walk in the neighborhood. While doing so, I came across a house, and a lady getting out of her car in the driveway.

Instead of giving me a friendly hello like many of the other people I passed by, she said "That dog better not # in my yard!"...at first I thought she was joking, but noooo, she was serious.

So I gave her a friendly reply back. "Don't worry, he already did in someone else's".

That lady had a look of disgust! I thought it was funny...

Originally posted by Stillalive
8.so until i escape from this wretched place how do i deal with anger management? most of you atsrs are smart and know how to manage anger
thank you

Use EFT, it will be cleared in a minute or two.

Over and out
Twisted-Inside-Out

Whenever someone is rude to me at work, I try to imagine that they have a reason for being that way (are in the middle of a divorce, their partner was rude to them that morning, someone cut them off in traffic, etc.) and that they are taking out their anger on someone else. It doesn't matter if the story I tell myself is true or not... as long as it keeps me from telling them to get out of my store, I don't care.

It helps a lot. If they keep being rude, I usually tell them, "I would appreciate it if you didn't talk to me that way." Even just looking them in the eye and asking if they are ok seems to help. It sort of checks them and their behavior.

Most people are so passive aggressive that they are unable to take their anger out on the person/situation that caused it and so they take it out on the next person that they see or the next situation that annoys them a little bit.

Many times we forget that the cashier/waiter/whomever that we are talking to has a life outside of our interaction with them. We just focus on our own life and needs.

Kill 'em by kindness.

Don't you know their rudeness is not directed at *you* even if they themselves think it is? They are "lashing" out, acting out against the people who hurt them when they were children. I don't care if it sounds like "pop psychology", it's true.
I am not saying it's OK, that it's acceptable behavior on their part. But reacting to their rudeness in a rude manner will only reinforce their conviction the world is "bad".
On the other hand if you react to them with *contant* kindness, that may give them something to think about. It works!
And it will make you fell better too.