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Dear Mr. President:
As a 64-year-old, lifelong fiscal conservative and Republican since Nixon, may I humbly thank you? In the eight months or so since you took office, you have succeeded in reviving a party, the GOP, that many had left for dead.
1) You have named men to office so wildly irresponsible, so extreme in their positions, so vulgar in their means of expression, that they have made the Republican Party regain its of gleam of gentility and good graces. I am not talking only about the tough guy/ballet dancer Rahm Emanuel, who screamed like a jilted drunken sorority girl at GOP leaders after Joe Wilson's outburst (itself a disgrace) last Wednesday night. I am talking about a high White House official who called Republicans by a barnyard epithet at a public speech recently. This is the same guy who signed a petition to investigate whether the government caused 9/11 -- itself a favored position of Neo-Nazis and other nut jobs. Thank you. I thought no one could outdo an appointment like Henry Paulson, Bush 43's Treasury Secretary -- but you have.
And it only took eight months.
The truth is that a staggering amount of new scientific evidence has emerged since Darwin’s 150-year-old theory of life’s origins. Darwin had no concept of DNA, microbiology, The Big Bang, Einstein’s Theory of Relativity or of the human genome.
• Thank you for creating a massive federal entitlement program that will push us closer day by day to national bankruptcy while you fiddle. Every large government entitlement program -- Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid -- is racing towards bankruptcy. Now, you have created a new one to sink the ship of state. A rescue party led by the Republicans will, sooner or later, look mighty handy to the voters.
""Can anyone even remember now what Nixon did that was so terrible? He ended the war in Vietnam, brought home the POWs, ended the war in the Mideast, opened relations with China, started the first nuclear weapons reduction treaty, saved Eretz Israel's life, started the Environmental Protection Administration. Does anyone remember what he did that was bad?
Oh, now I remember. He lied. He was a politician who lied. How remarkable. He lied to protect his subordinates who were covering up a ridiculous burglary that no one to this date has any clue about its purpose. He lied so he could stay in office and keep his agenda of peace going. That was his crime. He was a peacemaker and he wanted to make a world where there was a generation of peace. And he succeeded.
That is his legacy. He was a peacemaker. He was a lying, conniving, covering up peacemaker. He was not a lying, conniving drug addict like JFK, a lying, conniving war starter like LBJ, a lying, conniving seducer like Clinton—a lying, conniving peacemaker."
Oh, and there is so much more -- coddling Iran while it gets ready to nuke Israel, hugging the worst person in South America, our mortal enemy, Hugo Chavez, not demanding any accountability for the hundreds of billions you -- and Bush 43 -- handed out to the multi-millionaire bonus babies of Wall Street.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. We thought we were down and out, and now you have given us a fresh start. You have, so to speak, let us hit the "reset" button on all of our messy recent history. You guys are so bush league, so to speak, you make us look like seasoned, sensible, prudent professionals. And it only took eight months. Thank you, President Obama, and we'll look for more. You truly are the gift that keeps on giving.