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Here's some cognitive dissonance for you.

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posted on Sep, 12 2009 @ 07:32 PM
Hey all,

So, a few weeks ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. I didn't want to -- she forced my hand, but that's not what this thread is about. It's a precursor to what I want to focus on, though, which is that burning desire to "have someone." I was having a conversation with a friend of mine last night, and she gave me the old "you need to 'find yourself' before you can find someone else" schpiel. Now, I don't think that she's wrong by any means. She's very intelligent -- more so than myself in many ways, but she's also never been in a serious relationship before, so she doesn't necessarily understand the issue on the same level as someone whose experience love, heartbreak, etc. Now, here's where the cognitive dissonance comes in.

I do agree with my friend that a person needs to be happy with themselves before they can really be a part of a healthy, long-term relationship. The thing is, I have everything I should need to be 'happy' with myself. I'm pretty far along in college, and working hard at earning my degree. I have the job that I'd been trying to get for quite a while, I workout regularly (Maybe too regularly?), am finally writing songs that I consider to be decent...I'd say I'm currently accomplishing most of the things that I set out to accomplish. The thing is, I still have this 'burning desire' to find someone. I'm not thinking about settling down or getting married or anything. Hell, I have a lot more I want to do before I get married, but even though I have all these things going for me, I feel like it's empty because I don't have anyone to share it with. Everything feels kind of flat and colorless. My college just happens to have an unusually high concentration of intelligent, beautiful women, too, and there are currently a few I've started talking to a little bit.

The thing is, I can't decide if this is a time that I should just remain single and allow personal growth to happen even if it means passing up on some great opportunities, or if I should just go for it. Is this 'desire' a bad thing...a sign that I've become dependent on relationships and need to be alone for a while, or is it a natural, healthy feeling that I shouldn't ignore? I mean, I've known people who basically had their whole world crumble around them as a result of a bad breakup, and my advise was always to stay single and work on themselves until they're perfectly content being single, and then at that point start looking for someone. Should I heed my own advice, or is my situation really different enough that I'd be ok dating again after it's only been about 4 weeks?

I know there's no perfect answer, but I'd really like to hear what some of you think about this.

posted on Sep, 13 2009 @ 01:50 PM
man,dont take that "there something wrong/not gron enough/find ur self firhst" cr*p out of girls like that! there is NOTHING wrong with you k?
thats just a LAME excuse to make good guy like me and you look like they have problems so girls with ISSUES that wants to go out with some emo looser may look better. feel BETTER about urself man,u deserve it as i do!.
you have concentrated enough on your carrer allready,so i understand u feel lonely like me before,dont worry, you dont even have to go in the trouble of trying some girl that dosnt deserve you to like you,theres plenty of girls that will love you at first sight and will not give you headaches and "no-only friends" cr*p
just see the truth man,ur better and u deserve better!

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