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(TTSSC)You Gotta See The Show

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posted on Sep, 15 2009 @ 02:34 AM
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reply to post by jackflap
 


Amazing story..

I love the way you write, you make it all look so easy


But its the little things, like your attention to detail that stands out for me.




They were sitting in the stadium listening to a distant drum roll that reverberated around the massive complex. Laser lights shone from high above and scattered across the platform where the Preacher would address the huge crowds. Smoke machines provided a blanket of fog over the stage that poured from its edge and rolled into the crowd.


Stuff like this... it puts you right there in the story.. fantastic.

Have a flag mate.

Well done.

JQ.




posted on Sep, 15 2009 @ 05:18 PM
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reply to post by John Q
 


Thanks John Q! I'm glad you liked it. I had to really put the Afghan Preacher's appearance out there for everyone in the stadium to be wowed. I'm glad it came through.



posted on Sep, 18 2009 @ 08:52 PM
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applause, applause, applause, awesome. Jack! What a stud. I'm sure you'll
understand if I refrain from the more judgemental annotations. Um
me to I'm wowed. Yes, wowed for me also. Excellent. I must say
I knew what was up, when she handed him the note book, and then
headed for the exit. Knowing that served only to draw me in suddenly I was a member of security just in front of the stage watching helplessly.
Brian was still to far back in the crowd to be reached. very cool.



posted on Sep, 19 2009 @ 03:25 PM
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Awesome.


I really enjoyed the relationships...the friend that got edged out...this has so much in it. Excellent detail and easy to read and follow. a hint of darkness when the preacher arrives on scene. The hot chick being the instrument of his doom. The timeliness of the language..the dialog was current and lent a lot to the credibility of the story. An excellent read. I was worried because it seemed so long just looking at it, but there wasn't a boatload of extraneous filler. I really enjoyed this one, man.

Pertinent, current. very interesting how our friend loses himself entirely. At a point he just sort of dissolves into the background of the story, even though it's his actions that play such a pivotal role in shaping the world. A life turned into a mindless tool. It was excellent, man.





posted on Sep, 21 2009 @ 02:05 PM
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reply to post by randyvs
 


Thanks so much randyvs! I am glad you liked it. I was hoping that the whole brainwashed thing was evident. I believe you are the second person that said they knew it right away. Thanks again.



posted on Sep, 21 2009 @ 06:16 PM
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reply to post by KSPigpen
 


Thanks for the reply KSPigpen. I appreciate it. I enjoyed your story as well. I think everyone who submitted a story so far has done great. The twists and turns are too much man.



posted on Sep, 21 2009 @ 06:51 PM
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reply to post by jackflap
 


another awesome thing about your story that I really, really liked was how the preacher, who I thought for sure was the antichrist, was crippled and silenced, but a more eloquent speaker took his place, while still using his influence to draw the crowds or what have you. Excellent.



posted on Sep, 21 2009 @ 06:57 PM
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I really enjoyed your story Jackflap...



posted on Sep, 21 2009 @ 07:00 PM
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reply to post by KSPigpen
 


Thanks KSPigpen! Just some of the more bizarre musings in my head I guess. The whole premise was to try to correlate the end time prophecies into a story. I don't know, I'm twisted like that.



posted on Sep, 21 2009 @ 07:02 PM
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reply to post by notsosweet
 


Thank you so much notsosweet. I like that handle you use by the way, it is really catchy and easy to say.



posted on Sep, 21 2009 @ 07:20 PM
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You got me! I did not see it coming.
Cool twist.
He should have went to the party instead. LOL



posted on Sep, 22 2009 @ 09:06 AM
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reply to post by cindymars
 


Thanks cindymars! I am glad you weighed in on this because I have been reading your stuff from the Space Opera and I gotta say, you are very talented. Your opinion means a lot to me.

You're right though. He would have had a better time at the goofy beer party with his friends. That makes me laugh. He was sucked in by a very good agent that re aligned his priorities for him. Poor guy never knew what hit him! HAHA



posted on Sep, 25 2009 @ 08:58 PM
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S & F! You have a true gift! Excellent writing style, sort of reminds me of Clive Cussler at his best. This short story is just a taste of what's to come, I'm sure. Consider me a fan,

STM



posted on Sep, 26 2009 @ 08:39 AM
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reply to post by jackflap
 


Have a S & F Jackflap I thought I flagged you way back, I must of forgot.
Great story really had me going!



posted on Sep, 27 2009 @ 05:29 PM
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reply to post by seentoomuch
 


Thanks for checking out my story seentoomuch! I am happy that you liked it. I am looking forward to more from you as well!



posted on Sep, 27 2009 @ 05:30 PM
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reply to post by catalyst2466
 


Thanks so much catalyst! I enjoyed your story as well. I hope to see more of yours as well.



posted on Oct, 5 2009 @ 09:50 AM
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It's obvious that your story has been thought out over some time. The evidence of that is in its intricate structure and connection to both biblical texts and the sinister programs of mind control.

To say it's well-written would be mean-spirited. It's excellent.

The twist in the plot pure genius.




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