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reply posted on 15-9-2009 @ 02:34 AM by John Q
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reply to post by jackflap
Amazing story..
I love the way you write, you make it all look so easy
But its the little things, like your attention to detail that stands out for me.
They were sitting in the stadium listening to a distant drum roll that reverberated around the massive complex. Laser lights shone from high above and
scattered across the platform where the Preacher would address the huge crowds. Smoke machines provided a blanket of fog over the stage that poured
from its edge and rolled into the crowd.
Stuff like this... it puts you right there in the story.. fantastic.
Have a flag mate.
Well done.
JQ.
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reply posted on 15-9-2009 @ 05:18 PM by jackflap
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reply to post by John Q
Thanks John Q! I'm glad you liked it. I had to really put the Afghan Preacher's appearance out there for everyone in the stadium to be wowed.
I'm glad it came through.
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reply posted on 18-9-2009 @ 08:52 PM by randyvs
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applause, applause, applause, awesome. Jack! What a stud. I'm sure you'll
understand if I refrain from the more judgemental annotations. Um
me to I'm wowed. Yes, wowed for me also. Excellent. I must say
I knew what was up, when she handed him the note book, and then
headed for the exit. Knowing that served only to draw me in suddenly I was a member of security just in front of the stage watching helplessly.
Brian was still to far back in the crowd to be reached. very cool.
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reply posted on 19-9-2009 @ 03:25 PM by KSPigpen
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reply posted on 21-9-2009 @ 02:05 PM by jackflap
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reply to post by randyvs
Thanks so much randyvs! I am glad you liked it. I was hoping that the whole brainwashed thing was evident. I believe you are the second person that
said they knew it right away. Thanks again.
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reply posted on 21-9-2009 @ 06:16 PM by jackflap
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reply to post by KSPigpen
Thanks for the reply KSPigpen. I appreciate it. I enjoyed your story as well. I think everyone who submitted a story so far has done great. The
twists and turns are too much man.
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reply posted on 21-9-2009 @ 06:51 PM by KSPigpen
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reply to post by jackflap
another awesome thing about your story that I really, really liked was how the preacher, who I thought for sure was the antichrist, was crippled and
silenced, but a more eloquent speaker took his place, while still using his influence to draw the crowds or what have you. Excellent.
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reply posted on 21-9-2009 @ 06:57 PM by notsosweet
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I really enjoyed your story Jackflap...
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reply posted on 21-9-2009 @ 07:00 PM by jackflap
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reply to post by KSPigpen
Thanks KSPigpen! Just some of the more bizarre musings in my head I guess. The whole premise was to try to correlate the end time prophecies into a
story. I don't know, I'm twisted like that.
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reply posted on 21-9-2009 @ 07:02 PM by jackflap
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reply to post by notsosweet
Thank you so much notsosweet. I like that handle you use by the way, it is really catchy and easy to say.
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reply posted on 21-9-2009 @ 07:20 PM by cindymars
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You got me! I did not see it coming.
Cool twist.
He should have went to the party instead. LOL
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reply posted on 22-9-2009 @ 09:06 AM by jackflap
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reply to post by cindymars
Thanks cindymars! I am glad you weighed in on this because I have been reading your stuff from the Space Opera and I gotta say, you are very
talented. Your opinion means a lot to me.
You're right though. He would have had a better time at the goofy beer party with his friends. That makes me laugh. He was sucked in by a very
good agent that re aligned his priorities for him. Poor guy never knew what hit him! HAHA
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reply posted on 25-9-2009 @ 08:58 PM by seentoomuch
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S & F! You have a true gift! Excellent writing style, sort of reminds me of Clive Cussler at his best. This short story is just a taste of what's
to come, I'm sure. Consider me a fan,
STM
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reply posted on 26-9-2009 @ 08:39 AM by catalyst2466
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reply to post by jackflap
Have a S & F Jackflap I thought I flagged you way back, I must of forgot.
Great story really had me going!
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reply posted on 27-9-2009 @ 05:29 PM by jackflap
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reply to post by seentoomuch
Thanks for checking out my story seentoomuch! I am happy that you liked it. I am looking forward to more from you as well!
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reply posted on 27-9-2009 @ 05:30 PM by jackflap
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reply to post by catalyst2466
Thanks so much catalyst! I enjoyed your story as well. I hope to see more of yours as well.
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reply posted on 5-10-2009 @ 09:50 AM by masqua
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It's obvious that your story has been thought out over some time. The evidence of that is in its intricate structure and connection to both biblical
texts and the sinister programs of mind control.
To say it's well-written would be mean-spirited. It's excellent.
The twist in the plot pure genius.
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