Short thread- How I faced off against JWs and basically won...., page 13

reply to post by undo

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you had mentioned that women seemed afraid of you, and you wouldn't hear from them anymore after you'd meet them or whatever.

Not all are afraid of me. I get along well with several women, in fact. I know. You're sitting there thinking, "Several? that's not much!". Extremely intelligent women aren't afraid of me. Ones who think outside of the box aren't afraid of me. The ones who are have the tendency to be wrapped in drama, tv shows, and and being so involved in the 'facade' of what they want in a guy, that they have no place for someone like me. I seem to 'set them off' just by smiling.

Also, your argument doesn't take into account the foreign women who see me smile at the, and return that smile with interest. I have to be careful who I smile at- Don't need some jealous husband thinking I am making passes at his wife. By the same token, Mexican women rarely if ever even look at me. Oriental women- I smile, and I almost get blinded most of the time by the smile I get back.

I'm pretty well convinced a chunk of what I go thru is cultural.

reply to post by undo

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if you're almost entirely focused on yourself, it usually is a sign of mental aberration, either from disease, drugs or something even more nefarious. sometimes it's necessary as a form of survival..

A few factors to consider: I live ALONE. I have no: Family, relatives, No One. I usually try to bypass the holidays any which way I can. They depress me a LOT. not having much money, I am not exactly up with the jet set- going places costs $$ I cant afford. (Which is one reason women run screaming: "oh, God, he's POOR!"). I dont get out much. I care for my cats, my chickens- 2 roosters who are little more than ornamentation- and no one else. No kids. No BODY. After 15 years of this, I said 'screw it. I need to keep ME sane for however long I am going to be like this'. I really used to care about people, but after all I have been thru... while I am still civil and polite, I am no longer bending over backwards for my fellow human.

I have no one to comfort me, I have no shoulder to cry on, I haven't been hugged , or touched by a human in nearly forever... And from what I have read, that sorta stuff will mess you pretty badly. It's supposed to be like 3 hugs a day for good mental health. Comforting myself has gotten very, very old and quite stale. I used to ask God to send me someone for that capacity- and I have gotten a long silence. What's worse... granted, she wasn't a human- I got to foster a St. Bernard once. That dog LOVED me. She'd comfort me if I was upset, protect me from everything, from little old ladies to cops, to anything larger than a housefly (it got a little tiring- but it's the thought that counts!), and was THE most amazing, wonderful, incredible living being I had ever encountered.

Then what happens? She died of bloat 3 months later. The shelter couldn't save her- I got an emergency call about it, and broke EVERY last traffic law barreling there. It's like I am NOT allowed love, or comfort or anything- except on a temp basis. AND IT SUCKS! BTW- just as a complaint- my ex boss decided to be funny (And I BELIEVED him!) and tell me if I prayed hard enough, God would bring her back to life...

reply to post by wylekat

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well you do have people to talk to here, that care. i mean, what am i, swiss cheese?

when my mom passed away, we had been taking care of her for over 10 years in our home. she had advanced alzheimers disease and eventually died from cancer at 89 years of age. it was hard work but rewarding and i loved her dearly. anyway, it was like this huge hole in our lives when she passed. we were so accustomed to taking care of her 24 hours a day, that it was not only the sadness of losing her but the emptiness created by her death that effected us. so.....

we bought a dog from the dog store. not just any dog. we bought the worst possible dog in the world, not realizing he was the worst possible dog in the world. he bit other people, peed and pooed on our floors, tore up our papers, got into the trash, and scratched the paint off our doors. he was really high maintenance.

after a year or so of this, i realized he had filled the massive hole mom had left. she would throw our dishes across the room when she was done with them ....SMASH. ..they would go. she was incontinent and had to wear a diaper. some of the stories are not very pleasant. she'd cuss at us, throw things at us, pull my hair, hit people with objects, wander off and get lost, shout for help at all times of the day and night, we'd open the microwave and find 5 cups of coffee in there that she had forgotten she'd put in there and she'd get another cup and repeat the process, not even realizing the cups already in there were hers. eventually she couldn't walk and we had to carry her to the tub with her fighting against getting the bath the entire time.

be careful what you wish for, you just might get it

life is challenging, of that there is no doubt, but for each new person in your life in your home, the more complicated it can get. it can be fulfilling and rewarding, but it does come with a price.

i was thinking about making a mmorpg based on ancient history. something to keep me busy when i'm not taking care of monster dog (he's actually a little dog... one of these guys


argh, here's the link
www.youtube.com...

[edit on 25-9-2009 by undo]

reply to post by undo

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well you do have people to talk to here, that care. i mean, what am i, swiss cheese?

No, you're not. But everyone wants someone they can be intimate with (not bedtime intimate)... someone they can share a secret with, or snuggle with. I would like that, too. I do like to talk on here- but it's darn hard to get a hug from a computer screen, ya know.

reply to post by wylekat

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yeah, i see what you mean. if i had enough cash, i'd send ya a singing telegram with a hug from ats! how about this: if you pray, pray again, but this time just be thankful and try to create that reality. thankfulness creates a positive chain reaction in your emotional and physical well being. one of the other ATS members said he/she feels awesome from just determining to forgive someone he/she had held a grudge against for whatever reason. perhaps forgiving your ex would help?

reply to post by undo

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I have done the forgiveness route- but after a few months, I get slapped sideways yet again. The emotions and the pain hit like an anvil right between the eyes. (Think Wile E Coyote)

I want to forgive, and I REALLY want to forget. Question: Could she be demon possessed, and when I ended up with feelings for her, somehow I got to share in that particular 'joy'? I got a transfer, or a hitchhiker?

reply to post by wylekat

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dunno. sometimes if you stick up for someone who is already being harrassed you end up with extra troubles for your effort. doesn't mean either one of you are bad. i recall having a very hard time for many years, and hubby stepped up and prayed to take the harrassment for me. man, they went after him hard too. so yeah, it's possible but could be nothing either one of you did. remember it says we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, dominions, rulers of the darkness of this world. to me that statement says that the odds are bad but not impossible.

reply to post by undo

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Does this mean me and her are linked, then?

*gets more confused by the minute*

reply to post by wylekat

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3d models you say? have any pics of your work? you mean like computer generated 3d models?

reply to post by undo

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Also plastic ones- but no pics of them yet.

Go to photobucket. Wylekat.

reply to post by KOGDOG

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Thanks,that makes sense. I definatly do not have what it takes to do back the crap done to me, so inspite of all the crap and suffering,at least I have that.

reply to post by wylekat

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oh those are good! i haven't been able to make a truly 3d model yet. but i did make this
www.thestargates.com...
i used zbrush to make it. what i did was use the clay version of the male model in the demo version, grab the clay with the smudge brush and move it around until i had a female model instead. then i put it in paintshop and painted it. it's actually 2d...not viewable in 3d but looks 3d as long as it doesn't have to be rotated. lol to make that in true 3d would take years with my short attention span.

i can't STAND 3d modelling programs.

the process is so painstakingly slow and confusing for me. my brain just isn't wired to do that. so you gots the talent and the patience!
what modelling software are you using? i think i recognize the landscape modelling program you are using... can't remember the name.... you a programmer too? say you're a programmer! c++ perhaps?

reply to post by undo

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I use blender, wings 3d, Photoshop elements 2, I have zbrush- haven't used it much because if I covert and transfer stuff, I end up with polygon holes- and it irritates the crap outta me. I also have bryce. I tried a few others, but they either were too complicated, or too expensive (Lightwave).

That pic looks good, too! It looks like a little figurine.

reply to post by wylekat

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egads you are brave. i tried blender. i have no words for how torturous that program is. i thought, well i need something like modelling clay. then i tried zbrush and although it was a great deal of fun (unpainted zbrush model..no texturing www.thestargates.com... ) the learning curve on it and the amount of polygons was way over the top for me and mmo type stuff

i've done alot of research and i'm kinda watching tiny.cc... for game creation.

reply to post by undo

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I once tried Blender, gave up on it, then found the absolute reams of how to's, tutorials, online books (and a few offline ones at the local bookstores), and decided- 'eh, why not. It's FREE". My 2 fave words in the English language. well, that and FREE FOOD. . I am one of those types who 'play' with the program and see what everything does (and then use the books and stuff on what I don't know)- and learn as I go. I also just read the books so I can say 'hmmm- I can try THAT'. if something goes wrong, I read up and figure out what. Oh- and just so you know... the one pic of pool balls that is like '1984 Pixar' is a template I used for the other versions on there. A website was having taking submissions to see who could replicate the scene on today's hardware (the original image was made on 80's hardware. ugh).

[edit on 28-9-2009 by wylekat]

[edit on 28-9-2009 by wylekat]

[edit on 28-9-2009 by wylekat]

reply to post by undo

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BTW... You've seen my artwork, You see what progress I make with a complicated program.... Hopefully, you see why what I've been thru drives me up the wall?

It defies a whole lot of normal stuff. I HAVE found out I can fight it to an extent, however. I got hit with an 'episode' a couple nights ago, and with a whole lot of concentration.. I managed to slow it to a crawl. My emotional reaction stayed for a while... Again- got it under control by concentration. I am going to start researching ways to discipline my mind. *sigh* Other people forget. I have to turn into freaking Obi Wan just to keep my head screwed on straight.

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