Revised for spelling,grammatical, context errors, since I cannot edit them out.
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Sunny Day (TTSSC)
Primer.
I can't tell you where I'm going, because I don't know where I've been.
It's been a long time since I first realized I'm here.
My first memory is of a sunny day and I'm being carried down a spiral staircase outside of a brick building.
The sun is in my eyes, and a figure appears over me, blocking the sun.
I slowly focus and see a smiling face.
I feel so safe.
The figure moves away and I'm placed on another person's shoulder.
My mother's and we're at our apartment building in NJ.
I can see a man walking away, looking back and smiling.
I was 4 weeks old, and that was the last time I ever saw my father.
He got killed in a car accident (just moments) from then.
My mother moved us from that apartment building to my father's parent's house the following week.
She wasn't the type of person that could be responsible enough to care for a child, without someone watching her every move.
Let's put it this way, she was downright neglectful.
We moved to Florida a short time later, away from my Grandparents and any help.
She always had a lot of boyfriends around, who were more or less good for nothing.
One boyfriend in particular was an abomination to the human species.
He inflicted such harm upon me, and got my mother to as well, that I had no other choice but to take off when I was only 7.
It took the authorities 2 weeks to find me, camping out on the outskirts of the Florida Everglades.
I still bear the scars from what happened to me after I was found and given back to my mother.
This time, though, the cops woke up and took me away for good.
I wound up living with my father's parents in NJ, and the person I formerly considered my mother and her scumbag of a boyfriend went to jail.
From 8 years on, I had a more or less normal childhood, living with people that really loved and cared for me.
Dawn:
The Years spent with my Grandparents and Aunt Natalie(father's side) were some of the best of my life.
We never missed a birthday or holiday, and there were always tons of people over to visit.
It was a family in every sense of the word.
I was especially close to my Aunt, and we went everywhere together.
She loved to bring me to Toys "R" Us, and I loved to go.
Aunt Natalie has a way about her that just tells you that she's a caring person.
Also to call her a very "intelligent person" would be an understatement.
Being smart is something that she would never say of herself but she always wanted to cultivate that in me.
We always went to museums, art exhibits, historical sites, and anything that I could learn from.
Some of my favorite places to go with her, were to the NJ historical encampments.
I had a lot of trouble in school, because of social reasons, obviously, because of my former life.
Natalie never let that hold me down though.
The two of us used to stay up late doing word games, puzzles, reading, and looking up stuff an old set of encyclopedias that were like 2 feet thick.
Each!!
Sounds like fun, right? Well, she had her ways to make it interesting.
I owe a lot to her. Not just because of what she taught me, but for the love she gave me when I needed it most.
One day while we were driving past a certain area, one that we had driven past many times, I said what I always did.
"I feel funny driving past here".
On this particular day, I guess she'd had enough.
She pulled over and turned off the car and looked at me and smiled with tears in her eyes.
"You're special, and don't ever let anyone tell you you're not. You hear me?! I love you with all my heart. I will always be your "imitation"
mommy."
I told her that she was "No imitation". She laughed and took a deep breath.
"Every time we drive past here you always tell me that you feel funny when we do. Well, there's a reason for that. This is where the drunk driver
drove over the median and killed your father."
She could barely contain herself at that point.
I was absolutely stunned and had no idea what to say.
"Your father was like you. He had a gift and just knew things. Don't know how, but he just knew."
I asked her that if he knew things, why couldn't he know what was gong to happen that day?
"I guess he knew it was his time and just had to let things run it's course".
Things were different between us after that.
Somehow, we never had to explain to one another how we felt anymore. We'd just know.
That day brought us a lot closer.
After I had moved out and began living on my own, so did my Aunt. She got married and moved to another state.
I can't blame her. She gave up a lot of her life, and children of her own to take care of me.
I love her for that, and she wouldn't change a thing.
We call each other all the time, and even though we are states apart, we know exactly how the other is doing.
As I got older, I lost touch with her for a bit. I had to "find myself", so to speak.
I had a lot of social issues, because of my history.
Night:
The darkest time of my life, were when I began to hang out with "HIM".
By darkest, I don't mean the worst, but lacking the light to see things clearly.
I met "HIM" at a mutual friend's house.
We were all just hanging out, when he came over.
I was in between apartments at the time and was crashing at my friends house.
He told me that he had a spare room in his garage and that I could stay there. So I crashed and after a while and it became more permanent.
While I was living there, I became more like a part of the family after a while.
I was there when his daughter was born, and helped take care of her because the mom was in the hospital with complications.
I stayed up for an entire week, with nothing more than an hour of nodding off, here and there.
We did side work together, and I used to go on service calls with him on my days off.
We had barbecues at his house with his wife, daughter and father.
It was more like I had found myself a brother.
I learned a lot of stuff from "HIM"
Both of my Grandparents had passed on, and my Aunt was some several states away, so this was home.
The man is for the most part a good guy, when he's sober, but he loves his beer.
Having an older brother type figure can play some games with your mind.
So very often I found myself on the receiving end of a psychological tirade.
He was always trying to "teach me" some life lesson.
Mostly he was just throwing everything he had ever done for me right back in my face.
"HE" made it so not only could I see what he "HE" had done for me, but that I would never forget it. EVER!!
I always felt like I owed him because he had done me such favors.
I realize now, that was part of the game.
This went on for years.
I always thought that I was stupid or something, and that I couldn't do anything but work and live in his garage.
"HE" used to tell me that I wasn't the type to be "self sufficient" like him.
He had to keep me there to maintain control over me.
The control that he had over me was accrued through a gradual process of building up and tearing down.
Before I knew it, I was nothing more than what he allowed me to be.
I know that any rational person would ask, "Why didn't you just leave?".
I did just that, but he always came and brought me back "Home" with promises of helping me get my feet on the ground.
Like a sucker, I believed him.
Don't get me wrong, at times he was an awesome friend, and we had a lot of great time together, like a family.
He would never let you forget it though, somewhere down the road.
His drinking had a lot to do "HIM" being a jerk..
I should have know better, considering he was acting a lot like my mother.
One day, I came to my senses and told this guy C-YA!!!
I vanished and haven't seen "HIM" since.
Admittedly, if it weren't for "HIM", I'd probably not have a lot of the smarts and confidence I have today.
Fighting against his control and extracting myself from it has a lot to do with that.
So in the long run, I must thank "Him" one last time.
Interlude:
At 24, I got a strange phone call.
It was my mother.
She had discovered her remorseful side and tried to tell me she was sorry.
Thanks for waiting 16 years.
For some reason, I decided to ask her if she remembered the last time she saw my father.
I was floored when she described my memory of a sunny day.
I hung up on her.
She called back the next day and wanted to talk.
I really had no interest in reconciling with her, but I let her say her piece.
I was nothing if not curious.
What I realized, is that even though I had not seen or heard from her in such a long time, I knew everything about her.
She even went as far as to suggest that I move back down to Florida with her.
I knew better.
She though that I had money and was well off.
"How could you not even call or send a card for all that time?" I asked her.
So I layed into her with everything I had
I let her have all those years of pain, all at once.
I told her every little detail of every memory I had of her and the abusive boyfriends.
I was finishing her sentences and stabbing them back at her.
She took the easy way out and told me that she was raising 2 other kids, my 1/2 brother and 1/2 sister and she never had the time call me.
What a crock!!.
"You make time for your children, but then again I was never your child was I"?
I was nothing more than a nuisance and cock block for her men.
Needless to say, I had her crying on the phone by the time I was done.
She deserved a lot worse, believe you me!
A New Day:
Fully on my own, free of my former constraints, I was "Living the life of Riley".
I had 2 awesome roommates, and a kick ass apartment.
That's when I met the love of my life.
She's so sweet, and so loving, that any man passing her up would be the fool of all fools.
My love, hasn't a mean bone in her body.
I have been with her for 4 years now and I won't ever look back.
She's my life and I'm hers.
I know she won't ever hurt me. It's just not in her nature.
I would never hurt her either.
Just like any other couple, we have our issues, but never anything we couldn't talk about.
Something strange began to happen after I met and fell in love with her.
I found myself talking about things, seemingly at random.
I though for a while that I was loosing my mind.
While I have "my past" issues, that has nothing to do with this.
One day, I was talking about how I feel like I know people.
She thought I was crazy.
While grocery shopping, I asked her "Do you see that guy over there? Be careful of him.".
He was just an ordinary looking guy, that no one would suspect of anything.
Nothing out of place, cheap looking clothes, the man just looked like your run of the mill "Joe Average".
While we were loading our groceries into the car, we saw that same guy sprinting to his car from across the parking lot.
Just as he got into it, several black SUV's blocked him in and drew down on him, screaming for him to get out of the car.
The FBI had just raided this guy and his car.
They pulled out a duffel bag and I hear one of the cops say that there was about $100,000 in cash and about 1/2 a million $$ in cocaine.
She wasn't watching the action like I was. She was watching me.
Ever since then that kind of thing has been happening.
I am at peace with myself now and I can live a normal life of my own.
As normal as it can be with a gift.
I have love in my life and I feel that those positive feelings, or lack of negativity, brings it out my gift.
She loves me, freakyness and all.
And I love her.........and our four kitties.
Prologue:
My name is irrelevant.
I am 34 years old.
I wrote this when I was 12.
So far I haven't been wrong.
I feel like writing today.
I can't tell you where I'm going, because I don't know where I've been.
It's been a long time since I first realized I'm here.
My first memory is of a sunny day, with my wife and children, playing in the sun....................................................
