posted on Sep, 4 2009 @ 07:50 AM
Hi there...some thoughts on this:
Everything is connected, but some things lie closer together on the infinite mesh of interconnectedness than others. This is the case with
schizophrenia and what is called enlightenment. They are two manifestations of the same phenomenon. In both cases the mind has come to the end of
conventional thought. There are two possible reactions to this. The first is to let go of the mind and the ego. The other is to try to maintain the
mind and ego in the face of the infinite, which is dangerous.
Thought is limited. What the mind can know is limited. What can be known is infinite. When something limited comes up against something infinite, it
reveals itself as being infinitely small. Some people, for whatever reason, have an experience of this infinity, this nothingness out of which all
manifestation springs. When that happens, their consciousness undergoes a revolution. This is what happened to Jesus, to the Buddha, and to a great
many more people who we have never heard of. This is also what happens to what we call schizophrenics, although their consciousnesses are prevented
from undergoing the same revolution due mainly to fear. They are afraid—and this is not a judgement of them—of letting go of their egos, of their
thoughts, and of falling back into that infinite nothingness that they have become aware of. Of course, it is impossible to try to figure out
infinity, and to carry the ego into infinity.
This analogy might help. Imagine you have been born and raised in an empty reservoir. In this reservoir, where you have spent all your life, you have
gradually filled up a large bag with pebbles. You have loved finding and examining every one of these pebbles. They are your treasures, and you have
put each one of them in your bag for safekeeping. Over time you have come to associate completely with this collection of pebbles. This bag of little
stones has become your identity. It is all that you know of yourself. Then one day, when your bag has filled up and become rather heavy, water begins
to fill up the reservoir. First it is an inch high, then two, then three. Gradually the water level rises. You are of course alarmed. You have never
seen this liquid substance before, and now it is inundating you. You clutch your bag to protect it from the rising torrent of water. Soon the water
has reached your neck, and you have become very frightened. Now something inside you, some infinitely distant inner voice, tells you that you must let
go of your bag of stones in order to swim and not drown. What, let go of your stones! What does that even mean? You are your stones. If you let go of
them you will be nothing. It’s almost better to drown than let that happen. Now here we have come to the deciding moment. You can put down the bag
of stones and swim, or you can hold onto it and flounder. The bag is your identity, your thoughts, everything that you believe makes you who you are.
The bag is your separateness. You cannot keep it, yet many try to.
If you try to maintain your ego—which is all about division, creating objects out of the word for the subject that you are to interact with—then
you are going to be overcome with fear. It will seem like infinity itself is lining up in opposition to you. Everyone will seem to be out to get you.
Everything will seem to relate to you. Fear is the result of this.
So what happens if you let go of the bag? You become what you are in essence, which is what Jesus was in essence—pure love. You are that which has
always been aware of your thoughts, of your ego. You become the swimmer instead of the bag of stones.
What happens then? The thoughts will still come, and some of them will be very strange indeed, and will seem absolutely correct. You may want to cling
onto them. If you simply let them arise and do not grasp them, they will go back to where they came from. Now you will begin to see what is, you will
apprehend reality in all its glory. I assure you, when you see reality, thoughts will become laughably small in your awareness.
Letting to is the answer. Once the filter through which the world is seen falls away (that filter is your conception of yourself), you are free to see
the world as it is. Holding onto ego in the face of the infinite is, I am sure, the reason for schizophrenia. What awaits you when you let go is
complete and natural sanity. What we call sanity today has nothing in common with it.
I'm not saying the strange thoughts will not still come, you will just see them for the dust and wind that they are.
It happens on its own through direct realization. The more clearly you see the infinitely small nature of your thoughts--no matter how strange and
compelling--the easier it is to let them just be and then be on their way. Do not seek to get rid of thought, do not position yourself against
thought, try to suppress it, squash it, etc. Thought is a natural aspect of this experience we are all having, but clinging to it and making
sandcastles out of that thought is not. Thought is not your enemy. Instead, realize the unreality of your thoughts and relax. Let the rest take care
of itself. It will.
Fear of the loony bin is a very comon thing...I've had it many times. But when we realize that what we call "insanity" and "sanity" are both
though-based states, concepts, ideas, unrealities, we see more clearly that there is nothing to be afraid of. Really, what you fear is only yourself,
your true nature, which is nothing other than an infinite expanse of love. You are not unkind, or evil, or devious, or a killer, or anything which can
be pointed to only by categorizing the world and carving it up into individual thoughts. You are much much more than that. As long as you are not
buying into more thought, you are moving towards what is, and there is nothing to fear in that.
Connecting the dots as a compulsive behaviour is indeed an important aspect of the schizophrenic's experience. The search for the real, the
underlying essence. The problem is that this cannot be found by stringing concepts together with cause and effect strings (connecting the dots). You
have a looking glass onto the infinite nature of existence. Why you have it, I don't know. But connecting the dots through infinity, where meaning is
maleable, where everything is possible, where everything bleeds into everything else, is a futile and dangerous pursuit. Perhaps look at why you do
this compulsively (yes we can point to neurological influences), but there is a reason you feel you must do this. I would say that you have glimpsed
something very profound, the ultimate thing, and yet you do not realize yet that that ultimatel reality cannot be held and manipulated by thought. All
you can do is stand in it, be present with it, and know that your mind cannot touch it. When you know this in your very core, it is the deepest
realization you can have. Then the mind no longer has an engine to drive it.
I myself still have thoughts like the ones you describe all the time, and there are still moments when I get carried away by them. But the time it
takes me to realize that I have been carried away by them is less than it has ever been. To be carried away by a thought requires your active
participation, and there is a feeling of "making an effort" that you can actually sense. With enought time, this feeling to trying to think your way
into infinity, of making an effort, may itself become an alarm that wakes you up and out of it.
You are indeed the master of your universe, but don't get wrapped up in the concept of mastery, or you, or universe. Know only that you are in