Ask A Schizophrenic Anything

reply to post by CleverNameHere


S&F OP
Thank you for sharing such a profound part of yourself. I truly applaud you! You must be one amazing young man!
(Back to topic)
I have some experience with this illness. Early in my adult life I thought I wanted to be a psychiatrist. I spent a year working with very, very debilitated individuals in a housing program for the mentally ill. Most of my case-load were individuals suffering from Schizophrenia. Mostly paranoid type, as they seemed to have the most difficultly acclimating in the outside world.

That beings said, you seem to be extremely lucid and managing wonderfully (relatively speaking of course). Other than your description of the hallucinations, you seem to be blessed in not having some of the more serious symptoms that effect cognitive thinking. I am referring to loose associations, disorganized thinking and such.

You've expressed that there are some things you are unwilling to share regarding your delusions, etc. I am aware that sometimes discussing certain aspects of the illness can invite disturbing images and disruptions, so I do not want to push you.

Though, I would be very greatful if you would explain to us some of your specific delusions. Paranoid type usually suffers from some "delusions of grandeur". I've met individuals that thought they could do many things: anything from effect the weather to having their sperm coveted by the Queen of England. I'd really love to hear some of your personal ideology.

Also, I just want to add that I do not feel that everyone who is diagnosed with Schizophrenia is indeed mentally ill. There has always been a fine line between mental illness and mystic vision. Who are we to judge? Especially when it comes to a person such as the OP that is not manifesting damaging cognitive symptoms. His communication skills are in fact well above average, certainly not a common trait among individuals with this illness.

Originally posted by CleverNameHere
I know it seems a bit absurd; trust me, you don't know the half of it.

It all goes so deep, I'd rather not start on any particular part of how I became Schizophrenic, as most of it's quite personal. I will give out the details I'm comfortable with, though.

Ask away.

FYI: I am not in any way telling you that the answers I give will or have come true. I am simply giving you a view into a Schizophrenic's mind.

Hello Clever, Perhaps you need to walk down the hallway of doors in your mind. Its safe there. Voices cannot enter. Only you can enter. The doors have names such as these......
1. Real world
2. Ideal world
3. God
4.Keeper of the pain
5. Quiet
6. Mystery
7. Treasure

these are examples only. If you choose not to take medication then I tell you this hallway is a very good place to visit. You may come and go as you please.

reply to post by CleverNameHere


Your mind doesn't exactly pick up these waves in english or any language.
But more like symbols if you focus and pick them up close your eyes and visualize. Instant wave readings.

I commend you for making this topic. Having grown up with a member of the family diagnosed with severe paranoid schizophrenia I have always had mixed emotions about how most people seem to have no idea or even hold misconceptions about people with this condition. I can understand a little though, it can be scary to see how fragile our minds can be.

Have u ever thought about suicide attempts?

[edit on 24-8-2009 by 2Unknown]

Welcome,

I would like to mention that even though some may label you as schizophrenic others might label you as a normal being experiencing the illusion of physicality in the much famous game of Time Space Illusion (TSI). They both are one and the same. You will run into these occurrences all over this wonderful little planet. I even hear they used to burn witches for seeing into the future.

I see spirits, ghosts, moving shadows and even ugly reptile creatures that look like a human and an iguana mixed. I hear many voices throughout my day in my head and even outside. I hear others thoughts, see auras, astral project and take zero medication. I’ve been to other worlds and I am not from this planet even though I am visiting. I suppose if I cared what other people thought I would run over to a local psych-ward and get an opinion of my condition. I am 23 years old and still attempting to understand the human condition. Wish me luck.

“Man forms a perspective of something and then tries to make everything fit into that and then there is tremendous distortion in that process.”

Be well and may you find happiness in all that you encounter.
-Benjamin

[edit on 8/24/2009 by awakened sleeper]

reply to post by CleverNameHere


Thank you for response and all the others that you have shared. Your answer has given me a deeper insight so, thank you again. I look forward into how this thread develops.

Peace

Being at work, I unfortunately don't have time to read this whole thread, but I'll go back to it. It's interesting to me because my mother was a paranoid schizophrenic who had visual and auditory hallucinations. I wish she had handled it as well as you.

I totally support your decision not to be medicated, after seeing my mother go through so many types of pills as each one lost its effectiveness. By the end she had so many side effects she even had to take a side-effect pill.

Her hallucinations were mostly religious, things like seeing people with devil horns or being monitored by demons. Her episodes usually started with obsessively reading the bible, to the point where she would be awake for days.

Your hallucinations sound somewhat religious (the demon) but not as bad. Do you believe in god and are you religious? Interestingly neither my sister nor I became religious, and I think that's part of why we've remained (relatively) sane despite coming from a long line of nuts.

One "treatment" I very much approved of was Recovery. It's a support group for people recovering from mental illness; they often meet at churches sort of like Alcoholics Anonymous but the program is completely different. They learn to look at their symptoms objectively, "spotting" their symptoms and repeating that "Symptoms are distressing but not dangerous." I don't know if they have a stance on medication but if you try Recovery, you might not share your decision right away because some people have such strong feelings about taking the medicine.

I often felt my mother gave into her illness because she liked being out of control. Do you feel like you could give in and just go off the deep end if you wanted to? Conversely, do you feel like you could end it if you could find the right approach? Do you ever tell the voices to go away, to leave you alone? Do you ask them who they are?

Good luck and thanks for posting here.

OH! I really wanted to add: Drugs and alcohol you already know are bad, but please, please, please don't smoke cigarettes, either. Many if not most schizophrenics are heavy smokers. The last thing you need is something that lessens the oxygen going to the brain. So if you smoke, please stop, and if you don't smoke, please don't start.

[edit on 8/24/2009 by lindalinda]

reply to post by aleon1018



How old were you in 2001? Have you ever experimented with drugs like '___', or others?

How old were you when you first started having problems?

reply to post by CleverNameHere

I just want to say thanks for this thread.

As I was reading, I was thinking that most people (those who consider themselves "mentally healthy") should practice the same sort of self-control and rational-thinking about things that go on in their mind, as you seem to.

We don't tend to spend much time analyzing our own thought processes to balance ourselves. We tend to think our thoughts are "real" and natural, so we don't question ourselves and challenge ourselves to control our thought processes and think differently.

Even without any "mental illness", I think it's dangerous to take what we perceive and accept it as real just because it's what we perceive.

Thank you for reminding me. Keep on keepin' on, you seem to be doing great.

Originally posted by richierich
Refusing medical help is dangerous and ill advised, friend...

You owe it to yourself and society to get with a good doctor and get meds and take them. you might not feel as ' special' but you will be able to interact with others much better...

get professional care that demands meds as a regimen and stay with it...

I suggest the exact opposite of this...

This person obviously has a strong emotional attachment to the issue but medication will NEVER solve the problem.

Don't ever take medication for an indefinite time.

You will never get off them.

Self control is the key.

--

On second thought, sometimes medication will solve the problem...but it should be the absolute last resort...

[edit on 24-8-2009 by Jezus]

reply to post by wylekat


I see patterns in everything. That's an everyday part of my life I do my best to ignore them.

It's too easy for me to get caught up in a "metaphor" and lose my mind.

reply to post by Electro38


That's an iffy question about when it all started. Due to the fact that I have recalled memories from 3 years old when I was hit in the face with a softball bat while watching my brother and his friends playing in the backyard. I have a couple of pictures with the date on them. That was in 1961 and there's other bizarre memories of that time period as if a childhood abductee with painful surgeries using brain implants on the side and back of the skull. I was 5 when JFK was assassinated and recall some alledged delusions connected with that as well.

So, having alleged delusional childhood false memories just adds more questions. I don't discuss these memories with family either, because they aren't very gracious or merciful about it and basically mock me over it.

I've recalled having had sensitivities to many foods and additives, so, I've been sick my whole life in some way and even recalled having had seizures. My father denied this and yet two of my youngest have seizures and medications for it.

Very few if any drugs, unless they were slipped into a drink or I was under the influence of one of my alters, who from what I've recalled, didn't mind.

I've had little to no involvement with drugs or related crimes or any trials and or convictions. Anything that was experimental had been short lived.

I've recalled having been in court on trial, but that's since now also believed to be a delusion or false memory. It's all pretty involved and could likely write a book about it, but that would seem more like a confession and I apparently don't have paranoid delusional immunity.

So, drugs obviously aren't always something a person has done voluntarily and or even recalled experiencing.

reply to post by calstorm


I usually don't tell anyone outside my family, unless I feel like they will eventually need to know.

I try my hardest to keep most of the burden to myself. I hate when people feel they have to treat me differently just because of my condition.

reply to post by chiponbothshoulders


Thank you for your post.

It means a lot to me.

To the OP: No questions really because I know about this from personal experience with people who have the same condition.

Only difference is your stance towards it. Going through this most interesting thread I must say: you, my friend, are one of the most sane persons I know.

You accept the situation for what it is, you are aware of your condition/problems and trie to live with this wisely. Also your obvious talent to recognise reality from (induced) non-reality and acting awarely of this blows my mind.

Reading also that you obviously have a fantastic family that loves, respects and helps you I can only come to one conclusion:

You would have to be one of the most awake and luckiest persons to be alive today. Sure it don't feels like this from your perspective but I cincerely and deeply respect you, your family and the way you're making the best of this situation.

God knows, people who have lesser (or more) problems than you have and never got this kind of support, love, care and chances that you have.

You, my friend, are an example and should be proud of yourself.

reply to post by CrashGecko


One of the things I've done while "dreaming" is opening my mouth and moving my lips to what I want to say, but only thinking what I am trying to say. The apparitions keep going like I said it normally.

I'm unsure if they don't know, or just don't care. Who knows?

reply to post by sapien82


I've definitely been writing more down, with the help of ATS and a journal I've got.

I'll have to look more into Shamanism, thank you.

reply to post by CleverNameHere

Can you see auras?

Can you predict or see people's thoughts?

[edit on 24-8-2009 by sumgai]

Originally posted by CleverNameHere
reply to post by loqeth

 

1. The dominant voice is mine, which is why I refuse meds. I'm able to remain in a half sane, half schizophrenic mindset, which is safe. I'm unsure how many voices there are, as some days there will be more than others, but there are at least two that are always with me.

2. One voice, other than my own, actually works in my favor. Whenever the other of my two regulars talks, it is usually negative: "You will not win. We will get you. You will have to be institutionalized eventually. You cannot escape Us." However, when the kind one speaks, it usually consists of small inspirational comments: "Don't listen to him. We're all in your head. I will be with you no matter what."

Sometimes, I've thought that this voice is God. Other times, I like to think it's a passed loved one encouraging me to continue on my trek.

As for the other random voices, I never know what they're going to say.

3. I've spoken to mental health professionals. I am paranoid schizophrenic, but I am not violent, and have not had any psychotic episodes. It usually remains as a constant buzz in the back of my head. Yes, you can physically feel schizophrenia in your head.

Please, ask any questions you want. I will get to them eventually, even if there are many.

I encourage curiosity.

Do you think the origin of the voices are an internalization of the interpretations of of the attitude of others?

The reason why I ask, is because as an empath, I have to deal with the situation I described, and it sounds very similar, although somewhat different.