Ask A Schizophrenic Anything

reply to post by CleverNameHere


Death is far more expensive than fixing a brain tumor I'll tell you that.

reply to post by CleverNameHere


Is there such a thing as "scary's on the wall"? This I have always wondered since I heard this song

www.youtube.com...

I always thought there was a schizophrenic-slant to it.

[edit on 25-8-2009 by pluckynoonez]

reply to post by Neo_Serf


No one knows what is real.

There is no way to know what is real.

Almost everything we know has been taught to us by others.

We did not do the research ourselves; we did not explore the earth ourselves.

It is a scary place to be right now, as a simple citizen.

Do you yourself know for a fact that the earth is round? No, but you trust in the scientific community.

It is scary, the trust people put into them. To me, trusting those you do not know can be a potential spiritual weakness.

I trust my family. I know what is real, because I have done the research myself.

Unfortunately, what is real to me, may not be real to you.

We live in a world where we create our own individual realities.

Sometimes, it's hard to keep your own reality in sync with those around you.

reply to post by CleverNameHere


Also, if I watch more than 2 episodes of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! I feel as though I will have a psychotic episode myself. Does this happen to you?

Here is what I am talking about:



Clearly almost nearly insane.

reply to post by awakened sleeper


It's so hard to describe. It's not exactly like a censor, but.. ahhh.

It's like they have completely different eyes than normal human beings. Usually larger.

The Gray's come to mind, sometimes.

But I'd rather not delve into something I'm not supposed to tap into until I'm ready.

reply to post by Boomer1941


I have memories of laying down in my bed and staying motionless until my "body" got up on it's own and walked away.

I do not know what it means.

I don't remember it actually happening.

reply to post by Watcher-In-The-Shadows


Many things.

Second line.

reply to post by DaMod


We already have family plots and coffins. My aunt and uncle own a funeral home. I'm set if I die.

I'd rather not talk about death, though.

Thank you for your post.

reply to post by pluckynoonez


Hahaha!

That is really creepy.

reply to post by CleverNameHere


If there was a way to just re-boot your brain, such that you could be rid of it, would you do it?

Hi, Clevernamehere

My parents fought often. On some occasions (when I was young) their faces appeared to grow much larger, then smaller .. alternating between the two for several moments. There was another distortion I experienced at approx. the same age/stage: their mouths would appear to grow monstrously large -- when they were laughing, for example. I can remember being frozen in shock and fear as they swung their heads towards me (while laughing about something, for example) and the mouths were massive in comparison to the rest of their faces. At the same time, the laughter itself had a 'tinny' sound .. similar to what's called 'canned laughter' which is played as a backdrop to tv-comedies. This tinny laughter didn't really co-ordinate with the movement of the huge mouths.

Have you experienced anything similar ?

To CleverNameHere

I forgot to add that during the experiences detailed in my above post, the sound of their voices (whether the out-of-sync laughter or the arguments) rose and fell .. as in louder and softer -- although really it seemed more a case of distance, as in closer, then further away, then closer, then further away. There was a rhythm to it, falling and rising alternately

reply to post by OmegaPoint


I would never let myself forget what has happened to me.

The moment anyone does such a thing, I believe they should be sent to an eternal Hell.

We are here as Witnesses for what is to come. We must simply experience life.

If nothing anyone did mattered, because they could just get people to forget, the world would be a much darker place.

And it's already more dark than I want it to be.

reply to post by CleverNameHere


I didn't say wiped clean as in forgotten, but what if there was a possible brain event experience you could have, which could cure you of it, would you do it? I'll U2U you what I'm referring to.

Dude, this is the last place you need to be, honestly man, this place will drive your symptoms through the roof eventually.

I reccomend you reformat your brain with very good books, like Siddhartha, The Celestine Prophecy, even watch The Celestine Prophecy movie, it will all help a great deal on your spirituality and you may even be able to beat your skizophrenia (f*** what the doctors say).

Meds should only be used when you feel that your world is crumbling, the only true thing that can reformat and reconfigure your brain is true, deep meditation, and love and harmony. Get a dog, go for a nice walk into the woods with a bottle of water, go fishing, find things that eleviate your stresses, because your stress is the #1 thing that will induce skizophrenic thoughts.

Good luck on the adventure man, and I'd appreciate it if you'd U2U me! I would love to help out if I could

Sorry, I don't mean to steal your thunder but I decided I should post some information re: schizophrenia just to give some unfamiliar people a look at what it really is.

P.S. Watch the last video first!

Schizophrenia (pronounced /ˌskɪtsɵˈfrɛniə/ or /ˌskɪtsɵˈfriːniə/), from the Greek roots skhizein (σχίζειν, "to split") and phrēn, phren- (φρήν, φρεν-; "mind") is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a mental disorder characterized by abnormalities in the perception or expression of reality. Distortions in perception may affect all five senses, including sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch, but most commonly manifest as auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking with significant social or occupational dysfunction. Onset of symptoms typically occurs in young adulthood,[1] with approximately 0.4–0.6%[2][3] of the population affected. Diagnosis is based on the patient's self-reported experiences and observed behavior. No laboratory test for schizophrenia currently exists.[4]

Studies suggest that genetics, early environment, neurobiology, psychological and social processes are important contributory factors; some recreational and prescription drugs appear to cause or worsen symptoms. Current psychiatric research is focused on the role of neurobiology, but no single organic cause has been found. Due to the many possible combinations of symptoms, there is debate about whether the diagnosis represents a single disorder or a number of discrete syndromes. For this reason, Eugen Bleuler termed the disease the schizophrenias (plural) when he coined the name. Despite its etymology, schizophrenia is not the same as dissociative identity disorder, previously known as multiple personality disorder or split personality, with which it has been erroneously confused.[5]

Increased dopamine activity in the mesolimbic pathway of the brain is consistently found in schizophrenic individuals. The mainstay of treatment is antipsychotic medication; this type of drug primarily works by suppressing dopamine activity. Dosages of antipsychotics are generally lower than in the early decades of their use. Psychotherapy, and vocational and social rehabilitation are also important. In more serious cases—where there is risk to self and others—involuntary hospitalization may be necessary, although hospital stays are less frequent and for shorter periods than they were in previous times.[6]

The disorder is thought to mainly affect cognition, but it also usually contributes to chronic problems with behavior and emotion. People with schizophrenia are likely to have additional (comorbid) conditions, including major depression and anxiety disorders;[7] the lifetime occurrence of substance abuse is around 40%. Social problems, such as long-term unemployment, poverty and homelessness, are common. Furthermore, the average life expectancy of people with the disorder is 10 to 12 years less than those without, due to increased physical health problems and a higher suicide rate.[8]

Wikipedia Source

Here is a video of how the Doctors of psychology view schizophrenia.



Just a general description. (this one might help you)



Here is a video peering into the mind of a super severe case of schizophrenia known as "Catanonia". (I'm sure you are not this far gone Mr. weird eye avatar.)



This is a testimony (and documentary i guess) from a schizophrenic. (you may want to watch this one) As you can tell from her testimony she gets worse over time.



Personally, I think you should get treatment. If not for yourself do it for your family and those that love you so they don't have to watch you deteriorate inside. I'm sure you agree they shouldn't have to watch you slip slowly into insanity. Treatment my friend, treatment!





[edit on 25-8-2009 by DaMod]

[edit on 25-8-2009 by DaMod]

Can you fathom a point of convergence that would solve, that would transcend your internal division? With this I am going to add my take. It is a long encouraging rant from somebody who has had plenty of inner turmoil. Take what is helpful. Ignore what is not. But I just have to throw my 2 cents in.

I know it is an unnerving, disorienting, and frightening path from time to time, but please, for your own sake, do not let the label of schizophrenia define you. If you WILL, do not put limits on your capabilities to develop into a fulfilled, whole, unified human being, one existing beyond the current inner turmoil you have experienced. Discuss your confusions with other people, but just try to find that they are optimistic, loving, honest, insightful human beings. Not necessarily all of the time, as none of us is perfect, but see that they have these characteristics both naturally a good bit of the time and idealistically in general. It sounds like your family fits this bill. Feel joy that you are so loved. It is the best thing life has to offer, beyond anything material or fame can grant. It truly is worth more than diamonds. I find that loving people keeps me more together and at peace as a living being, as I am sure you have noticed as well. Don't be afraid to feel your feelings, but of course try to see them in a proper perspective. I know I am preaching to the choir, but I see something in your words to which I can relate. I guess I just care, but not because I am necessarily some great person or something LOL, but because your words resonate with me, like I have seen the patterns before. I feel an empathic connection. I just want to tell you that you can emerge above the water surface. Not by being at war with yourself, but by reconciling, by making peace with warring elements. Sure, there might be warring moments from time to time, but I know that you can transcend them, if you WILL. I have great faith that you have the will to erect a bridge across the gaps of the divided parts of yourself. Sure, be happy, have fun doing what you like to do, and love your family, etc. in the meantime, but stay open to your very own personal reconciliation.

I am going to provide a back story in a bit, as it a good example of the chaos I have dealt with, and how it can be overcome, at least to a certain extent. It seems like your external background was quite different from mine, but we have both suffered inner turmoil. I have had my share, and you obviously have as well by this time. I noticed degrading patterns in the turmoil, and I also realized spiritual mindsets that can unravel the binding chaos and division. I will first paint the picture, and I will then offer my personal insight on how I got through it all. Of course, I am not saying that you should do the exact same thing as me. You have to choose your own forks of the road to travel upon. I do not know exactly where you are on the vast interconnected neural road network. Only you can discern that, and you certainly can do it, or at least move in the direction. You can sit on that center point.

Here's the story: I had a very stressful childhood, and I received lots of chaotic, inconsistent, always-rule-changing responses from my parents. My mother was dominating, pollyannaish, and one-sided, although she would break down in a very loving, but out-of control way everyday in between her more standoffish moments. She loved us deeply half the time, but in a too primal, almost too emotional way. The other half of the time, she was a formidable psychological wall that could not be penetrated.

My father was a hermit, angry, and possessed a saboteur streak, of everything but his career. He destroyed his own personality, and always sought to level and/or dominate his children. He was quite irrational, and being a voice of reason brought forth violent wrath. The wrath was often verbal (he was a psychology major, as well as my mother, so they were very good at mind-screwing manipulation) and sometimes very physical, to the point of leaving bruises over my entire body. I was told if I said anything, then CPS would take me to a nasty group home with a foster parent ten times worse than my father. They would both play mind games, questioning the authenticity of memories, basically able to instill a self-nihilism in their children. It was a dynamic that grew out of control. I honestly believe that there were short moments of hope for a change in the dynamic, but that for the most part, this whole thing had taken on a life of its own, rendering both parents and most siblings locked in a hideous reality tunnel, which had no bearing on the greater reality one bit.

I was the willful one, the second of all four boys. I was the born justice seeker. I developed the whole gold lion personality at an early age. I thought of myself as a seeker of peace, but one who was able to be active and strong. My parents, through the dynamic, helped squash that vision, leaving me a zero. I developed bi-polar disorder with accompanying compulsive thoughts. My thoughts trailed and trailed, delving further and further into the abstract. I was perpetually going down a rabbit whole, trying to make sense of my place in this vast world. I unraveled layer upon layer, until all that was left was a seed. I grabbed onto that seed, and I have gotten better ever since. I still have brief moments of a descent into a vast ocean of disorientation and anxiety, but I am able to willfully shift my perspective when this occurs. Not always do I do this, but I do so most of the time, and I WILL do so more and more of the time, ever-increasing the frequency.

The key is to take control, but to also be willing to see an ever-bigger view. I think the key to not getting lost in the maze while at the same time being able to move around (mentally), is to be MINDFUL of a few things in this oftentimes confusing, conflicting, schizophrenic world. You see, if you collectivize human beings, we are at a state of war against ourselves; we are divided, split against ourselves. The sum of all people acts as a sort of schizophrenic being.

(continued)

If you are empathic, and it sounds like you are, it just might be more natural for you than most to see the world divided against itself. You can still care and not let that pattern wreck you. You sound like a sensitive and loving person. You mentioned crying during breakdowns. In my past breakdowns, I would cry profusely, touching the deepest and most dynamic emotional chords. It was disorienting and destructive, but it also sort of revealed roots of things. If you like the roots you see, you can allow the tree to grow to abundance by fertilizing it with faith and encouragement. If you do not like the roots you see, you forget them by releasing your fear of the ugly tree that emerges from them. What you fear and hate is still on your mind, so it is important both to not be judgmental of others and self, and to forgive others and self. If you have experienced profound things that cannot be easily understood or verbalized, as you have, then love people and start releasing your fear, throwing your arms in the air, surrendering to becoming yourself. Allow yourself to feel love and release fear, gradually but gracefully unraveling the mental/spiritual/psychological ties that have bound you, the ties being all those thoughts/constructs/automatic emotional responses that send you on a wild goose chase. Love others with all of your heart. Love yourself with all of your heart, but also realize that your self can evolve in your continued reconciliation with yourself. Be open to development beyond your wildest dreams.
I will finally lay out a general framework of thoughts that helped me, as I promised. If you think they will help you; feel free to use them.
In my upbringing, I saw (my parents) two negative mirror images of each other in a state of war, domination and deception. They both developed characters that could assault the other, while also shielding the self. Too bad this façade destroys the self. The first mistake is going with the false image. It is a deception.

Because I saw these two superficial characters, constructs of fearful self-defense and insecure/hostile external attack, because I saw these characters as genuine, I feared. I feared the false image, although it was very real to me at the time, and it would affect anybody, it was still a false image in the sense that it was artificial behavior arising out of a warlike, fearful, deceitful, forceful mentality. Fear of this false image, as we view this icon in our minds as ready to exploit, manipulate, and dominate us, this fear leads to a sort of pride, but not necessarily a textbook sort of definition. It is more like a prison for the self, necessarily limiting and coloring how we imagine ourselves; because we have to grasp some concept of reality to have a foundational perspective, we easily, when fearful and vulnerable, internalize the chaos around us; we easily incorporate some ultimately self-destructive, fearfully defensive, deceptively hostile thought constructs into our ego, seemingly cemented by pride. Finally, because we entered this pride stage from both faith in the false image and the subsequent fear of that false image (the image being sort of like a gigantic artificial satellite eclipsing the sun, the genuine self), this pride encourages us into a state of vanity, a vanity that is of a dangerous self-reflective nature.

You see, because the vanity, the natural attraction to self-reflection, because this vanity is restricted to the confines of the pride box (the ego seeking security), the vanity causes a distorted, broken self-view. The vanity becomes a looking at ourselves as defined by the world. It naturally hides our most whole and most genuine selves, our cores, deep within multiple layers of a mental/spiritual/psychological onion. And, since the world as a whole is divided against itself, we received a seeming infinity of conflicting information, much of it intentionally or unintentionally deceptive, or anywhere in between. We saw domination through fear and intimidation, and through active use of force. Sure, on a smaller scale, we saw love and connection and cooperation, but when looking at the whole picture, we saw discord, opposition, elimination, division, domination-and-manipulation, divide-and-conquer. A split, separated, psychic disconnect amongst the people.

It has been propagandized that different people are not to meet, spiritually. It can seem to me, sometimes, that the only socially allowed outlet for intimate love and connection is with the one whom we are having sex (especially amongst men, as we have been duped (by others and our very own selves) into defining ourselves as not loving, not empathically connected, as only existing to the extent that we are more powerful than some other, or to the extent that we are on some distant mental frontier, forever exploring, never sitting still, forever chasing rabbits, rather that sitting down in the middle of the circle and petting that up-to-this-point pesky rabbit, delighting in the peace that can follow the dispersal, if we WILL it to be).

(continued)

I then realize that I am defining myself by my PERCEPTION of what I expect others want me to be. I then realize that I can free myself from that rigid, self-imposed cage if I return to the perspective of not judging others, and also the perspective of not ultimately judging myself. You see, we judge others as we judge ourselves. We easily tend to project our own perspectives onto others. We cannot be sure of the inner working of another person, we can only make an educated guess, and even the most educated of guesses can miss the mark, the center point of another, by miles and miles. We, of course, need to forgive others and our very own selves as well; the concept of forgiveness and judgment affect the one and the other; they go hand-in-hand and are deeply intertwined; they are married concepts. Only by forgiving others can we forgive ourselves, because as long as we are holding onto that hate of some imagined aspect we see in another, we are connected to the very concept in ourselves. And even worse, we can have a nasty tendency to not even see that concept in ourselves, giving it more power, more steam, more inertia to run a lengthy course of destruction in our lives and others. When we forgive the other, we begin the process of uprooting that which is destructive in our very own lives. When we give the other a place to flourish beyond his or her current boundaries, we remove our own shackles as well. When we forgive ourselves directly, we WILL ourselves the freedom to not repeat the same self-destructive steps. We are not robots, destined to repeat the programming eternally, in an infinite loop of massive proportions! I am not a robot! You are not a robot! Please remember that, and do not put a firm lid on your development and recovery. Remember the story of the grasshopper, stuck in a glass jar with the lid on top. It jumps up. It hits the lid. It falls. It repeats. When the lid is removed, the poor thing continues to jump only to the height at which the lid once rested. Sure, we have all had limitations throughout our lives, but those of the mental/spiritual/psychological kind are not permanent; they are only temporary, if we choose to see them as they truly are, states of mind that can be overcome, states that can be transcended into a more fluid, more natural, but still peaceful awareness.

To get back to the main point (although the tangential stuff does add insight), the vanity leads to narcissism, an attraction to the false self. This kind of further cements the process. We have been duped into believing (by others and ourselves) that we are as we have been defined by others. We, in a sort of tunnel vision, believe we are stuck in this state. We then give over to lust, or our instincts. The instincts are colored by a limited and false view of self, one that cannot see outside of its own tiny sphere. This leads to ultimately self-destructive beliefs, choices, and behaviors. It is an ultimately destructive loop, as this sort of lustful instinct goes against the long-term interests; at this point, you have to almost do the opposite of your “natural” inclinations; you have to try to see the “whole” picture, as you are blinded to all but the automatic.

All this being said, don’t have faith in that which would deceive you. This is done by not judging others and self, and by forgiving others and self. Judge a tree by its roots, but realize that the roots stand a good chance of not being known by he who manifests the tree. Have faith in reconciliation, fearing not. You will then be secure, not clinging to selfish pride; it is a very confident humility. You will then look at yourself as you can be, and as you are, seeing infinite potential. You will love yourself, as you have seen the paths to which hate leads. You will then sense the connection of all things, allowing a great love for the other to emerge, something transcending fear, hate, and division. You can unify; it might not happen overnight, but you can. I have faith in you.

reply to post by orwellianunenlightenment


That was amazing. I star'd all three posts.

Thank you so much.