Anger, why do we hang on to it?

reply to post by liveandlearn


I think we all learn from these experiences, and hopefully come away

better people, and learn the true meaning of compassion toward others

even if it has been a painful experience in the process.

We always have choices, and hopefully we make the right one.

[edit on 24-8-2009 by truth/seeker]

Anger is a hard protective shell around hurt.

The reason that people hold onto anger is because they just cannot face that hurt.

Angry people are to be pitied, and to be helped to face their hurt.

Once this has happened (although it is not easy), they will be released from their anger.

Originally posted by spellbound
Angry people are to be pitied, and to be helped to face their hurt.

This sounds like shoddy psychology and is a little narrow minded.

I can think of a lot of things that should make you angry. I don't want to know why massive pollution hurts my feelings, I would prefer solutions. I don't want to let go of that anger or be pitied, I want to channel it into something productive.

There are a lot of reasons that people could be angry that wouldn't call for them to be pitied or have their emotions questioned or guided.

reply to post by maus80


Okay, a lot of things in this world do make me angry.

But I stand by what I said.

And as you can differentiate between my shoddy philosophy and your own superior philosophy, perhaps you have the answer.

reply to post by spellbound


I already gave the answer; channeling that anger into something productive. Facing something that has hurt you is just one way of doing that and not always relevant or useful.

forgiveness and acceptance helped me to let go of anger.
after my dad was murdered 7 years ago, i was full of anger, rage and bitterness. it did take me a while and a lot of work to come to the point of letting go.
the serenity prayer helped me ..

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things i can not change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference"

Oh .. and I have a Hons degree in Psychology ..
I have never used it and it didnt help me at all!!!!!!!

love and light
ps

Like every response in this thread because each one is a personal opinion or belief.

This is what ATS is all about.

My personal opinion is that anger is just a stage of what our Ego's go through to justify or protect us, but the fact remains where is the fine line between our ego's protecting us or controlling us and destroying our lives.

Another belief is that we are not our Ego's, our Ego's start out when we are very young and grow as we age and they are totally separate from who we are, thus Anger is just a byproduct of our ego's.

So we do we hang on to our Anger? Our ego's tells us that if we are angry that maybe people won't come and hurt us or bother us again.

How many of you like being around a angry person?

I'm a lot better avoiding anger now, nirvana helps a lot. Stay away from notions, ideas, and go with the flow.

Originally posted by Realtruth
Now what personal successful solutions do people have that allow for anger to be released permanently.

I have a very successful solution to holding onto anger. First, I make a mental list of the assumptions I'm making or the positions I'm taking around the anger-causing event or situation. And then I study them to see how much truth is in them. As I pick them apart, I find that my anger, since it is BASED on these assumptions and positions, begins to fade away and I can release it.

Example:

Yesterday, my husband asked me to stop at the nursery for something on the way to my water aerobics class. We had just had a big rain. I parked at the nursery and just as I got to the door, I slipped in a patch of thick mud and fell completely down, right in front of the store, ON MY KNEES, which are injured and "bad" anyway... The people entering the nursery behind me came up to help me up and the proprietors opened the door to make sure I was okay and everything... So plenty of people SAW me fall down, I was thoroughly embarrassed, covered in mud and in PAIN! This was my first stage of anger.

The second stage came when I was picking up my mud covered keys and money, and the clerk had the nerve to comment that my shoes were not appropriate for mud!

(Let me say here that I was going to a STORE, not planning on hiking in the mud, so I wasn't wearing my hiking boots, but a pair of smooth-soled rubber shoes. If I had planned on trekking through a mud field, I would have dressed appropriately!)

Having regained my composure somewhat, I suggested to the clerk that perhaps the answer would be to spread some gravel in front of the door, since she had mentioned that "that's always the last place to get dry after rain". Then, I found out that they didn't even have what I came there to get! Now my anger turned toward my husband.

I used their bathroom to clean the mud off my knees and shoes and left, thinking I was going to go home instead of to my class because I hurt so bad that I probably wouldn't do much good in class. But I decided that maybe some swimming would do me good and I wasn't crazy about approaching my husband with all this anger roiling around in me.

As I soaked and nursed my poor knees in the warm pool, I thought about my assumptions and positions and started to pick them apart:

1. They should have had that mud taken care of. (They probably never considered that someone might fall. It just never occurred to them. Maybe it should have, but it obviously didn't. If it had, they would have done something about it because no one wants someone to take a fall on their property!)

2. They were trying to cover their asses by making a comment about my shoes. (This is probably true. Someone spoke without thinking. It was a stupid thing to say at that instant, but people are imperfect and they don't want to be sued. If someone fell on my property, I'd start looking for ways that they were at fault. So, they're just being human, like me.)

3. My husband should NOT have asked me to stop for him! (This one's simple. He had NO WAY of knowing that I was going to fall and the LAST thing he wants is for me to be in pain. He adores me and would never take the chance of me being hurt.)

4. They were laughing at me. Probably laughed at me after I left. (Maybe they were. But it's not like watching someone fall down isn't funny. I've laughed at it myself. I've laughed at myself falling down since then. And who really cares what they think? It doesn't matter.)

So, as I let these truths sink in, the anger just fades.

Sorry this is so long.

people think anger will help them feel better and easy.
but when your happy you understand that you dont need anger anymore

Well the Buddha said this of anger:

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

and

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.

and

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

Anger is an unskilful emotion, it harms noone more than ourselves, so I try to live by these sayings amongst others, and life just seems brighter!

Peace

'Cause it feels good.... doesn't anyone agree? It's almost addicting!

As a reformed "doormat" my anger is needed sometimes. Hey, even stewing in it for a day or so is OK. It let's me think things through so I can figure out how to handle the situation in the future.

Any longer than a day though is really counter-productive. Then it's eating away at me and what's the point of that? Don't feel guilty about being angry though...just don't feed on it unnecessarily.

anger is a primal emotion. we hang onto it, because we need it to survive. if you can't become angry, people will be able to walk all over you. if confronted with say a bear, fear would overcome you, while if you could get angry at it, for trying to end your existence for instance, you could either defeat it or remained clear headed enough to escape it.

overall anger is an important human emotion. it's when we allow it to fester, into resentment or depression or rage etc.., that it becomes our enemy. one can become angry and still be clear headed and direct that anger, but rage, resentment....they sway you into doing things you'd never normally do.


i don't know if i really put that very clearly, oh well.

My personal favourite is to just stop caring. Its rather easy, you just have to realize and I mean truely realize that everything around you is just so trivial and in the end means nothing. Call it a nihilistic view, but to me it has no negative connotation.

I rarely get mad, and when I do, it takes about 5 minutes before I am mellow again and could careless. Again, realize that it is nothing, it means nothing more then an ant crossing the sidewalk should. (although ants crossing the sidewalk DO mean something to me, I will actually step around them if I can.)

reply to post by Realtruth


1. Anger usually involves hurt, pride, fear . . .
2. Human nature to feel JUSTIFIED in being angry.
3. Most fail to or even refuse to realize that nursing anger, bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness is kind of like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.
4. Satan has a big investment in generating angry feelings and responses.

5. It's better to say: "I feel angry when you _________" and always AVOID saying "You MAKE me angry." NO one has the power to MAKE ANOTHER PERSON angry unless the other person gives them that power.
6. WHY GIVE ANOTHER PERSON CONTROL OVER YOUR EMOTIONS?

7. It's much better to say . . . THAT LEFT ME FEELING angry vs MADE me feel angry. No one FORCES you to feel angry. Bad choice of words makes the psychology of angry worse, not better.

8. Forgiveness, peace, acceptance, serenity, better immune systems etc. are worth changing one's word choices and thought habits for.

9. Forgiveness does not mean one condones or approves the misdoings of the other person.

10. Forgiveness means one resignes trying to play judge, jury, executioner, God.

"I have no personal history. One day I found out that it is no longer necessary for me and, like drinking, I dropped it. If you have no personal history, no explanations are needed; nobody is angry or disillusioned with your acts. And above all no one pins you down with their thoughts."

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