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Anger, why do we hang on to it?

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posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 08:07 PM
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What I am asking for is an answer that comes deep from within you, and not some cut and paste from another website or Psych definition.

I have so many friends that are PhD's in the field, yet there own families seem to be a mess, so as much respect as I have for the field of psychology there is much that is unanswered.

I look around these days and see many people very frustrated, and angry, but some do a great job of hiding it. Why do people seem to love to hold on to anger?

Now what personal successful solutions do people have that allow for anger to be released permanently.



[edit on 23-8-2009 by Realtruth]




posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 08:52 PM
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[edit on 23-8-2009 by styleswahington]



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 08:59 PM
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I just look at it like any anger that I have is only hurting me, and not whomever I am angry with.

They could care less.

Therefore I won't be angry as it only benefits them, not me.

Besides, instead of getting mad lets say at someone who cuts you off, laugh at them and see what happens.(you shift the anger from you to them)



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 09:04 PM
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You know this was coming.
"YODA"
"Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

I guess people are gluttons for punishment.
Anger sometimes gives a false impression of having power over something that you have no control over.
The roots are a varied as anything else.
Fear is paramount amongst the causes though.
Selfishness, is another.

People like being angry.
It's as simple as that.




We are also conditioned to feel that way to an extent, by modern influences.


[edit on 8/23/2009 by reticledc]



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 09:31 PM
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Because in modern developed nations there are a million distractions from our feelings, awareness, and from our ability to develop proactive lifestyles. We instead tend towards reactionary and escapist attitudes and habits and only face things when there seems to be little other option.

The more passive and politically correct we become, the more surrounded by distractions and indulgences, the less we acknowledge and reconcile our feelings.

This is why in the movie Network, we are told to turn off our televisions and get angry.



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 10:03 PM
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I hold on to anger so I can play around with it for a while. I had a discussion with my nine year old this evening. She was angry and I told her that she had to let it go because when we're angry, it only hurts us. She's her daddy's girl, so of course it didn't sink in.

To me, anger leads to resentment. If I'm angry, rather than deny it, or stuff it, like I did for many years, I have to talk to someone about it. With the help of someone OUTSIDE of the problem, I have to figure out what my part in it is and try to put it to rest. Sometimes when I'm angry at someone else, I have to find out what I did wrong and apologize for that. Remembering that others are human too and prone to mistakes, helps me get rid of it sometimes.
I think I agree with a previous poster that said it's about some sort of control. I have a conception of fairness and if you step across that, I get angry. I watch my children and so often their anger seems to be designed to accomplish something. They are hoping to right a perceived injustice or to just get their way. I don't know that most adults are any different.
Balance is the trick, IMO. I SHOULD get angry sometimes and there's nothing wrong with that. Jesus even got angry, if you want to believe those stories. He was angry at money changers and turned over all their tables. (Jesus didn't sin, so anger must not be a sin)
Anger in itself is a natural thing. I think it's when we let it fester for days, months or years without taking any positive action that we risk damage to ourselves. Anger, like the other fine emotions we get to play with, is an indicator for us. Like warmth, pressure, cold, taste....it's a sense...when our anger is activated, it's an indicator that there is something that requires our action. If we choose not to address that thing, either through careful consideration of our expectations, or our part in something, or through righting whatever the wrong is, we are setting ourselves up for numerous ailments.
I've not met too many people that handle their anger really well. It takes work to move past it and that involves admitting weakness, lack of control, and perhaps that we have done something that we shouldn't have. It takes work and a lot of people are just too damn lazy. Any given day, I am as well.
It has been said that resentment is like drinking poison, expecting the OTHER person to die. I think the truth is that we hang on to anger, because we don't know anything else. Many of us are not well equipped to deal with any of our emotions. The trouble is, if we let anger fester, it will kill us. So, in the end, why do we hang on to anger? Because we don't know any better or choose to do any different.



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 10:19 PM
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I think sometimes people thrive on their anger. Its like then they are in that state of angriness, it gives them some kind of power, power over others.

They get a pay off of some sort, its different from everyone.

Genetics possibly have a role in it as well.

I usually am fairly balanced, I do get angry sometimes but rarely does it last very long, as it takes lots of energy to be angry.

When i am angry, it at times hard to come out and say im angry, because usually what im angry about is some thing rather stupid, that i should not have gotten angry at in the first place..
I think it would be easier to let go of it if we weren't so afraid to talk about what it was that made us angry in the first place, but that is easier said than done.

Its different for everybody, I know there are some people that hang on to it, to analyze it for a couple of days.

Some people use video games, computers, etc. for some kind of distraction, to avoid what they are really feeling, which can be good or bad depending on what you do. Some people write stuff down, (that sometimes helps me).

Anyways, I think everyone needs to find that thing that helps them to not hang on to their anger.

Just want to say thanks for the post, and if this thread ends after MY post, (thats usually what happens, the threads end when I reply).

but don't worry, I wont get too ANGRY......



I'll just have smoke coming out of my ears....



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 10:22 PM
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Some people just enjoy being angry all the time, they try to make
others as misserable as they them selves are....imo



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 11:17 PM
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As a person who still has anger let me just say I don't want to hang on to it.

I pray (to whomever) to be able to forgive and let go. Yet it doesn't happen.

I think it just takes time even for those of use who want to forgive.



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 11:31 PM
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reply to post by liveandlearn
 


Its not healthy to hang onto anger, I was married to an alcoholic for

many years, I finally decided it was in my best interest to move on

believe me been there done that. I forgave him, and and moved

on, it was'nt easy, but im a happier person now, he is'nt but he is no

longer my problem! anger is negative, you want positives in your

life!!!......imo



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 11:38 PM
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Its all the negative people that cause us anger. Its passed down from parents and culture spores.

We should get a bunch of us peaceful like people together and beat the snoot out of them every time they piss us off!



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 11:40 PM
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reply to post by RUFFREADY
 


Yea because beating the snot out of the negative people isn't being negative at all.



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 11:43 PM
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Bad temper is its own scourge. Few things are bitterer than to feel bitter. A man's venom poisons himself more than his victim.
*Charles Buxton

I had anger towards a person for good cause, but eventually let it go for the more I despised, the more I felt the destructiveness of though, internally.

Replace anger with love and peace.
You will be much happier, and feel better about yourself and the world.



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 11:44 PM
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reply to post by Realtruth
 


Anger is a negative emotion.
Being angry at someone is like being handcuffed to them.
There is power in forgiveness.
Forgiveness sets you free from the bonds of anger, hatred and
resentment.
---------------------------------------
There is a Dr. Phil answer:
People do what works.
Identify your payoffs.
Clearly, people who are angry are getting some sort of payoff
from that behavior.
--------------------------------------
I like all 10 Life Laws listed on Dr. Phil.com
Go check it out.
I like 2,4,8 and 9



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 11:50 PM
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In this life you will get angry, and you have the right to get angry. It's an emotion that you need to be healthy as a human being. It can be overdone by many people, but that doesn't mean you have to over do it.

Your life is a reflection of your perspective on it. If you go around seeing things as being terrible, they inherently will be.

It's OK to get angry. Just avoid being prejudice, or hating. Those are two things you can live without.



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 11:50 PM
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reply to post by Eurisko2012
 


Yeah, until after you've done a 12 hour work day at the job and try to get some peace of mind (and sleep) and your neighbor breaks out the gas powered weed wacker (with out a muffler).



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 11:52 PM
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reply to post by RUFFREADY
 


My Dad and Brother have anger problems, but I don't, life is what you
make it!!...imo



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 11:57 PM
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reply to post by Realtruth
 


The fear of helplessness or having the inability to control a certain situation is a definite precursor to anger IMO.
Retaining that anger, however is, I think, an extension of that.
As an example, I will tell you about my mother, who divorced my father in the 70's because of matrimonial betrayal, if you get my drift.
Anyway, it is now .....34 years later, she still holds onto the anger, which she ironically thinks is directed at my father, is on sleeping tabs, antidepressants, antipsychotics/mood stabilzers, smokes like a train and spends her days hidden away like a hermit.
Very sad, but a prime example of how anger that you think is directed at someone else actually harms you instead. She refuses to see how her anger is hurting her and it is almost like she can't let go of it.....

On a lighter note
both my sibling and I used this example of how not to live our lives. Both of us are happy, with loving partners and rarely hold onto anger for long.

I use the expression " The picture is always bigger than the lens through which it is viewed." This definitely helps to gain perspective of situations which threaten to get out of proportion.

Just my two cents worth, based on what I have experienced.
Peace



posted on Aug, 23 2009 @ 11:59 PM
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The only time anyone should get angry is if they can do something about what caused that anger.

My first wife cheated on me. I got angry and divorced her.

A few months after our divorce she sent me an invite in the mail to her wedding. She did it to make me angry. I sent the invite back politely declining the invite. Nothing I could do about it and even though I still loved her I didn't get angry.



posted on Aug, 24 2009 @ 12:33 AM
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reply to post by truth/seeker
 





Its not healthy to hang onto anger, I was married to an alcoholic for many years, I finally decided it was in my best interest to move on believe me been there done that. I forgave him, and and moved on, it was'nt easy, but im a happier person now, he is'nt but he is no longer my problem! anger is negative, you want positives in your life!!!......imo


Absolutely, and that is why I left an adulterous manipulative and abusive husband, but after much to many years. I have forgiven for the most part but much anger is at myself for not figuring it out an getting out much sooner.

I think much anger is misplaced, against the other person but because of our emotional attachment we don't break away.

How often do we need to forgive our self more than the other person. After all, they were just being who they are and doing what they understood or thought was right about life. When it was wrong for us, it was time to move on and forgive...not saying forget here, because forgetting would allow you to make the same mistakes.



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