A Little Help For Men Trying To Understand Women!

reply to post by Scopeless

I think that the bitchiness is a lack of training. I and many other men like me we're brought up being told to "control your emotions," and expressing them through other means, or only letting them out in private moments. I think that being under control keeps you rational in tough situations. If something bad happens and you don't act bitchy, people will think that you are a strong person...especially in a situation where someone is being a bitch/dick to you, and instead of losing your cool, you beat them at a different game.

uh huh, uh huh....I see

training

but you make me laugh

let me ask you something - do you ever lose your temper?

that is just bitchiness - without the bitch

pardon my need to point it out

also - silly man - until the day you're feet transform themselves into size eights while you're still wearing size seven shoes - you will never understand

reply to post by Phenomium


this is in the Psychology, Philosophy and Metaphysics forum

there are different forums here at ATS

for all you conspiracy guys that find this to be so confusing - learn to read

I'll bet many of your little conspiracies could be solved by just doing that much

the differences between men and women are fascinating

if you don't agree - don't join in

Originally posted by schrodingers dog
Some would argue that a woman's soul is the greatest and worthiest of all mysteries.

I believe some who would argue that, are just trying to get laid, lol.

We're not a different species, and we are very similar other than our hormone levels, and the instincts nature instilled in us to better the chance of having surviving offspring. Of course periods must suck, but it also sucks to be a man sometimes. Our sex drives can be a huge burden, and can become all consuming to a point of being quite uncomfortable. They can turn that on and off at will, since they generally do not harbor high testosterone levels (of course there are exceptions), i envy that.



[edit on 21-8-2009 by 27jd]

reply to post by 27jd

They can turn that on and off at will, since they generally do not harbor high testosterone levels (of course there are exceptions), i envy that.

:-)

I want to be very careful - because I am NOT picking a fight

but - do you really believe this to be true?

I ask - because I think many men DO think this is true

Originally posted by Spiramirabilis
I want to be very careful - because I am NOT picking a fight

but - do you really believe this to be true?

I ask - because I think many men DO think this is true

Don't worry, i'm pretty easy going, lol.

As for your question, i'm not sure 100% you can turn it on and off, because i'm a man, but you guys do a great job of seeming like you can. But, I can tell you 100% that a typical mans sex drive is 10 times that of of a typical womans, it's not even close. I think comedian Greg Giraldo said it best when talking about the comparison, and how the mere sight of a female employee at a dept store taking clothes off a mannequin, can send us into overdrive. Or the fact that there aren't any ratty strip clubs for women, you guys go in groups and it's more about having fun with your friends, laughing and joking. Men will go alone, and usually there is no laughing and merriment, only a bunch of guys looking at the girl on the pole like lions watching a gazelle pour BBQ sauce all over itself.

I believe women are sexual too, but it generally has to be with somebody they are comfortable with. For guys, it's very visual and some days every woman walking down the street in tight jeans can create an intense and even uncomfortable desire in men.

reply to post by 27jd

Don't worry, i'm pretty easy going, lol.

good to know - me too

As for your question, i'm not sure 100% you can turn it on and off, because i'm a man, but you guys do a great job of seeming like you can.

that's fair :-) maybe it does seem that way

it's a good point - no way to really know for sure what it's like to be the other

But, I can tell you 100% that a typical mans sex drive is 10 times that of of a typical womans, it's not even close.

well - since there's no way to know for sure - I'm just going to assume you're right

you guys talk about it all the time (as in incessantly)

so - yeah - unless you got absolutely nothing at all else to talk about - that alone seems like good evidence to me :-)

I believe women are sexual too, but it generally has to be with somebody they are comfortable with.

this is why I asked - I think it's interesting to hear men explain how they think we work

and I think it's also interesting that so many seem to think women aren't at the mercy of their hormones as well - and I don't just mean the ones that makes us all irrational, weepy, crabby - Hershey ingesting she creatures

:-)

reply to post by 27jd

Our sex drives can be a huge burden, and can become all consuming to a point of being quite uncomfortable. They can turn that on and off at will, since they generally do not harbor high testosterone levels (of course there are exceptions), i envy that.

Okay, men have high sex drives, esp. young men. None the less you are very mistaken that women just 'turn that own and off'. They can no more do that than a man can.

If you think your woman/women are doing that maybe you need to rethink what you are doing.

First, just because your woman is not synchronized with you doesn't mean she is 'turning it off'.

After the new in a relationship wears off it is more a matter of what you do. How do you approach her? Are you playful, loving, taking time to be romantic or set the mood or have you bitched at her all day then expect her to magically be ready because you had a hormone surge?

And do you make love to your lady or do you have sex? Big difference and if you don't know the difference it may be time to ask her some questions.

As we get older in life it becomes more and more about the person and less about raging hormones.

reply to post by 27jd


Hmm, after further thought I change nothing I said but have to admit that this is a sore point for me...just a little personal history.

I will try to lighten up...I usually am.

Originally posted by liveandlearn
If you think your woman/women are doing that maybe you need to rethink what you are doing.

I never said i had a problem with my partners sex drive. I'm well taken care of and so is she. We're very in sync, and i have no frustrations in my personal life at all. I'm speaking of men in general, and again, you have NO idea what kind of sex drive men actually have. You may think you do, but you really don't. Not trying to be a jerk or anything, it's just the way it is.

As a woman, if you were single and sober, how would you honestly feel if a semi-attractive male stranger walked up to you, and simply asked you back to his room? My guess is you would be at least a little offended. I don't know any men who would be offended by that offer (by a woman, felt the need to clarify that, lol), and most would prefer it to happen every single day.

[edit on 21-8-2009 by 27jd]

reply to post by liveandlearn


No worries, sorry if i opened any wounds. I didnt mean to.

Wow - some, uh, interesting responses here. Just to add my own .02:

I have been married to my second wife for 10 years. My first wife was, well let's just say a learning experience.

Anyway, my wife does sometimes cry for no reason like a lot of women do. She knows full well that I do not know now, nor will I ever know why she does. I accept that it happens from time to time and try to comfort her as best as I can. She accepts that I don't understand.

Both my wife and I have times when we just want to be alone. We both have the need to be alone so we both understand it and there's no need to explain.

Here's an important one for the men. If your wife/girlfriend doesn't like to haxe sex that often or can "turn it on and off" - sorry to say, but you're doing it wrong. My wife very rarely turns down sex and half the time initiates it. Side note - sometimes even a man can be too tired or sick. It's OK. Side note 2 - I do not "make love". The object of sex is physical pleasure for both. I admit freely it is better with someone you love, but I am still having sex. My wife accepts my definition, but still claims that we "make love".

My wife knows I'm more of a manly man and I am not really into cuddling, but I will spoon her from time to time. It's called "meeting halfway". She would have us cuddling every day - I would probably never cuddle. So we cuddle sometimes.

As a former "man slut", I can absolutely say that there are plenty of women out there who are completely fine with a one nighter. Or just "getting together" from time to time. You may not like each other enough to have a relationship with, but you both have itches that need to be scratched from time to time. If that is what you're looking for it is pretty easy - but that would be another thread. Having had both, I prefer the companionship of a relationship. My wife is my best friend and I am hers.

The key to an actual relationship is accepting (not necessarily understanding) that you are different. Accepting that you each have to give a little, but also knowing that if it becomes work for either one of you, it has run it's course.

A funny but fairly accurate saying I once read stated:
"Men marry women hoping that they will not change, women marry men hoping that they will."

Originally posted by tallcool1
Here's an important one for the men. If your wife/girlfriend doesn't like to haxe sex that often or can "turn it on and off" - sorry to say, but you're doing it wrong.

Well, that is the last time i'm going to make a comment like that, lol. It seems to have been taken way wrong, and all of the sudden i can't please a woman. Once again, i'm pretty sure i do everything just right, and my partner and i are very happy with each other. I was saying that in general, women do not have the sex drives that men do, it's science. It has to do with the caveman times, and the fact that for a man to ensure the survival of his genes, he had to have as many children with as many different women as he could, whereas women needed a steady man to hunt and provide the food for her and her children in order for the survival of her genes. Most women i've known that had one night stands regularly, also had some sort of emotional issues that went along with it. How many women compared to men have problems with porn and such?

Oh yeah, and i've NEVER been too tired, lol. I can honestly say that.

[edit on 21-8-2009 by 27jd]

reply to post by 27jd


Well, I'm glad you didn't take me too seriously. I was only half serious.

And if you've never been too tired - you will be some day. Perhaps that only happens when you're in your mid 40's and have 2 adult daughters and another 8 year old (almost) daughter living with you and you keep looking for the right moment but it gets too late and...and both you and your wife know that you'll get it tomorow.

Intersting thread greenize...I'll bite

First with all the sexual drive talk....I find it interesting that a female has a specific sexual organ, meaning that organ is for only "sex" but still men have a bigger sex drive...interesting huh?

Any who... I'll give you all the same advice my grandma gave me when I got married, and its pretty simple and works very well for my wife and I...

1. Communication is the key. We're not supposed to figure each other out. Thats what talking is for. No one reads minds

2. Never Lie!! even if you're trying to save her/his feelings honesty is security.

3. And most importantly NEVER go to bed for the night if you're in a fight. Work it out before you go to bed.

I like the thread greenize, I think everyone needs a break from the constent politics etc. we've all been so wrapped up in, in the last month. I got to laugh today..thank you

Originally posted by tallcool1
reply to post by 27jd

 

Well, I'm glad you didn't take me too seriously. I was only half serious.

And if you've never been too tired - you will be some day. Perhaps that only happens when you're in your mid 40's and have 2 adult daughters and another 8 year old (almost) daughter living with you and you keep looking for the right moment but it gets too late and...and both you and your wife know that you'll get it tomorow.

Is'nt that the truth, it feels like I'm a teenager again, but this time We're hiding from the kids, instead of the parents....

Originally posted by tallcool1
Well, I'm glad you didn't take me too seriously. I was only half serious.

You weren't the first to take it there, lol. Like i said, i meant that about women in general. They can "turn it off" in that they can seem completely uninterested in you, but when you finally hook up they say they've always had feelings for you, but you had NO idea. I meant it more in the courtship and such, or even first meeting at the bar or whatever, not IN the relationship. No need for games anymore at that point, and my fiance doesn't turn it off. Even if she's not totally in the mood or isnt feeling great, she makes it a point to make sure i'm okay waiting til the morning or whatever. Looks like we both got lucky with the women we're with.

And if you've never been too tired - you will be some day. Perhaps that only happens when you're in your mid 40's and have 2 adult daughters and another 8 year old (almost) daughter living with you and you keep looking for the right moment but it gets too late and...and both you and your wife know that you'll get it tomorow.

Yeah, i'm not there yet i can say. I'm in my early 30's, but we have 2 young children (1st and 3rd grader, girl and boy), so i feel ya there. We just usually make time, at some point in the day.

It's freaking sad when it goes from love to a 'how to manual'. A lot of us are not going to sit down and unravel woman because she's decided to become a complex mass of personal problems.

I read a site- I bookmarked it- it's called nomarriage. Iit states in clear, concise language how the American woman is put together. After what I have been thru, I believe every word of it.

reply to post by wylekat


Seems like you've been through a pretty horrible relationship or two. That sucks man, alot of us have been through it though, not that it will make you feel better. You're right, there shouldn't need to be a 'how to' manual in love. You're either compatable with somebody, or you're not. That's the heart of the issue, and staying in an unhappy relationship leads to dishonesty, hatred, and infidelity almost always, which then leads to a general distrust for the opposite sex. Some people are also just not cut out to be in a relationship at all, and i think society puts too much pressure on people to find somebody else. If you're happier being single, then you should stay that way. If not, hopefully you find somebody that you're compatable with.

edit: sorry, i realize i just went all "dear abby" on you...holy crap, i need to go get some beer and work on my truck, lol...

[edit on 21-8-2009 by 27jd]

I got my own theory:
Boys here's the truht...
Womens manual are written in chinese... learn chinese!!!
Mans manual is written in English but in very fine printing near the pubis...
Girls get closer to read it!!

reply to post by Phenomium


You are the third person to point out that they don't believe this thread belongs on ATS....it IS in the psychology forum....if u don't like it move on to the reptilians or something else that might interest you... ATS covers a wide variety of things, that is what makes it great!