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A Little Help For Men Trying To Understand Women!

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posted on Aug, 27 2009 @ 10:53 PM
reply to post by Confused and Dazed!

your wife - and your daughter - are lucky women

and you're a lucky man

I like the way you look at this world and this life

posted on Aug, 28 2009 @ 08:24 PM

Originally posted by Confused and Dazed!
I LOVE WOMEN! All women, everywhere. I love the female creature. I love femaleness of being. I love it in humans, and I love it in nearly every mammal.

I watch my wife, daughter, grand daughter, sisters, mother, family members and neighbors. It is the best show on earth. Guys, not so much.

Females make life worth living. It gives life it's spice, and zest. It takes your breath way in sheer joy, and also gives life pain. Women are the vessels of life. They are the well spring that makes life bloom and grow. Without them, it would be one drab, dismal existence.

To some, females may not be perfection. They may not be the ideal of reason and logic. I beg to differ. I feel they give life its humanity, and compassion. Nothing can compare to be loved and desired by a woman who loves you compassionately. Nothing can compare to being loved and adored by a daughter. Nothing can melt a mans heart like, like a little girl that his wife gave life to.

So, ladies, you can cry, have moods, and fly off the handle because you have had one too many buttons is OK.
You can be the biggest harpy one moment, and then be the softest angel the next. I accept it.
I am a man. I can be infuriating, maddening, selfish, brutish, and bossy. I apologize. You can be these things too. Your human.
When we gel, and our souls connect, and we literally become one in mind and heart, nothing in life is sweeter.

My wife;
My wife is my my heart. She makes me smile and makes my heart feel lighter by just the sight of her. Her soft voice , unreasonable or not, always cuts through my male fog. My daughter has bent me around her little finger since she was two. She is thirty seven today. She still can.

So yes, I accept you as not being a male. You are the opposite sex. I have been so blessed to have you in my life. I have never cheated on you, nor would I. You have made it very clear, that I am your guy. I love you deeply for it.

I will always hold you, and cuddle you when you need it. I will honor your body, and your sense of self by never forcing you to do anything that goes against who you are. I have always done that. We totally understand each others needs. You know what makes me tick, and how to make me glad I am a man.

Now we are in our sixties. We've each had some health scares. We're aging.
You've got gray hair, that you color...and it is OK. I am all gray.
You have lost some of your youthful definition, and muscle tone. It's OK. So have I. I still think your the most beautiful thing on the planet.

When I look at your aged left hand, and see the diamond and wedding band I put there many years ago, I remember the girl I proposed to. Your still with me. You said yes, and have been my partner through thick and thin.

I thank God for you, and that you are nothing but a female in everything you do. When I call you; "darling" you know I really feel it.

There is a solace knowing, that we will lay next one another throughout eternity, until we are dust and all traces are gone. Yet, our love for each other, will endure forever. Thank you darling, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Ladies, never be anything else but females. Your wonderful!

He's so whipped there's not room for another whipmark on his body. This guy is giving me diabetes. He's more of a woman than the women cheering him on. Geez. I'm confused and dazed as well,....are you the wife or the husband? This is exactly what I have been talking about.....Oh the day when men were men and not pansy, mushy crybabies spilling their emotions all over the floor. You're dazed and confused alright, that much is clear.

[edit on 28-8-2009 by Phenomium]

posted on Aug, 28 2009 @ 09:12 PM

Originally posted by Phenomium
He's so whipped there's not room for another whipmark on his body. This guy is giving me diabetes. He's more of a woman than the women cheering him on. Geez. I'm confused and dazed as well,....are you the wife or the husband? This is exactly what I have been talking about.....Oh the day when men were men and not pansy, mushy crybabies spilling their emotions all over the floor. You're dazed and confused alright, that much is clear.

...the only kind of female that will tolerate you is the doormat variety...

posted on Aug, 28 2009 @ 10:26 PM
reply to post by Phenomium

What I saw made me cringe. Reminded me of the days when they thought women should be worshiped and put up in an ivory tower. Goddess that were bowed down to and could do no wrong. If they did act out it was someone elses doing.

I thought it was kind of a put down to men in saying that women basically are the creators of life when without cloning a woman is as useless as man in that department. Having a child together should be a joint adventure which you both take joint pride and laurels for the child you created together.

I don't think he gives himself and men in general enough credit and makes it seems if men are a lower life form than women.

We need balance here people. There is nothing wrong with men that show their emotions but dang don't worship one sex. It's as bad as men that think women are all evil because of eve.

You might of had your sugar fix for the next 20 years but I think I've had my worship service for the same length of time also.

posted on Aug, 29 2009 @ 03:35 AM
What I dont get is people who trade out their relationship for something else thinking they will get it better. I see people do it all the time and the most of them end up even more miserable than they thought they where in the last relationship. Shopping for the perfect relationship is the special on the menu in this generation with the highest divorce rate of all time. Why is it we will all realize that our realtionships would have been better later on in life if we would just have settled down without the perfect life. All to ashamed to beg for forgiveness as our pride has become our master. A real pity we have become, only to reach out to our Father with riddles and fables about our own past relationship faults when we could have faced reality all along ending up in a strong relationship prepared for a better eternity, instead of repeating our foolish lusts forever in its own form of hell, which is never finding the perfection desired. Too bad for us, the spoiled rotten generation all with A.D.D. looking for the non-existent perfect reality, while heaven awaits normal laid back folks. I want to settle down, anyone else?

posted on Aug, 30 2009 @ 08:07 PM
I see that there still are "Neanderthals" out there, who think that it totally OK to belittle, and put down any man who is in touch with his emotions, and doesn't have issues with making them known.
I was raised to be respectful and thoughtful, and I would never call another person P'-whipped, or some other epithet, while trying to bolster my own lack of sensitivity. It doesn't make you any more of man, trust me!
You know guys, your half females genetically, `n jus' because you have a bulging package, doesn't mean your the better gender. You also have nipples and undeveloped breasts...ever wonder why?
I am so tired of men trying disparately to take credit for a woman's reproductive ability, by claiming he is pregnant too, and is a part of it. HA!

Big deal, you unloaded your precious gift! 95 seconds of effort tops, then you roll over! Whoopity Doo!
Once you've done the deed, that's as far as it goes, as far your concerned.
Don't try to lay claim to the uterus, or the fetus. Those are hers alone.

Does your period stop, and then you have morning sickness, and nausea? Does your belly stretch and grow, itch as the skin rips, while your breathing becomes harder, because of a cramped diaphragm? Does your belly button nearly explode? Do your breast's grow, ache, hurt, swell as the milk glands become active. Do your ankles swell as you gain weight, and retain water? Does your back ache as your spine tries to hold an extra 20+ lbs of baby weight? Do you have to watch your diet, so that you do not gain too much weight, because your so hungry all the time? Do you start to have the pregger's waddle as your baby drops lower, while your feet become wider from carrying a baby to term? Do you feel a new life growing inside of you? Do you feel it kick and move around, sometimes taking your breath away? Do you have to pee more than normal as your baby gets bigger? Do you have to lay on your side with pillows and back support while trying to make baby comfortable while you TRY to get some sleep? Do you have acne as your hormones begin to go crazy?
HOW DARE ANY OF YOU MALES claim that your part of it too. Your nothing but a damned spectator!

Do you go into labor, feeling as though your insides are ripping apart? Do you have your water break, sometimes at the most unforeseen times? Are you taken to the hospital, and then prepped for delivery? Do you have to assume the position, with your legs held high in stirrups, as you begin to dilate, and your birth canal opens? Are you the one laying there, panting, gasping in pain,sweating, while trying to do what the doctor directs? Do you have your pelvic bone split as the baby is pushed through the canal, and into daylight? Do you face the possibility of maybe dying as you give birth to new Life?
Maybe your standing next to her, cheering her on, waiting to see what comes out. Then you stand there, with your pride puffed up, as if you've just hit the lottery. Then you have the audacity to take credit for what only a female can do.

We're pregnant! We had a baby! I'm a daddy on maternity leave! All PC bullcrap statements, perpetuated by men who know they can't hold a candle to what a female is about.
Yes, I am in tune with my own femininity, because I am half female. I am man who has his eyes wide open, while I listen, and learn. I don't just talk to hear myself talk, something that many men are expert at. I don't label and criticize others who have taken time in life to emphasize and bond with their mate. I'm not the boss, or the one in charge of anything! When you think you are, you will receive your comeuppance, sure as hell.

Until you learn to trust, open your heart, listen, shut up, give of yourself unconditionally asking for no favor in return, show that your devotion is real, then just maybe, you'll be able to love her as she should be loved. Love has no preconditions or precognitions attached to it. Men seem to think that it does, and are quick to say so. She isn't a prize you win!

posted on Aug, 30 2009 @ 08:38 PM

Originally posted by inregardstoo
What I dont get is people who trade out their relationship for something else thinking they will get it better. I see people do it all the time and the most of them end up even more miserable than they thought they where in the last relationship. Shopping for the perfect relationship is the special on the menu in this generation with the highest divorce rate of all time. Why is it we will all realize that our realtionships would have been better later on in life if we would just have settled down without the perfect life. All to ashamed to beg for forgiveness as our pride has become our master. A real pity we have become, only to reach out to our Father with riddles and fables about our own past relationship faults when we could have faced reality all along ending up in a strong relationship prepared for a better eternity, instead of repeating our foolish lusts forever in its own form of hell, which is never finding the perfection desired. Too bad for us, the spoiled rotten generation all with A.D.D. looking for the non-existent perfect reality, while heaven awaits normal laid back folks. I want to settle down, anyone else?

UGH you are so right. one of my good friends is in a relationship with a guy who treats her like gold. on any given day she will come home to bouquets of flowers and champagne and a home cooked meal from her man. when i see them together, it just amazes me how well he treats her. . but she gets bored easily and doesnt realize what she has, when she has it. its not until you have lost someone who treats you like an absolute gem, that you realize people like that do not come around very often, if ever. i really wish people would learn how to appreciate what they have and not always look for the "perfect" person, because that perfect person doesnt exist. no one is or ever will be exactly what you want them to be. you have to learn to love a person for the good things about them, and not focus on whats not perfect.

posted on Aug, 30 2009 @ 08:38 PM
I for one see nothing wrong with a man expressing his love for his wife and daughters. Did you ever stop to think that if more people were willing to be open about their feelings, and actually had those feelings, we would live in better world! Loving his wife doesn't make him whipped! My husband tells me everyday that I am beautiful, he cries when I cry sometimes.... and he is the manliest man that I know. It doesn't make him effeminate or whipped... it makes him a man that is confident enough in his masculinity to allow his emotions to show! Who wants a hard ass woman hater?

[edit on 30-8-2009 by Greenize]

posted on Aug, 30 2009 @ 08:44 PM
its just like my mom said... my dad had a horrible temper, wasnt that romantic, was moody and strange in his artsy way... but she would take everything back to be with him again. none of those things matter to her now that she is older.. she sees what happiness he brought into her life when they were together, and my dad sees what happiness she brought him when they were together... but they had to move on and they both regret ending things as they did. they have been divorced for about 19 years and yet my mom still cant get over my dad, and my dad wanted her back for a long time but finally gave up and married someone else when my mom didnt seem serious about getting back together.

it just goes to show.. people are always looking for something better, when the best thing might be standing right in front of them... and if you end things with that person, who may have very well been the love of your life... you might never get another chance to be with them.

learn to be happy with what you have, and your love will grow with time. but look at all the faults of your relationship, and nothing good can come of it.

posted on Aug, 30 2009 @ 08:45 PM
reply to post by Confused and Dazed!

That was awesome!! I for one thank you for saying that!!!!

posted on Aug, 30 2009 @ 09:33 PM
Women select the man, not the other way around. He can posture, charm, show off, brag, or do his best to be witty, and collegiate. None of it matters. He can wear the best of male couture, have an amazing brilliant neon smile, with a body he has worked on sculpting to perfection. Yet, there he stands, a living Adonis, and yet he remains single, and cannot understand why!

He thinks that he is cut a mile above the rest of the male population, and expects nothing but the most perfect Aphrodite as his reward for his perfect maleness...

He plays the field, making his best moves, showing off his prowess while bragging of self professed expertise in the bedroom. If that doesn't work, then "slipping a mickey" into a unsuspecting targets drink, will show who is in charge of the "Catch Me,Catch ME" game. It is a game to him. He thinks women play the game just like he does...which is his greatest mistake.

Women select the man...and what she see's isn't what he thinks it is. The subtle cues, and nuances of the mating dance, are below the surface. They cannot be manufactured in the gym, or purchased off the rack.

The eyes are the windows to the soul. Women know how read the eyes. Men don't. Women can read every facial expression, and know what body language means. They are masters at it. They start learning it, when they are little girls. Females are social creatures normally, and they tend to cultivate their social standings and cliques early. They learn from each other, and from their mothers and sisters. By the time they are 15 or so, they pretty much have a good concept of how to read people. Males haven't a clue. They are still floundering around while they try to find their place.

Men are fools with eyeballs, that let what they see at first glance arose them.
A woman may initially take notice, but, she WAITS to SEE! That is the difference and a huge distinction.

The one thing that a mature female will know how to do, is, use her feminine wiles and charms to entice, tease, play, and send out whatever messages she wants. She can send out " I'm interested" one moment, and then," EWW" the next..totally confusing the male. All he see's, is her face, and body shape. He is formulating in his mind what she's like in bed within 20 seconds of saying hello. She is thinking; can I trust this guy, and is his act in fact the real him, or is he putting me on? Therefore, she begins to dissect his every facial tic, body movement and listens to every intonation of every word. In other words, she has her lie detector turned on. Unfortunately, way too many men, have perfected the art of the razzle-dazzle, baffle `em with your Bullcrap stories and outright lie their ass off, just to score. They are not interested in the real her, only what she can pleasure him with. These are immature males, or players.

A real male, one who is mature enough to understand his drives, and how he perceiving his ocular inputs, can allow himself to relax enough to let his inner being come though. A confident, relaxed, and subtly self assured male will always beat out the gamers. This is why, many times guys will see an absolutely beautiful woman, with a mundane to average looking man, that has no real over developed physical attributes. What he does have that counts, is on the inside, and how he thinks of himself, how he treats her emotionally and that he can empathize. A real male, can relate to her. He is confident enough, to not allow himself to be constrained by sheer ego driven maleness alone.
Very few men will try. They think it makes them less than men! Far too many, still think domination is their role.
There are many men that still think they are the one's who do the selecting.
A really smart female, can make him think this, when in fact, she selected him, and allowed the romance to progress at her pace. He is so self deluded,
he thinks he was in charge all along. He wasn't. She see's right through him.

This is why females rock! I love it.

posted on Aug, 30 2009 @ 11:05 PM
reply to post by Confused and Dazed!

I'm afraid times have changed since you dated last. The female is not the only one that does the selecting now days. I would say from obersevation that its a 50/50 thing out there. Women now days see some one that they want and they go after them. One thing I have noticed though is a man is a lot easier to get to leave a woman alone then women are to leave a man alone when the other has no interest.

One thing about a man being persued by an unwanted admirer is that he tries not to make her cry. Many times this man will find himself in a relationship that isn't right for him because he's been taught not to make women cry.

Your part about women learning from other women on men and the whats in their eyes. You are right about that but the sad thing is most of these women they learn from don't have a clue about men. Especially the men of today that know June cleaver doesn't exist anymore. They are dealing with an new breed of women of that don't follow that role model.

Another thing about women learning from other women is that they really don't learn much except how to use their looks and body and tears to get what they want. They don't learn they have a brain to use for other things besides gossip, husband bashing and how their make up needs to compliment the outfit of the day. Thank God for sites like ATS so women that do use their brains can talk with other women of like mentality.

The men you talk about are not the majority of men out there. They are the ones you see on tv shows though. The ones that are like what you discribe like the women above have learned from other men what is considered right by them. This men are the ones we single women roll up our eyes about and have a good laugh over. Trust me they are easy to get rid of when they bother you. They don't want their ego to bruised up so they go once you let them know you aren't interested. Unlike their female counter part that can't seem to figure out why her bust line or great looks isn't enough for a certain type of man.

You seem to come down very hard on men. You don't seem to have anything good to say about them. I guess you must not know any decent men.

If you don't like the actions of men than don't look to hard at todays women because they are just like their counterparts. What back in my younger days we slammed men for,we have women doing the same things and are suppose to think its totally okay.

You probably think I come down hard on women. Well I don't like what I see. We have came a long way in history. Yet in doing so we have lost so much of what made women great. What made marriages great. Now we have women that want to wear the pants in the family, silly fluffy bimbos and power hungry ball breakers out there even to the men in their life. If you've ever known an older farm woman than you would see the perfect woman. She knew how to compliment her husband and he knew without her he wasn't a whole. Yet he didn't have to bring her flowers or shower her with gifts or wait on her every whim for her to know he appreciated and cared for her and she didn't have to bow to him either. It was an understanding they had.

Which probably came about from the extensive courtship. Where they actually got to know each other. Not like today and in the past few generations where you hopped into bed before you knew the other persons last name.

Do you remember that old line "Wait until your father gets home"?

As a woman that has had children let me tell you something it was a heck of a lot easier to have those kids then to raise them kids. You may consider yourself to be just a sperm donor but creating a child does not end with birth. The creation of a child is a on going process. When the child is small the father plays a very important role in how that child turns out how they look at things. So when you look at your children don't stop with just looking at the birthing process because any fool can have a child. It takes two darn good people to create a good child or in some cases one hell of a good person to create a good child.

As for men not being in touch with their feelings. You don't think women had a lot to do with that also? How many times did you hear mothers say "big boys don't cry" "oh that can't hurt that much stop your crying".

How many women today use these same lines and more on their own boys yet set and complain that men don't express their feelings? I guess we get what we put out. Little boys are programmed by BOTH parents to conceal their feelings. It seems the only feelings that are appropriate for little boys are ones like anger, and pride. It would be nice though if we did teach both little boys and girls what compassion for others is since we don't seem to do that anymore.

The only difference anymore between women and men is gender. The scales on that might be tipping as women seem to be a lot meaner than men anymore.

posted on Aug, 31 2009 @ 11:19 PM
Your right, I haven't had to date since I was 24 years old. I have definitely noticed that over 30+ years, women have become more harried, and also one of hell of a lot more aggressive. I would agree that there are many who are just outright mean and nasty. I have a much younger sister, who is working, and she talks all the time about the bitches she has to deal with. I feel sorry for her, because I know it a very competitive world, and everyone is after their piece of the cake.

I generally have issues with most men, because of the garbage and stupid crap that comes out their mouths. It doesn't matter if they are 17 or 97, far too many perpetuate the same age old stereo types and male egocentricity. They give lip service to womens equality, but, generally don't apply it to their own relationships.

I am a independent self employed artist, and am married to a woman who was College English instructor. She has her Masters in both English and Mathematics, graduating with honors in both. She is very bright, and very self assured. Sometimes she scares me, she is so spooky intelligent.

I love her intelligence, and yet she is so shy and unassuming most times, that you would never guess she had the profession she did. She would tell me about the students and how they related to one another. What stood out was just how much confusion and misunderstanding between the sexes that there was. Many of the reports her females handed in were about trying to understand their place in the world, or establishing a meaningful relationship. The guys mostly wrote about their hunting experiences with their dads, or grandfathers, or about some experience they shared with a buddy. Occasionally, it would be about how they were wronged by a girl friend. Women were more apt to write about their world as a woman making their way in it...and guys wrote about how they were conquering it, usually aggressively.

I was drafted in 1971, and didn't have an easy time of it. I was too sensitive, and because I was raised in a household full of females, I wasn't a guy who disrespected women. Some thought I was gay, because I refused to go along with the abuse of the Asian ladies. I was appalled at the child prostitution, and the men who thought nothing of taking a 14 year old girl for $7.00. They actually laughed about it, when I expressed revulsion.

I accidentally came across four Americans in an alley of a local town, gang raping a school girl. She was crying, and a bloody mess. They kept taking turns, and laughing at her. I went for help, and found an MP. When we got back to the alley, they were gone, and the girl was in a heap, laying in a garbage pile crying. They took her to a hospital. I was traumatized. Men are scum if they think they can get away with anything.

When I finally was discharged, I had more than enough of living with men, and listening to their endless bragging and bullcrap stories to last a lifetime.

My world is that of my home life with my wife, and daughter when she was home. I worked as an illustrator, and display maker for museums. I sculpt, paint and write on occasions. In my world, overly aggressive women didn't exist. Yet, I know that they are out there. I see them if I look for them. I just choose not to deal with them. Same for men. I don't have much use for them in general. I know that there are good guys out there, but, they seem far and few between. Pretty hard for a leopard to change its spots, and men live up to their reputations. That has been my experience.

( as a boy, my YMCA swimming instructor exposed himself to me. [ he drowned while showing off how long he could hold his breath ] Later, I was asked to be the 16 year old boy friend of gay 45 yr. old organist in our church.) I didn't matter I was just an innocent straight kid who liked to laugh and have fun with the girls. I was targeted early on.

So yes, I have issues with men. I am also a romantic, and am a product of my times and generation.

posted on Sep, 1 2009 @ 12:50 AM
I was always very pro active in my relationship, and especially so with our daughter. I never considered myself just as sperm donor...which is a whole other issue in of itself. I was compromised in the service because of a a failed and botched surgery,and poisoning therefore making conceiving for us difficult. We were ready to adapt, and then it happened.

I knew that my relationship with my daughter was very important to her self esteem, and how she'd perceive herself later in relationships with males. She is very close to me, and we have a wonderful father-daughter repose. Yet, I wanted her to be closer to her mother, because her mom would be her one best friend throughout life. Like I wrote, girls learn femaleness of being from their mothers, and other girls around them. Jenny was a tomboy starting in diapers... and she liked the boys and boy toys. She had girl friends, but, was one of the guys. That really worried me.

She was into water polo, tennis, swimming, court and beach volley ball, skiing, equine sports, para sailing, hiking, drove a jeep wrangler, and donned only Eddy Bauer, Eagle outfitters, Ralph Lauren Polo, etc. outdoor gear. She didn't own a dress. She also plays the piano, and flute. She is a very pretty, natural strawberry blonde, with an athletic physique. When she graduated from high school she stunned us by asking for a prom dress, and was asked by a young man whose parents owned a famous chain of womens clothing stores. She barely knew him. We couldn't believe it, and were thrilled...but played it close to the vest, lest we make to big a deal out of it.
She was always surrounded by guys. Yet, she rarely dated.
Her choice of college degree was a Masters in Geology as a Hydro Geologist. She was married at 27 after she graduated from college, to a man who has his PHD in chemical engineering. Jenny was never a girly girl, which was surprising, because her mother is. I wasn't into all the outdoor things like she where her interests arose from, we just don't know. I had a Jaguar sport car, and an antique motorcycle. That was my fun time outdoor activity.
Somehow in spite of it all, Jennifer is close her her mom. They talk to one another four or more times a day on the phone. Jenny lives in another state currently. We miss her.

Our kid practically lived out of doors. My grand daughter is more like my son in law. She likes to be outside in very limited amounts, then wants to go back in. Jenny doesn't push it.

I was raised around fairly quiet home body females, who all married before they were 25 yrs old. All of them are very feminine, and aren't pushy or aggressive. They can be assertive, but are polite about it. I was the only boy in the house other than my father. There was a total of five females. I was in the middle. SO, I can say that I was raised in an atmosphere of women of all ages. Which is why, I wasn't macho, and full of myself. My dad and I were never really close. He did his thing, and I wanted to be with the women.

My dad is a master wood worker in his old age, and only comes out of his wood shop to eat, and to sleep. He isn't very social any more. He is 85. We leave him alone. He is happy to be alone for hours on end.

I am the opposite. I like to have company, and like to visit. I guess all those years of female bonding, made me like more like them than my dad.

My one vice, is spending too much time on blogs like this one.

posted on Sep, 1 2009 @ 07:03 AM
You know what i'd like to know?

Why is it that the nice guys like me end up single?

You women are strange.... you say you want one thing and then you change your mind.... a lot of women out there stay in abusive relationships and it seems that some prefer that to a niice guy like me.... strange but true

posted on Sep, 1 2009 @ 07:17 AM
reply to post by TruthxIsxInxThexMist

First of all let me clear something up for you Mr. Nice Guys. Women in abusive relationships don't "prefer" them. Women in abusive relationships have self-esteem problems. Wether those problems stem from a pre-existing condition or develop due to an abusive relationship is particular to the individual.

Abusive relationships are not preferable to compassionate relationships for anyone. You must understand, an abuser, over time, whittles away the victim's self-esteem through psychological abuse, emotional manipulation, isolation and physical abuse. After a guy treats you like a queen you lower your guard. Then, slowly but surely the guy begins to play on your emotions and psyche with guilt. A woman is naturally a nurturer. She is hard-wired to care, make excuses for and defend the "love" in her life.

Abusive partners play on that and demean and confuse the victim. She doesn't prefer to be abused. The sooner people understand what is happening the sooner these mentally, physically, psychologically, and emotionally abused can be helped to see how they ARE being abused.

Trust me, I know from first hand experience how easy it is for people outside looking in to judge when they have no basis for understanding the internal exchange between abuser and abused. The utter confusion and self-denial that inevitably comes from the cycle of abuse, forgiveness inherent in many sick relationships. It goes both ways, sometimes its the guy who is abused. There is no difference.

Most men who abuse women start off pretending to BE Mr. Nice Guy! Try to remember that next time you feel like you are finishing last. A little understanding, compassion and a real nice guy attitude goes a very long way.

Formerly abused, now married to a real Mr. Nice Guy!

posted on Sep, 1 2009 @ 11:40 AM
reply to post by Hazelnut

Yes, i suppose you are right..... i apologise as most of the time the lady is too scared to get out of the relationship in case of further trouble but on the odd occassion i have read stories about women who like to be treated that way..... weird but true.... i even met this girl once online who wanted me to treat her badly, slap her about and stuff but i couldn't fullfill her dream coz i'm just not like that.... if it was just bondage then yeh i could have provided her with that but to beat up on a girl.... na! not me.

Glad to hear you are well and truly in the hands of a Nice Guy! Good luck!

[edit on 1-9-2009 by TruthxIsxInxThexMist]

posted on Sep, 1 2009 @ 01:31 PM
reply to post by TruthxIsxInxThexMist

With an experience like the one you described I can completely understand your confusion. Don't stop being you. That would be terrible. It is true though, nice guys and gals don't always win the prize. Way too often, the squeeky wheel gets the grease.

posted on Sep, 1 2009 @ 06:30 PM
Starred and flagged.

I would print this out for my wife, but she would just kick my ass for it.

She is one of the aforementioned atomic bombs in pretty packaging.

posted on Sep, 1 2009 @ 11:28 PM
reply to post by Confused and Dazed!

I figured your wife was intelligent. An intelligent woman wants a man that has the human traits and emotions that we were intended to have and to use. I also figured you had to be a guy that was secure in himself to deal with an intelligent woman. Many men find women with intelligence a threat to them.

Your sister is right about women she meets out there. I count my friends very few. Believe it or not I have more male friends that I would trust than I do female friends. Does this bother me? Yes it does I see where the females in this country are going what they are now and what they are teaching their daughters and I don't like it.

I home school my son. He's one of these rare kids that never lost that feeling of compassion for others. Much like yourself. A show of compassion where we live in a boy is apparently a sign of weakness. My son told me if you think the boys are mean they don't compare to the girls. I watched as my son withdrew into himself and started to become a sad child. I didn't like what I saw so I took him out of public school. He still has a social life. I drive him almost 2 hours away to where a group of home schooling parents get together with their kids every week. There he gets to be around kids that their parents raise them to care about others and how to treat others right. I see a smile on his face again. He doesn't live on his video games anymore. I've got my son back.

You saw the bad side of men and steered clear of most men because of this. My son in the age he is living in sees the bad side of both sexes. So I had to find him an outlet where he could see he isn't one a lone but one of few. Just like you sir. You were one of few in your time. But there are other men out there that are like you. Some times its just a long road we have to go to find people of like minds and values and morals.

It's not a pretty world out there. I think both sexes are very confused. It's one of those things that makes me glad I'm not in my 30's or under.

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