Rough draft of my resume

Hello my friends, below is the second draft of my resume. I'm seeking employment at any Underground Facility or Top Secret Military Base. All critiques welcome


Objective: Seeking position as a part time Telepath to read the thoughts and stored information in the brain of Alien Greys.

HIGHLIGHTS OF QUALIFICATIONS

* Highly inquisitive, superhero like telepathic abilities.
* Excellent skills in communication and collaboration.
* Skilled in all phases of knowing, I know it as soon as you know it.
* Can not be bluffed when playing Texas hold 'em.
* Excited by the challenge of working with creatures not of this Earth.

RELEVANT SKILLS and ACCOMPLISHMENTS

* Successfully developed the art of Telepathextremanism ® , able to communicate with numerous minds at the same time in a controlled environment.
* Developing, in collaboration with others, Dog Talk For Dummies ®: Even you can tap into the universal language of the domestic dog.
* Respected member of ATS

You're hired!

I'm going to need to see a copy of your shoe.

Originally posted by Better Mouse Trap

* Respected member of ATS

you should never lie on a resume

Sounds impressive but If you can't be bluffed in Texas hold 'em, why not go to Vegas, get in high-stakes poker tournaments, win millions of dollars which can then be allocated toward alien research. You'll have the added benefit of being in Nevada near Groom Lake and Area 51. It's a win-win situation!!

Jemison

PS. Please let us know what response you get after submitting your resume.

i need someone to clean my underground facility aka my basement. pay is low but these type of jobs are low pay and high excitement. o and i think something died in there as it smells like nothing of this earth.

Everyone knows that you don't get into a secret operation by applying, those who recruit simply remotely scan the general population for candidates, those lucky few will be made telepathic and then instructions are telepathically send on where to report. If you go insane or die during the process or simply can't receive the adress clearly after a session, you're not qualified for the position.