Here it is the second story.
Well, after I was betrayed from a " friend ", I was 15 going to be 16, I started to have memories, like flashbacks of a blonde beautiful boy.
If I was very focused on it, I could remember every single feature of the face and the body.
I was confused but I liked these memories. Those images in my mind, coming from who knows where, gave me some kind of security.
I thought many times about this second memory. Maybe I was some beautiful boy who had all the luckyness in life, all the girls liked him.
I was like " But c'mon, so why now I have this ugly body, ugly face right now ? I choosed to be like this ? ".
I was in a period where I didn't like my look, my body and my face.
I slowly, very slowly realized those memories and feeling were dangerous for me.
I started to tell myself " You need to look at your real, actual body and accept it ".
I was feeling some weird feelings in myself like " I am the best " " Look at me. I was near the best perfection ".
I repeated to myself " This guy isn't yourself. Yes, you actually think you are the best, but it's not because you look lke this blond ".
I was kinda concerned by these memories. They were frequently there, for a certain period. I was afraid I was loosing my own personality.
I was fascinated by every blond guy, I was a writer and in my books many characters were always blond.
I believe that this boy died on June 15 of a year ( this is a date I am instinctually afraid of!
) and maybe is a memory of someone else arrived to
me...Maybe he was an actor...I don't really know...
I said " At least this is giving me some security, I feel cool, strong and no bully will ever concern me "
Some memory appeared in my mind. This beautiful blond boy had many brothers. They were the perfect family. All of them were cool and fascinating.
I started to stop these memories. They were invading myself, I was feeling.
" Look at you, you have dark hair, you have eyeglasses, you are Matteo. You are not Dennis. This boy doesn't exists anymore. You are Matteo ".
I was starting to be very afraid, so I started to appreciate myself, to focus on writing and to focus on myself, like I was. The boy with
I was again starting to appreciate who I was, myself, my body.
A month before my 19th birthday, I met a group of guys, they were strange, but in a good way. They were weird. I am still very curious about them. I
want to talk with them.
I discovered they may be homeless. They are 16. Maybe they are hosted by friends, I don't really know. They don't have a single home.
They always change way everytime they go for a walk. They live near my house.
They appear to me incredibly familiar. Above all two of them, I gave them nicknames " Prince " and " Cool Face ".
" Prince " resembles one of the sons of Princess Diana.
I met him many times coming back home from school, he was always looking at me like he was surprised.
He is a good looking boy, but he wears like a very very poor boy, he smokes and he, with Cool Face, sells baloon for kids.
They go out only after sunset, when it's evening.
Once I met by chance " Prince " and he looked at me, in my eyes.
" This boy has some deep eyes, like he understands many things I can't ".
I was feeling like he just read me in the deep of my mind.
" Cool Face " has, lol, the voice of a duck and he is a skater and he is always with a happy grin on the face.
They knew a very few people. Sometimes, I think, they are angels. They are my guardian angels. But I am kinda skeptical. No angel could smoke, and
they are just very poor boys.
Who knows anyway?
I feel like I am crazy when I think about these things. Life is a marveillous experience. We know almost nothing about its real meaning, about those
I feel like crazy, but here on ats I read even more crazy things almost everyday! lol
[edit on 17-8-2009 by Matteo]