Would you prefer to know what's going to happen?

The mother of one of my best friends is dying tonight.

She was diagnosed with cancer last year, and despite all the effort and different methods she went under- the illness grew stronger and spread all over her body.

Tonight they are giving her "the cocktail" of death (administrated to terminally-ill patients).

Earlier today when she was hospitalized she was still conscious- and reasoning/chatting however being slowed down by tranquilizers/painkillers,etc.

The doctors decided the most "human" option in this case was to give her the cocktail and the family agreed with all the sorrow in their heart.

But what inspired this thread is - they didn't told her.
The doctors and the family thought it was the best to not tell her what she was going to be given.

The thing that keeps popping in my mind is: "she has the right to know she is going to die in a few hours". They should have told her...

However I also understand that by telling her this fact she could feel desperate and not be in peace as she was when I left the hospital a few hours ago -(because she was thinking they were going to operate her).

(And I am in no way judging this family or my friend- as I know they are wonderful and loving human beings. Of course they did the best they could in this situation).

But this very sad incident raised question which I believe- I have never given much thought into it: "Is our right to know what is going to happen to us?- when in a similar situation". "Would I prefer to know?"-

I wonder what other people think-...? In a position similar to this case, would you like to know that you are going to die in the next few hours? or would you prefer to be in complete ignorance/fantasy of what's going to happen?

I -for one, would most definitely like to know. I always prefer to hear the truth -
no matter what.

Sorry to hear about your friends mom.
I don't want to judge them either but I would want to know, I hate being blind sided.
I think I would want my people with me , and to have had the last chance to make things right in my head,heart,soul,whatever you want to call it...
Peace

Wow, that's a tough one.

But something tells me that yes, I'd want to know. Because I'd want to say my goodbyes to everyone I love and make sure all my affairs were in order so I wouldn't be leaving my family with any legal problems.

This is so different for everyone. It really comes down to the individual involved. If you prefer to know, you should make your family members aware of your decision.

reply to post by plutoxgirl


I dunno. I have mixed feelings.

but the reality is, without it, she's not gonna be dancing and having a gay old time is she?

I couldn't tell you unless I was in it, and I think it would be different for alot of people.

I realize folks are agonizing over this, but what about the torture the patient has been going thru, of slowly losing their abilities to function like a normal person and are stuck in bed getting all kinds of awful stuff put inside them that makes them feel absolutely horrible!!!!!!!?!?!

I think the treatment is worse than the cocktail!!!!!!

I am sad to read that story. I know how it feels to lose people to Cancer.

I don't want to be dramatic, so please read my words with their definition in mind...
The case that you describe is not Assisted Suicide, it's murder.

Unless she has signed a document giving her family the express instruction not to tell her when the injection will be given to release her from her discomfort and pain, it is not Assisted Suicide.

Assisted Suicide is where a person gives the responsibility of making such a decision to another when they are incapacitated, or to assist them when the time comes. It is not taking another life and not telling them it is about to come to an end.

I hope there is an agreement in place, or that this situation was simply misread, because if not, it's actually quite disturbing and supports the arguments of the fanatics against A.S.

Having seen my mother ask for an overdose as she died of Cancer, I fully support the right to die with dignity. I fully support A.S.
But I do not support the idea of killing for convenience.

I would want to know if I was about to be killed, yes. Just so I could fight them. It's not their decision to make, it is mine. And if I haven't made that decision, it is murder.

I am sorry for the loss of your friends mom, I have to say that your story absolutely disgusted me. I cannot believe, no I don't want to believe a family, my family would kill me and not tell me. If that was what I wanted then suicide is fine, however to enforce a killing without concent or knoweledge is frankly evil, and reinforces my belief in the destruction of morality within this country. Twenty years ago this never would have been an issue at all, the fact that we can now kill our loved ones when we decide they should go, it's unthinkable and frankly terrifying as hell. Obviously I think you should know your family wants to put you down like a dog, and then they better hope I'm too sick to stand, because if I'm not all hell's gonna break loose.

reply to post by plutoxgirl


Sorry to hear about your friends mother. Cancer is a tyrant!

I believe that the dying person should be told or at least given the option of the 'cocktail'. Who has a greater right to know than the person who has provenance of the body?

Perhaps the thought of dying can cause the person more stress in their final hours? In any case, I think circumstances would be different for every person. So would embrace it and others would prefer to die naturally no matter how painful.

Good to see you on the forum again plutoxgirl

IRM

...would i want to know?... my kids know that i dont want to suffer or be in a vegetative state - so, whatever decision they make (as to whether or not i know i'm about to die) is fine with me... besides, unless i was blind or in a coma, they wouldnt have to say a word since the truth would be all over their faces...

...people die suddenly every day and dont get a chance to say last good-byes or whatever... my SO dropped dead 13 years ago and, although it was a horrid shock, i've come to look at that as a preferable way to go... no awareness, no grief, no struggle - here one second and gone the next...

...re: the ugly posters - its not murder and shame on you for pushing your politics on such a sensitive matter that you do not have the facts on and, therefore, could not possibly know the legalities of... tsk, tsk, tsk...

ahh dammit, thats sad...

the worst thing is, im my care i would have destroyed her cancer within 3 months she would have been A ok.


cancer is nothing more than a fungus occupying a really poor immune system...

peace


edit, i cant spell, it almost home time and im too excited

[edit on 14-8-2009 by Silverse]

star and flag RIGHT OFF THE TOP!
i love this post, it makes you REALLY THINK...and nothing crazy outside of this univerese etc. like most, its something that defines WHO U ARE, and what YOU BELIEVE and perceive right and wrong..

really hard one brotha. Damn im thinking about it, and they both seem to have equal pro's and con's u know =/

Hello everyone-

Thanks for sharing your thoughts; but I'm sorry that some posters misunderstood my words and are being quick to judge.

This young mother (47 years old) who passed away, had a great life and the most loving family ever.

First I want to make clear that this is in NO WAY murder. She had previously arranged 'the solution' when her body could not function anymore: The cocktail.

Therefore- when she was hospitalized the death was imminent- if not yesterday, maybe she could go on for 2 more days in terrible physical pain- since the cancer had already taken all her body, obstructed the intestines and other organs.
But not the brain-

It's a real put off to hear harsh words towards this family- as I have never put their reputation or sentiments in question.

The thread- and my question was about, whether you in a similar position would prefer to know that you are going to die- and what prompted this question in my mind was the fact that they didn't let her know the exact moment it was going to happen- in a few hours.

Having talked to my friend about it today- she confirmed to me that her mother in previous conversations expressed that: "whenever her time arrived, she didn't want to know about it and would like to die with the hope of keep on living".

So that's why they didn't tell her the other night.

Like one of the posters said- I guess whether you want to know or not- is a personal decision and all people have different ideas about death and the afterlife. Therefore when I made this thread I was wondering what other people would choose: "to know or not to know" .

I hope I made myself clear this time-

[edit on 15/8/09 by plutoxgirl]

reply to post by plutoxgirl


Casandra, cursed to know the future and be able to do nothing to change it.

Being in the know has become like this....

Picture a bunch of guys standing around a clock counting backwards with wires attached to it and the wires run into a box....
5...4....3...

"OH guys!!!!!" one of them says....
"I know what this is!" 2....1....

"Its a Bom~" >(BOOM)<

CONGRADULATIONS! You figured out what killed you......
No how does that help you in any way live a better day today?

Loki..

P.S. Love Neil Gaiman added you as a friend and PVD is awesome as well, been to 5 PVD shows. Hugs to you for a nuber day!

reply to post by plutoxgirl


I sympathize for you in your hour of sorrow. That being said, I think the woman in question has an absolute right to know this. Did the family have a Power of Attorney, allowing the family to make these kinds of decisions? Did the woman had a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order written up? There are many legal questions to be answered, if no Power of Attorney existed at the time, in my opinion, this is paramount to manslaughter.

Originally posted by plutoxgirlI -for one, would most definitely like to know. I always prefer to hear the truth - no matter what.

Yes, me too. I think it's important to know it because you should have the chance to say everything you wanted to say before you die. To be able to finish unfinished things... to say 'sorry' or 'goobye' or whatever to special persons. Not being able to say goodbye is quite sad... it is important to 'end' things properly.

Originally posted by plutoxgirl
The mother of one of my best friends is dying tonight.

She was diagnosed with cancer last year, and despite all the effort and different methods she went under- the illness grew stronger and spread all over her body.

Tonight they are giving her "the cocktail" of death (administrated to terminally-ill patients).

Earlier today when she was hospitalized she was still conscious- and reasoning/chatting however being slowed down by tranquilizers/painkillers,etc.

The doctors decided the most "human" option in this case was to give her the cocktail and the family agreed with all the sorrow in their heart.

But what inspired this thread is - they didn't told her.
The doctors and the family thought it was the best to not tell her what she was going to be given.

The thing that keeps popping in my mind is: "she has the right to know she is going to die in a few hours". They should have told her...

However I also understand that by telling her this fact she could feel desperate and not be in peace as she was when I left the hospital a few hours ago -(because she was thinking they were going to operate her).

(And I am in no way judging this family or my friend- as I know they are wonderful and loving human beings. Of course they did the best they could in this situation).

But this very sad incident raised question which I believe- I have never given much thought into it: "Is our right to know what is going to happen to us?- when in a similar situation". "Would I prefer to know?"-

I wonder what other people think-...? In a position similar to this case, would you like to know that you are going to die in the next few hours? or would you prefer to be in complete ignorance/fantasy of what's going to happen?

I -for one, would most definitely like to know. I always prefer to hear the truth -
no matter what.

my father is in the same identical situation.
we haven't told to my father that he has cancer . ,
they are situations a lot of difficulties, and every choice seems wrong.
I don't know what to do...

Originally posted by cydonia122my father is in the same identical situation.
we haven't told to my father that he has cancer . ,
they are situations a lot of difficulties, and every choice seems wrong.
I don't know what to do...

I'm sorry to hear that... having someone in the family who has cancer is always terrible.
But about telling it... I remember an episode of M.A.S.H., in which a soldier has the duty to write a letter to a mother, informing her her son had died. He tries to write this letter for days and simply cannot figure out how to say it, and finally says to his commander he doesn't know how to make it sound right. And his commander replies "There are no right words".
Sometimes you can't avoid the truth and it will always sound wrong what you say... but still you should say it.
Just my opinion.

Originally posted by Trinitrytoluol

Originally posted by cydonia122my father is in the same identical situation.
we haven't told to my father that he has cancer . ,
they are situations a lot of difficulties, and every choice seems wrong.
I don't know what to do...

I'm sorry to hear that... having someone in the family who has cancer is always terrible.
But about telling it... I remember an episode of M.A.S.H., in which a soldier has the duty to write a letter to a mother, informing her her son had died. He tries to write this letter for days and simply cannot figure out how to say it, and finally says to his commander he doesn't know how to make it sound right. And his commander replies "There are no right words".
Sometimes you can't avoid the truth and it will always sound wrong what you say... but still you should say it.
Just my opinion.

THANKS A LOT