Originally posted by berenike
You won't resolve anything well by bottling this all up and then doing something drastic that leaves her with no choice.
Well, I guess it's come to the point where a little explanation is needed. Let's see...*trying to think of a way to condense this long story into a
Like I said, she lives in another state, but goes to school out here. In May, she left to go home for the summer. She offered for me to come visit
her for two weeks, so I bought a ticket to come out in July. The long distance thing was working out well at first, she was calling me all of the
time, etc., and then about 2 weeks before I came out, the calls slowed down a lot, she wasn't texting me, etc. I asked her "is something wrong?"
she said that nothing was wrong. I got there, and things were very weird. After about a week, I'd had enough of her being extremely distant. I
planned to confront her about this. I went into her room to grab something, her journal was open on the table. (Honest to God, I did not go into her
room with the intention of seeing this thing.) I glanced at the journal, noticed my name, and also noticed she had been writing about how much she
can't wait until I leave. She had been crossing off the days, etc. She was also talking about her guy friend/ex 'hookup friend' that she still
had feelings for, and it turned out she was leaving 15 minutes early for work so she could see him. We never had a fight, I was never mean to her or
distrusting...she had all of these feelings and she never thought to tell me about them. She could have told me about this before I flew out to see
her. But no, I was there, thousands of miles away from anyone or anything I'm familiar with, stranded in a house with my girlfriend who can't wait
until I leave and her family...and I still had 10 more days before I was to leave. I packed my things, planned to find a way out of there after I
confronted her when she got home from work.
She got home, I told her everything, completely called her out and told her how horrible/unfair/immature all of this was, and that it was over and I
was leaving. She hugged onto me and didn't want to let me go. I said I was still leaving. Finally after about 8 hours of convincing and me trying
to find a ride to the nearest hotel/airport, she convinced me to stay and that she wanted to work things out. She swore up and down that nothing is
going on with this other guy, that all she was doing was driving him home and then going to work. After all, they've been friends since freshman
year of highschool and they were only 'physical' for a couple of months.
*Disclaimer: I know that was a very illogical decision for me to trust her again. I should have just dumped her right there and moved on. These
things hardly ever work out after a blow like this. Trust me, I know all of this, so please don't give me the "You're an idiot, she's totally
doing him" schpeel.*
Anyway, this all led to a very in depth discussion about her psychology. I've always known she couldn't stand her father, but she blames him for
her paranoia that everyone is trying to control her. I hold her groceries in the store for her, she says it makes her feel controlled. I send her
gifts along with a demo CD a friend and I recorded for her birthday because I couldn't be there -- it made her feel controlled. I tell her that she
shouldn't drive her car when her brakes aren't working, especially when she lives at the top of a winding hill -- she gets angry at me and feels
controlled. (I was right, by the way. The brakes were completely shot and she was insisting that I shouldn't try to control her and should just let
her drive the car. It would have been over if they had gone out while she was driving down that hill.) She actually told me that she got scared and
felt manipulated because she was calling me so much over the summer, and that's why she stopped. I wasn't telling her to call me! She was doing it
out of her own free will!
There's much more than just that, but that's a brief overview. This is what I'm dealing with. This is why I have to be secretive about my
feelings. We've been dating for almost a year now, and it's the longest relationship either of us have ever been in. If doing her favors makes her
feel like I'm trying to control her, then imagine what "I'm not comfortable with you taking this job." is going to do. The most logical course of
action is to give myself time to take it all in, see how much it bothers me, and if it's really bothering me...well, I was already considering ending
it because of all of that other stuff anyway. She'll be back in 5 days, so I guess I'll try to feel it out then.
[edit on 12-8-2009 by Herman]