How to Survive the 2010 Census

In light of current concerns and conspiracies regarding the 2010 Census in the United States, I thought it might be appropriate to give a Survival Guide on how to take the Census and live to tell the tale.

There are already mounting concerns about the violation of privacy that the 2010 Census represents. Some Say Census is Getting Too Personal is one good ATS thread which addresses this subject.

Another concern is that there are penalties that will be enacted for failure to answer these questions that violate one's privacy in the 2010 Census. The Census Questions and Penalties For Not Answering Them is another ATS thread that addresses this subject. The penalty for not completing the Census in full is $5,000.00 which is a severe enough to not take it seriously.

My answer to resolving both of these concerns are as follows:

1.) Comply with answering the entirety of the Census but do so with the following rules.

2.) Familiarize yourself with the Census questions so that you will be prepared ahead of time, knowing what will be asked and how best to answer them without surrendering your Privacy. You can find the currently proposed 2010 Census at 2010.census.gov (PDF Document).

3.) Use "Other" as often as you feel necessary. There is no penalty for using the categorization of "Other" even if you fulfill one of the other criteria.

4.) For any dollar amounts, such as Household Income, put the amount in a different currency (i.e., Euros, Yen, Rubles, or Silver Ounces). Let them figure out the Conversion to American Dollars.

5.) Provide more information to the Census Taker than can fit in a box. When asked what languages are spoken in your home, tell them "Klingon, Elven, Jawa, Goblin" etc. and watch them try to fit that into that tiny little box provided. When asked what religion you are, tell them "Neo-Platonic, Kemetic Orthodox, Kabbalistic, Hermetic, Pythagorean Theurgist with Zoroastrian and Chaldean leanings." No Census Taker is going to know what the heck you are talking about, let alone how to write that down, yet you provided the information that was asked of you.

6.) Never underestimate the power of N/A. Non-Applicable is a satisfactorily legal response to any question on any Federal form. Use it whenever you don't want to respond with private information.

7.) For any distance amounts, such as distance traveled to and from work, use a different scale of distance (i.e., kilometers instead of miles, or leagues, or Astronomical Units). Just because the Census Taker doesn't know the Metric System isn't your fault!

8.) Use a different dating system than the Gregorian Calendar. I have always used Thelemic Calendar Notation on written checks, IRS 1040 Forms, Court Documents, etc, and never once had anyone say a single word to me about it. Use Julian Dates, or the Islamic, Hebrew or Persian Calendars. There is no law that states that you have to use or be familiar with the Gregorian Calendar.

9.) Randomize your responses to ensure Statistical Privacy. Failure to complete the Census may be punishable by a Fine, but I haven't seen anything that says that you can be punished for providing knowingly false or random responses.

10.) For your phone number, provide your Skype User Name or the IP Address of your VoIP device/application. If you have Skype or VoIP, and this is a valid way to contact you, then you cannot be penalized even though it doesn't fit the 10 digit field that is provided on the form. There is no law that states Americans must have a 10-digit phone number through the TelCos.

It is your Constitutional Duty to take part in the Census. However, it is also your Constitutional Right to Privacy and Free Speech. It is possible to have the best of both worlds with a little creativity.

Don't forget to reply to religion as "Jedi" or "Jedi Knight" . Here in New Zealand we have 53,000 Jedi's on the census.

England and Wales - 390,000
New Zealand - 53,000
Australia - 70,000
Canada - 20,000

You never know in a thousand yrs it may be the true and only religion....

[edit on 9-8-2009 by greenfruit]

reply to post by fraterormus


Thank you for this information. I have been dreading the census for the last three years and knowing that with tensions building and the economy collapsing, it may be the last census I ever take before being categorized as "dispensable", and maybe answering vaguely will prevent the computer from doing so.

It will be funny, none the less. But do they have to record the answers I give them, or can they argue and tell me a "real response" is required?

Just a warning. . . . last census, I put under race, other, then filled in human.

They still threatened me with a fine.

One thing I did last time was to identify myself as "Asian American". The census taker wasn't too happy with that, but I insisted. Of course, I don't *look* Asian, but does that mean my ancestry doesn't go back to Asia? Who's to say I'm not Asian American?

BTW, nowhere do I find that you actually have to open the door to these guys. I refused, so he had to shout through the door, and I shouted back. He wasn't very happy about that, either.

Another ploy you can use is to play dumb, ask them to repeat or explain each question. Income? Tell them your hourly rate. When they say they need the "annual" rate, ask them what that word means. Take your time, make sure you understand exactly what each question means, then double check that you got it right by asking again, just to be sure. You want to answer all these questions right, so you should make sure you fully understand them.

You can also explain the answer in painful detail. How much I earn? Well, my boss says I'm not earning my keep, so I couldn't really say if I earn it. But he's kind of mean and picks on me, so maybe I do earn it. See, him and me had a big run-in when I first started. He almost fired me because I was checking out his girlfriend. I mean, how the heck was I supposed to know it was his girlfriend? She was a fox, by the way, long blonde hair and a great figure. A real heartbreaker. But kind of stuck up, if you know what I mean. Plus the boss didn't like me looking at her. But... uh, what was that question again?

Make sure you're completely cooperative and friendly, like you're *trying* to help out, but all those questions just confuse your mind, because when you were a kid you fell off the swing and hit your head, and then school got all hard all of a sudden and you got mixed up a lot, but you're not dumb, it's just that you can't keep things straight in your mind and ... what was that question again?

At some point the guy's probably just going to walk away and make something up, and check the box that says, "Couldn't find bottom with both hands and flashlight". The good part about this is that if you're asked about some inaccuracies, you can claim that you didn't understand the question, that the guy was talking too fast or used big words.

If you've got to fill the form out yourself, then you can be creative, adding sheets of paper for questions like religion (for example, write out an essay about your beliefs, without actually naming the "religion"). Make sure to use the form as a plate for eating pizza (or chili). Write illegibly and explain that you've injured your hand and have trouble forming the letters correctly.

But by all means, keep it friendly and appear to be trying your best to cooperate, to "do your duty".

We should come up with a "script" for all people to use that we prepare before the actual Census is taken.

On a side note.
I have always filled out questioners with false info. If everything is tracked in all these great databases the Gov. uses then I fill it with random values as much as possible. No doubt it raises the flags but it wont raise the wrong kinds of flags.

These r great ideas....thanks 4 sharing....I'm almost looking 4ward 2 it in spring...lol

I've never answered a census in my life and have no plans on answering one now. I don't remember being a signer of the CONstitution and I don't believe there is any way that it applies to me. I'm free and will continue to live in freedom until they come to take me away or kill me.

I sure am glad my official and permanent residence is a hotel!

What you people seem to have to be troubled with...

"I live in hotels and tear out the walls"
"I have accountants pay for it all"
"Lifes been good to me so far"