We are voting about whether it is OK to smack your kids

Originally posted by mysticalzoe

Originally posted by spellbound
reply to post by lardo5150

 

Why not try talking and reasoning?

If kids had a bit more interaction with parents, they could probably be quite reasonable.

The problem is that parents cut themselves off from their kids, and then become the big bosses, along with teachers - the Enemy!

I agree with you, we talk to our kids daily, i like to know how they are doing, what they want to do and I appreciate their opinions. I've only spanked my son once, for breaking a glass on purpose, he was 2. After that we didn't have many incidents with him, we've had to take things away from him, which is how I currently discipline. Same with my two girls, they are aged 6 and 8 and I feel even if I were to spank they are too old. The taking away of video games, the computer, toys and friends has worked wonders. I know many parents who discipline this way along with being sent to their room, and they rarely have any outbursts.

I would suggest either people look into 1*2*3 Magic or positive parenting. I was also spanked with a belt, but then again I was also pushed down the stairs, kicked, hit, and a few times my Dad grabbed me and threw me quit a few times. He had anger issues. I do not do any of those things to my children. My 6 year old has never been spanked in her life, but she has had many time outs and sent to her room. It's something to think about.

Do I think the Government should pass anti-spanking laws, oh hell no!! I do not want them controlling my lives or anyone else's. Just because I don't spank doesn't mean there should be a law against it. Well that is jut my 2 cents.

Spell and others who are not into spanking....

How do you reason with a 3yr old? Or how about the 9 year old the poster was talking about she saw in the store smacking the grandmother because she would not buy a pair of pants?

This is an honest question (and trust me, not an attack, I am actually interested), how do you reason with someone who does not understand reasoning?

Someone mentioned above that you should start out with the minimum amount of punishment until you find what works. It goes with what I have been saying, your form of punishment depends on the you AND your child, how you both react to it. Reasoning may work for this person, but it may not be working for this parent and their child.

From my posts you will see I believe in spanking and a smack. I will be in NO WAY (Ayla gets here in November ) an abuser. I know the line.

You cant spank when they are to young.
You cant spank when they are to old (take away their social life like grounding at that point)
The ONLY time I would smack the mouth would be if the kid was doing something like that 9yr old did to her grandmother in that store. Even then, it would be light, NOT closed fist, but enough to sting and let them know I am the parent.
Someone mentioned they thought the soap in the mouth was child abuse, as well as the hot sauce thing, I disagree. If my kid has a potty mouth, they will get the soap. I said the F word ONCE when I was like 7. I got the soap. I NEVER cussed in front of family again (only around my friends, LOL)
Of course you dont use the corporal punishment for every single thing. Mix it up, throw in the timeouts, etc., see what works.
You cant spank an 14yr old. My father learned that. It think it may have been before that, but I remember the last time my dad spanked me, I just looked at him like "what are you doing?". He then realized at that point I was to old, so he changed his tactics. I then got the social life taken away, like be grounded, no phone, NO CAR!!.....that punishment was by far worse than any spanking, smacking, or soap I received as a kid.

My mother and father ALWAYS sat me down after and explained to me what I did wrong. They would always tell me they loved me, I always received positive reinforcement from them after ANY type of punishement I got. I wll do the same with Ayla.

Listen, if reasoning works, thats what I will use. But like the poster a few back said, if that does not work, I will try something else and keep working from there until I can find something that works.

But I would really like to know how do you reason with a 3yr old or a child that is totally out of control like that girl and her grandmother. What do you do in that situation?

I'll go a bit further on this whole PC crowd and how things have been screwed up.


In times past If a kid threw a rock thru a window(as an example) and the neighbor or friends parent found out they would give them a clip around the ear, or threaten to tell parents and leave it at that....and or march you home to tell your mother/father what you were caught doing...
The parent would be ashamed and totally pissed with their child and thank the other responsible adult.

Now a days if a kid would do the same thing either no one would do anything or call the police. and if they did grab them by the scruff of the shirt and march them back home they would prob be abused and or prosecuted or sued for harming a child.

I just wish we could grab bits of the past and re-introduce some(not everything) old fashion values and sense of community back into our present times.
prob the only cure is to decentralize the population and spread out into smaller communities away from the cites...The more we cram in the less we interact as a community.


LOL rant over, gee I sound like some old bugger, but I'm only gen x

Personally I think that people who coddle their children and do not teach their children what consequences would be in the real world, should not procreate. Period. Abusive people should not ever have children. Period. No willy nilly's or psychopaths should ever be able to procreate. Should government start mandating who can breed? Well it's the same thing as telling a resposnsible, loving parent not to smack their child on the tush when they have hurt someone/something else. This is why I pity this generation of children, cause the mamby pamby parents let them rule over them. I know children like this, thank Goddess my children were given correct discipline, they are going to be successful in life, unlike these pandered to, spoiled little trash the rest of the world would like to see bought up in today's society.

Some of these people Are the kind of people I cringe when they enter where I may work at the time, their children are screaming for something, running around knocking items off shelves, and just being generally disruly, their the ones when they come to the check out line their kids are touching the credit card pad buttons, trying to play with the register, messing with the bags, etc. And when you tell the child "Please don't do that in my line!" the idiot parents just glare at you, and then you want to smack the idiot parent!

i agree, imo any hitting is abuse.

it doesn't teach you right from wrong - it teaches you to fear and hate authority.

I was born in the 1950's...needless to say I was spanked and smacked(as were my siblings). All turned out well. Further, I am a single father who has raised and buried on of his 2 sons........neither were beaten on and were and are great people. BUT: viewing perhaps 80 percent of the youth today........I'd have to say they never recieved disipline of any type. OBVIOUSLY there is a reason we didn't have "drivebyes" in my era................every kid over 10 is a gangbanger!!!!!!!!!

[edit on 8/6/2009 by enigmalone]

reply to post by heyo


I agree....

While I do not condone child abuse ESPECIALLY not emotional or spiritual abuse, or even physical ABUSE...

A smack on the bottom in dire straights when the child could put themselves in danger is neccessary in some situations.

Not on a regular basis as some lazy form of parenting, use all other methods first, but sometimes they need to know that behaviors have consequences.....if they don't yet understand consequences, then a sting on the butt will help them understand between good and bad consequences, it is not gonna kill them or scar them for life, and if they know they are loved 24/7, it won't hurt their self esteem even.

I personally use, praise, praise, praise, but have had to hand out a smack on the but about once every 6 months or so.....mabey even less, but it was good for him, and he was much better after.

We both cried and hugged and understood after that sometimes children need to listen to parents for protection.

If your child thinks it is ok to run out in the middle of the road as some game, then I would rather them feel a little sting for a second on their butt to give them the message, then them get smacked by a car and end up in the hospital or worse..

[edit on 6-8-2009 by mellisamouse]

In my book a lot of youth these days are in bad need of a can of WHOOP ASS!

We're allowing a pathetic bunch of interfering socialist do gooders, destroy the family dynamic, and what's worked well enough for many previous generations.

Making us fearful of children and neighbors reporting us to the authorities!

Father jailed for flicking his disobedient kids ear...whatever next?

The whole deal is designed to WEAKEN the family unit, just like the battle raging to bring down the role of the church in the family/society.

WAKE UP or sit back and join the socialist state by default.

I have always thought that like many other animals smacking is not about inflicting pain but about shocking the child.Trying to run across a road...smack! the child gets a shock and thinks better not do that again.Same goes for a bear with her cub getting too close to a cliff etc I remember when my mum smacked my little sister for taking a hissy fit in a shop,some random woman came up and started trying to lecture her about it! that woman deserved a proper slap.. point is,people are year in year getting worse and thinking they have some god given right to know and dictate about everything everyone else does.Slippery slope...

A little "smack" on the behind shouldn't be considered "abuse" BUT I don't think it's necessary either. I don't even smack my dog! My dog knows right from wrong without being hit so I'm sure a human being would know as well. Hitting is never an option. In my opinion, parents hit because either they are frustrated or they know of no other way to reprimand a child. If you don't want children to hit each other, DON'T teach them how to do it!

Why is this on ATS????

Originally posted by grs9769
A little "smack" on the behind shouldn't be considered "abuse" BUT I don't think it's necessary either. I don't even smack my dog! My dog knows right from wrong without being hit so I'm sure a human being would know as well. Hitting is never an option. In my opinion, parents hit because either they are frustrated or they know of no other way to reprimand a child. If you don't want children to hit each other, DON'T teach them how to do it!

Why is this on ATS????

HA!, I was wondering the same thing just now even though I have contributed to this thread.
I think the basis of the thread was that the government was going to dictate how you disciplined your kid. The discussion then kind of went in the directoin of what is right or wrong with disciplining your kid.

I do have to take issue with your post though, you cant compare pets and children.
I am an avid dog lover (boxers), and although they are child like, they are a pack animal, and an animal period. Animals respond way different than humans to different types of stimula.

I believe it's completely fine to spank a child or slap a hand when necessary. Just use common sense (lacking in a lot of people) and do not use it as a first resort.

For small children (

reply to post by EyesWideShut


exactly! If you don't love your kid enough to properly discepline them, then their bahvior could be fatal later on in life too!

Okay, so you didn't smack little mouthy Suzie on the butt when she talked back eh???/ Well you can be sure someone is going to smack he or WORSE later on in life when she pushes the wrong person to far.......if you really love her you will teach her to respect others....if you don't, then someone else could do it in a much harsher way once she leaves the nest...

Also as another poster was saying...if these kids grow up so disrespectful, ours and their entire future is at stake.....no one will hire them, they will be unproductive, have no respect for themselves or others!

I think playing the role of "good cop" when rasing your children is abusive beyond the child...it is abusive to the future of anyone else that has to deal with them later on in life.

The children are our fututure, and the future is looking grim if this society can't go back to old school rules FAST to get some good old fashioned morals and integrity back in this world.

I believe that a certain amount of physical discipline is sometimes needed. Growing up, I have had my rear tanned quite a number of times, although, I was never bruised, battered, or had to go to the hospital because of it. It can teach a lesson that, if you do something wrong, there are going to be consequences.

That's not to say that if little Billy spills some milk he's getting the belt, now that's severe overkill!! I'm saying that if he/she likes to bully people, hit/torture animals, we should let them know that what they do can hurt other people or other living beings.

But the key here is moderation! I you feel that your child deserves a spanking, fine. Maybe a couple of moderate, open hand smacks on their butt, nothing more

No slaps across the face or the use of foreign objects (like my generation may be the last to experience as an alright form of physical discipline)

A good example of what I mean: about ten years ago, my godson got into the hitting phase BIG TIME! If there was a living thing within arms reach, he would punch it. But one day, he decided to hit my father as he was coming out of his room. He just punched him right in the side of the knee. My father looked down and lightly smacked him in the back of the head. Nothing to hurt, damage, or send him across the room. He just got the message through to him that hitting people, animals, etc, is not okay.

And while some would say that's abuse... He hasn't hit a single person (school yard fights excluded) since.

reply to post by enigmalone

.....I'd have to say they never recieved disipline of any type. OBVIOUSLY there is a reason we didn't have "drivebyes" in my era....

I too was born in the fifties. We never locked the door and never had problems with stealing or anything else. Now I live on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. We have had three neighbors busted for drug dealing, another neighbor shot up someone's house, andmy next door neighbor was murdered. I and my neighbor's have had several thousand dollars worth of stuff stolen including a horse, sheep and goats, car, backhoe and even a semi truck and trailer!

Please bring back the fifties when kids were spanked by parents AND teachers.

reply to post by spellbound


No is is not ok to smack your kids! Unless they use foul language but that is what soap is for!

Why do you think god gave children butts? Padding for spanking! What does a momma bear do when a cub gets out of line?

Wham! and the cub goes flying! Use nature as an example. If the little buggers know that you are going to follow nature, remind them that pigs eat their young.

Nuff Said!

Namaste!

For those saying smacking your kid is NEVER right, NEVER solves anything, etc...I ask you...what do YOU, as parents do in THIS situation? I know what I would do, and what WOULD of happened to me had this been me and my mom back in the day...

reply to post by lardo5150


Parent's do not own the child. Let punishment come naturally.

In nature, a lioness will not punish her cubs for wandering off. The punishment is brought on to them by other animals, which scares the cub from wandering off.

Rule 1. If the child, can defend him/herself against the parents physically and mentally then they are prepared to take on the real world in School.

Rule 2. That being said, the child shall not be punished by its parents but rather by other children in schools. If the child IS a cocky dickhead all around, then they will obviously get into fights at school. If you can't defend yourself both socially, mentally and physically then you need not be cocky.

Humans should not be differentiated from any other animal. Childs need to learn on their own, they need to be independant. Only slight guides from parenting should be available, but like every other animal out there. Once you are able to walk on two legs, no more mummy and daddy kissing ass.