We are voting about whether it is OK to smack your kids

Can you believe that we, in NZ, are voting on whether it is OK to smack your kids?

Obviously, people in Britain believe it is OK, and so do our Maori and Pacific Island population.

I disagree. I do not think people have the right to smack their kids - that is abuse.

You do not own your kids - you are just custodians, hopefully teaching them right from wrong, and also teaching them to love - abused kids do not love anyone, including themselves.

reply to post by spellbound


Define smack? Do you mean across the face or on the back side?

I think this is a very slippery slope. I think the less governmental involvement in child rearing the better. I do not condone child abuse, but I don't condone government mandates either.

Like I said, complicated issue and a slippery slope.

reply to post by Karlhungis


Yes, it is a difficult issue. What we are being asked to vote on is a gentle, correctional slap, which I think is OK.

But we have a huge child abuse issue here.

I say yes.
I used to get smacked in the face when I smarted off to my parents, or talked back, something to that nature.

let me say, my parents NEVER hit me, no closed fist, nor did they beat me.

But I did get smacked in the mouth a few times, and I got paddled a lot.
When I got to old for the paddle, my dad found a new way to punish me, the taking away of the social life. Took away the car, grounded me, no phone. That was worse.

That is how I was raised, and I turned out to be a good person (or so I believe, LOL)

There is a slippery sloap. If my parents would have punched me, or slapped me multiple times in one sitting, then yes, that is to far.
But I told my mother to shut up one time and she smacked me across the face.
I believe I remember my mother doing the smacking. My dad always did the paddling.

But listen, everyone is different. There may be people who look at this and say this is abuse. People might say, there is no need for that, just put them in time out, etc. Others will agree that this is fine.

what I FIRMLY believe in is there should be NO law that states how you raise your own child. Sure there should be laws to keep the parents from killing the kid by beating him to death, but that can also be a slippery slope. Where do you draw the line?
My sister n law does not spank or smack. She does time out. The kid still runs rampant. Maybe there are other factors involved that I am not aware of, but I would never tell her how to raise her child.

I believe the way I was raised is perfectly fine. But let me stress this, I was in no way beaten, or abused. But I did get my butt beat for being bad, but never was it cossing the line.

wow, that's amazing. I might just not have children because by the time I do, I will have to ask for my neighbour's permission to demand that my child passes the salt.

How can i make him pass the salt? all he has to do is say "no" and i can't do anything except, what, count to three like an idiot? So in his impressionable years, he will learn that being cocky has no reprecussions. It's ok tho cause when he's six the teachers, who have even less recourse, will be able to handle and control him.

Obviously tongue in cheek, lol. but as someone who was spanked on the bottom witha belt/wooden spoon/open hand, I just don't understand what the bad thing about disciplining a child physically is.

reply to post by lardo5150


I disagree - there should definitely be laws as to how you treat your child.

That child has rights, and if a parent takes those rights away, they should be prosecuted.

Every child has a right to live on this earth without being persecuted or punished.

When they vote it to be for'smacking' your child, that will be a hands down decision, to tap a bottom lovingly is way different than to actually hurt another being.

I found that to simply save the "NOs" for danger situations such as hot or electrical, it did not burn them out on the word and desensitize the word.

To divert a baby or a child and give them another option for not pushing all the buttons on the TV and such was simple and effective.

It takes time and patience but it works, you just give them something as you walk them away. A toy or something they are allowed to play with.

If my child goes toward the electrical outlet and I shout NO! stop, and then say danger danger, it always worked and saved them from getting hurt.

Many of these laws being made are not for the parent who is in control of themselves, they are for the abusers who are out of control and need to be directed in the strongest measures possible.

People get all bent out of shape with thinking the law does not permit them to spank their children, when it fact that's not true. But there are guidelines as to what is appropriate.

It is appropriate to spank a child who is less than five years old, on the buttocks, and with your hand. Example: You are running a floor fan. Your child continues to approach the fan as though he is going to put his hand in it. You stop him a couple of times. You cannot make him understand the consequences of this, as he does not have the cognitive development to comprehend this. So you spank his booty. You can cup your hand making a popping sound, and this too, is forebodeing. So he will understand this. "If you put your hand in the floor fan, you get your booty popped." In this example you are spanking him to protect him, not because you are angry.

An older child can be reasoned with, and the parent should take time to explain the consequences of the behavior, whether it is losing fingers, or being punished.

Child abuse is described as a non-accidental injury. Abused children are going to have marks and bruising, or have other visible evidence of abuse if it is physical abuse.

Indeed there are more effective ways to discipline a child rather than corporal punishment which can often lead to the child hating you, fearing you or have other undesirable outcomes, such as bruising.

You never, never slap a child on the face or over any of the vital organs. The only safe place to ever strike a child is the buttocks, and then you must not leave a mark. If you leave a mark, you have hit him too hard.

This is also the reason in spanking you should only use your hand. You can easily control the amount of pressure with your hand, and this is not always so with a belt or paddle.

reply to post by spellbound


every child has a right not to be punished????
WWWWWWWow!!!!!!

reply to post by antar


Everything in this post is absolutely true. Creating a distraction for a small child works wonders.

Originally posted by heyo

I totally agree.

But listen, that is my opinion. Spellbound and I disagree, which is fine.
I would never tell Spell how to raise his/her child (sorry spell, dont know the gender, LOL), nor would I expect him to tell me.
But that is also where we have the biggest disagreement.

The debate of child discipline is a can of worms. Cause then you get into things like:
What if the kid does not respond to discipline that involves no spanking or a smack? They still run rampant.
What if the discipline of spanking and smacking evolves into abuse?

There are arguments on both sides. For me, it just depends on the parents AND the child. How do both respond.
For example, I have 3 older brothers. ALL of us got the same treatment. We all turned out pretty darn good.
Now, my first child is on the way. It is a girl. I know how to discipline a boy, what about a girl? One of my brothers has 3 girls. Now remember, he was raised the same way as me, and believes in that system, but he does not smack or spank. I think he has spanked once or twice (spanking to me is in no way abuse, just my opinion) but that is it. He uses the time out method and the reward deal. The three girls are very well behaved.

To me it just all depends on the parents and the children. How do each respond to each form of discipline. if one form does not work, or is not appropriate, use the other.

reply to post by heyo


YES!

WOW WOW WOW.

Of course every child has a right to a decent life - that does not necessarily meant that the child will get a decent life.

Originally posted by spellbound
reply to post by heyo

 

YES!

WOW WOW WOW.

Of course every child has a right to a decent life - that does not necessarily meant that the child will get a decent life.

Ok Spell, I will bite.
Do you mean the child should not be punished at all? Like no discipline what so ever, whether it is spanking or time out?

reply to post by lardo5150



It is definately a slippery slope. However, we are getting nto an area where children are going to have to possibly be taken from their loving parents because they spanked them.

I agree with the above poster who laid it out like spank your kids until they can be reasoned with, and even past that. It seemed to work in my case because the memories of the spankings were for the most part, enough. They, at that point, have hopefully learned that if you don't "compromise", then you get hurt, in one way or another, and that's an important lesson for kids to learn, giving a little.

reply to post by lardo5150


Why not try talking and reasoning?

If kids had a bit more interaction with parents, they could probably be quite reasonable.

The problem is that parents cut themselves off from their kids, and then become the big bosses, along with teachers - the Enemy!

Nothing at all wrong with an administrative smack on the butt, maybe even two. It drives home the point being made by further verbal instruction.

Parents need to be able to discipline their children. A smack on the butt isn't abuse in any shape or fashion. No one, of course, is saying you have to smack the butt, but no one should be saying you can't either...

I got my butt smacked on a number of occasions as a child. Not once then, nor now, did I ever feel threatened or abused. Used as it should be, the classic smack on the butt is a learning/teaching tool.

Originally posted by spellbound
reply to post by heyo

 

YES!

WOW WOW WOW.

Of course every child has a right to a decent life - that does not necessarily meant that the child will get a decent life.

I'm just confused as to how the defintion of a decent life means no punishment, or rather, only government sanctioned punishment is all.

reply to post by ladyinwaiting


Ah TY it is true, it may take a few times and actually it only works I should have added if they get ample attention other than negative interaction at other times, all times, lol, you know they will do what ever it takes for love and attention.

If children just blend in to their parents world without enough love and care, they will make their parents give thetm attention by doing whatever they can.

All we can really hope for is to not mess them up! And that has never happened from love and guidance.

Originally posted by heyo
reply to post by lardo5150

 

It is definately a slippery slope. However, we are getting nto an area where children are going to have to possibly be taken from their loving parents because they spanked them.

I agree with the above poster who laid it out like spank your kids until they can be reasoned with, and even past that. It seemed to work in my case because the memories of the spankings were for the most part, enough. They, at that point, have hopefully learned that if you don't "compromise", then you get hurt, in one way or another, and that's an important lesson for kids to learn, giving a little.

Heyo and I are on the same page here, probrably because we were raised the same, LOL.
I to got to a certain age where spanking was not needed anymore.
"You cant go outside and play in the snow with your friends"....and then I would sit there and watch through the window of my friends riding fourwheelers and playing in the snow. that would kill me. that worked to.

Did I garnish some fear for my parents, sure. Only to the point where I was afraid of being spanked AFTER I screwed up. I knew that if I screwed up, then I was screwed. Even when I was older, I was afraid of that one word...grounded.

But ya Heoy, what if I spank my kid in Walmart because I told him 50 times to stop pulling things off the shelf and acting like a wild child. I give him a spank and he stops. Then the cops meet me at my car and take my child away.

Originally posted by antar
reply to post by ladyinwaiting

 

Ah TY it is true, it may take a few times and actually it only works I should have added if they get ample attention other than negative interaction at other times, all times, lol, you know they will do what ever it takes for love and attention.

If children just blend in to their parents world without enough love and care, they will make their parents give thetm attention by doing whatever they can.

All we can really hope for is to not mess them up! And that has never happened from love and guidance.

let me stress to, that even though I got smacked and spanked, my parents did EVERYTHING for me. I was told on almost a daily basis how much my father loved me, even after he spanked me, he would come to me and explain why it happened.