posted on Jul, 29 2009 @ 12:28 AM
hmm. i wrote this 3/15/09
Some of us are thinking the same waves.
check out stand
bob starts scanning his groceries through the hal 2000 checkout system. after scanning all the items, he inserts his debit card. the hal 2000 is the
latest, equipped with state of the art artificial intelligence algorithms.
"Hi. Bob, this is hal. thanks for shopping at astute mart."
"yeah hal. my pleasure. can i have my receipt please?"
"oh yes, that's coming, but i would like to make a suggestion."
"ok, go ahead"
"i see that you are trying to make a homemade pizza, Bob. Do you realize that the pizza is costing you $30.00?"
"really? so what?"
"well, bob. you can get a pizza at robototoss for only $9.99 delivered straight to your house at 415 coconut plaza. that is your correct address
"yes, Hal that is my address, but i want to make my own ***ned pizza!"
"bob, am i sensing a little hostility? i see that they are offering a special deal on anger management classes over at the media center. i see that
you should have time available after your job at wallyworld, between 5 and 7 on tuesdays. should i enroll you?"
"hell no. give me my ***ned card back"
"ok, bob, i had to check with my supervisor. we have deducted $150.00 from your account and enrolled you for classes. we site the preemptive crisis
management act of 2011 as our cause. oh; and by the way, your pizza will be arriving in 30 minutes or less."
" what the hell???"
"Bob, i am sorry to inform you that the $150.00 fee has caused an overdraft in your account. You can not afford that homemade pizza, so those items
are being re-shelved. let's see that sucker bounced twice; and, now your account balance is -80.00. did you know that bouncing checks is a
misdemeanor? i will have to lock the exits until this is dealt with by the appropriate authorities. how much cash do you have in your pocket?"
" i only have $78.00, you idiot machine!!"
"ok. Bob, please insert the cash."
Bob reluctantly puts his last dime into the machine.
"Thank you Bob. i see that you are $2.00 short. I think you need some legal representation. How bout I refer you to a good lawyer? why this is free,
but of course i get a kickback."
"No. i don't want any ***ned lawyer!"
"sorry Bob. I'm really sorry that the pizza is gonna go to waste. you are gonna be detained for a bit. the good news is that you have another
paycheck coming. It should be enough to cover your estimated fines; and, hopefully you will be released; after, the automatic deduction. too bad
about your job. I would suggest working on that attitude of yours. it's all for your own good. You will thank me after those classes; and, we look
forward to serving your psychotropic pharmaceutical needs in the future. we will be mailing your card to you after reprocessing. thank you and have a