posted on Jul, 27 2009 @ 07:36 PM
I forget why I wrote this, but it was from hearing some people talking nearby where I was seated. I guess it made me think of ATS, so I thought I'd
A skit about two men(A farmer and a scientist) who are arguing over a piece of fruit.
Doc - A scientist
Bob - A farmer
Cindy - A young girl
Setting: (An empty room with a stool, a grapefruit is sitting on the stool)
Doc: (walks in from stage left, and spots the grapefruit, walks over to it, then rubs his chin with his hand).
Doc: (to no one in particular)What have we here?
Doc: (takes out a measuring device, and takes measurements of the grapefruit, sniffs it, rubs his finger lightly to it's surface)
Bob: (walks in stage right, as doc is measuring the orange, and looks at the scene with a smirk)
Doc: (to no one in particular)Why, it's an orange, and a fine speciman at that!
Scene: (Doc and Bob from this point on are talking to each other, unless otherwise specified)
Bob: That's no orange, friend, I've been growing apples for years in my orchard,that's an apple.
Doc: Well, that's all fine and good, but I'm a doctorate in botany, with a specialization in citrus fruits, and I can tell you right now, that is
obviously an orange.
Bob: You college types think you know a lot, but you've obviously read too many books that also don't know what they're talking about either. That
is an apple, sure as I'm standing here.
Doc: (looks confused while bob is explaining the finer points of textbooks but quickly regains superior attitude)
Doc: Then how do you explain it's yellowish color?
Bob: Haven't you heard of golden delicious apples?
Doc: But it has no stem, apples have stems
Bob: Stems get plucked off before they leave the orchard smart guy.
Doc: Smell it then, it smells of citrus, it's obviously an orange.
Bob: I'm not going to "smell" it, who knows where it's been.
Doc: Ahh, you won't smell it because you know I'm right, it's an orange.
Bob: (walks over and standing up straight, gets in the area of the orange and sniffs the air, chin up)
Bob: (stating the obvious)Smells like apples to me.
Doc: Of course it does, now that you're closer you smell like apples too, because you've been around them all day.
Bob: (As he walks back to his spot)Well that may be, but I know my apples, and that's an apple.(turns and points at the grapefruit as he calls it an
Doc: (exasperated) Then touch it.
Bob: (mockingly feeling insulted) Touch what?
Doc: The orange you dolt!
Bob: (acting confused) What orange?
Doc: (scratches his forehead) Ok, you say that is an apple, correct?
Bob: (points at the grapefruit) That... is an apple.
Doc: Do you like eating apples?
Bob: Of course, who doesn't?
Doc: Then taste it, and see if it tastes like an apple
Bob: First off, like I said before, I don't know where that apple has been, second, I just ate a large meal, so I'm not very hungry(rubs belly), and
Third... (scratches top of head) why don't you taste it and that way we can solve this argument once and for all?
Doc: (as if explaining to a child)I'm sorry, but as a scientist studying it I can't interfere too much in the process. If I were to taste it, I
would immediately have a biased opinion, and therefore the truth would not be found out about this orange here.
Bob: You mean apple?
Doc: It's an orange, are you calling it an apple just to get on my nerves? It's obviously an orange.
Bob: Why would I do such a thing? I'm just calling an apple an apple
Doc: You're an ignoramous. (turns back on bob and folds arms over chest)
Bob: You don't know what you're talking about (turns back on doc and folds arms over chest)
Scene: (after a few moments, a girl of about seven years old skips on stage, past bob, almost passes the grapefruit, but stops and looks at it
Cindy: oooo, an orange, can I have it? (she looks back and forth between the two men standing there)
Doc: (turns around, finger in the air, superior attitude back) See!? I told you!! It's an orange!
Bob: (turns around, patronizing grin on his face, open palm up gesturing at the girl) She's too young to know the difference.
Doc: Now I know you're full of it, you're just arguing for the sake of arguing!
Cindy: (shrugs, takes the grapefruit, begins to peel it, a look of mischievous glee on her face, and expectation of a sweet treat)
Bob: All that reading has made you paranoid, friend
Cindy: (Takes a bite of the grapefruit as Bob calls doc paranoid, grimaces, and spits out the bite she took) YUCK!!
Scene: (Bob and Doc both look at cindy expectantly)
Cindy: (to no one in particular)That's the sourest, grossest orange I ever ate! (puts it back on the stool, and skips off stage left) I'm going to
get a drink of water to wash that awful taste out.
Bob: See, it isn't an orange, it's just an apple that isn't ripe yet
Doc: Oh, it's definately an orange, (pondering look on his face, as he taps his chin with index finger) (to no one in particular)maybe it's just a
Scene: (Curtains down)