OK, I just read your post, and your mental illness and that's all it is, has nothing to do really with WHO you are or anything, it's just an
illness, is real. You are brave for sharing. In and of itself that shows that there is much hope that you will make it through this and that it will
eventually burn itself out under the scope of simple awareness and truth and honesty.
There are three things I would like to suggest in all sincerity - as you may be able to overcome this thing without the use of drugs.
One - Get, read and practice "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle
Two - Download and use, as a daily meditation, or natural, threshold of awareness raising phenomenon (medication), the Binaural Beat Brainwave
Entrainment track, Bach To The Future (don't use the other one called Compassion Meditation). Use it daily - start with just the first or second song
(don't let the background "hum" bother you). Read throug the thread on it for all the information, but what it does is synchronize the left and
right hemispheres of your brain, while surfacing and INTEGRATING unconscious material. At the very least, this will begin to alter your brain
structure - greater left/right communication, between your logic and empahtic brain halves - which I firmly believe will cause these things to become
fully distinguished and integrated. You will notice dramatic improvement doing this, in about one month's time.
Three - Prayer. Pray to God of the HIGHEST or MOST HIGH God of the universe, light of life, and universal consciousness awareness (ie: God of perfect
mental health in other words) to restore you COMPLETELY to sanity. Especially pray before going to bed at night, and then first thing in the morning
to help you through the day, and don't forget to give thanks for the positive changes you'll experience as a result.
And finally - stick with it, what I am recommending here. It will work, trust me on this, please? Thanks.
You're going to be just fine, and this thing will pass away, burn itself out, that's what I'm predicting.
[edit on 27-7-2009 by OmegaPoint]