posted on Jul, 28 2009 @ 12:22 AM
I think people need to realize its not about spanking or inflicting pain, its about dominance. Its about showing them who is boss.
First and foremost, lest define BAD. I have seen parents spank their kids for spilling pop on the carpet. THAT is abuse. That is a response born from
anger. You can't blame a kid for being clumsy, they are still developing their fine motor skills. However, you have to show them consequence. You
made the mess, now you have to clean it up.
Here is BAD. Once when I was young I was with my mom at K-mart looking at the toy section. She said we had to go. I said I wanted to stay. When she
said no, I started screaming and bashing the floor with my fists. She grab my arm, took me out to the parking lot, pulled down my pants and spanked me
till my ass was red. She then looked my straight in the eye, without malice or hate, and said "Don't you ever do that again!!". Guess what I never
As a parent, you have to analyze and make a decision devoid of anger. Is the child being bad, or is the child being a child.
And don't give me the "you just have to be reasonable with the child and tell them why they can't act that way". Look at the example above. How
can you be reasonable with 'someone' (forget the fact that I was 5) who is screaming and bashing the floor because he can't look at toys? Being
reasonable is what you do when they pass the age of about 10, thats when they start to really develop an adult mind. They're still not quite there,
but close enough that reasoning will work, if you did you job as a parent properly before that age.
However, like I said above, its not about the spanking, its about dominance. You don't have to spank, just be the boss and let them know that you
can't be bought or manipulated.
Case in point. I used to babysit my nephews when I was a teenager (they were about 6 and 8, I was about 15). My sister was the type would would just
ignore the kids when they were pestering her, and she would eventually give in. "Mommy, I want a cookie, give me a cookie mommy...." "Alright fine,
here you go". As you can Imagine, as a result of this they were spoiled little brats.
Then I came along. The first time I babysat the boys got in a fight over some toy and the older one hit the younger one, hard. I said "don't hit
your brother or your going to bed!". He just gave me this defiant stare and then hit him again.
So, I just walked over, picked him up and took him upstairs. Now I didn't do what most parents do and just leave him in his bedroom. He had a TV,
Nintendo, transformers etc.... I put him in bed, locked the door to his cupboard with all the toys, took the power adapter for the Nintendo and the
cable for the TV, unscrewed the light bulb from the ceiling and just left him with his night light.
Now, this is where the dominance and some subtly came in. I made a threat and I followed through, but I left him with his books, even the comic books.
Its always good for kids to read no matter what they are reading. I didn't make an issue out of it. I didn't even mention them or look at them. You
know kids will never do something you tell them to do. I just left them as his only option. When I came to check on him an hour later (after the
screaming had stopped), he was reading.
This is when you can reason with them, tell them what they did was wrong and why they had to suffer the consequences of their actions.
Basically, my point is this. Like I said before, kids won't do what you tell them to do. All you can do is be dominant, let them know when they have
misbehaved and that they can't do that. But on the other side of the coin, you have to indirectly encourage them to take the right course of action
on their own accord. That, in my opinion, is the only why they can learn. Thats how my parents taught me.