Self Esteem

>>>Another thing with "Self Esteem is that it differentiates between the sexes". for eg; that both males and females are different- I guess that goes with "X" & "Y" Chromosome- Go figure....



[edit on 26-7-2009 by catalyst2466]

The main issue with low self esteem is failing to defend yourself properly - if you don't do that, then you might end up as a door mat.

Self defense, martial arts are good ways to improve your confidence.

sorry- technical @$#%@** Problem!!!
Blah Blah Blah!!!!

[edit on 26-7-2009 by catalyst2466]

reply to post by Amagnon


Way to go- nothing like a strong and sexy woman doing Martial Arts- Martial Arts is certainly an expression of -"Self Assertion", especially for Women.

[edit on 26-7-2009 by catalyst2466]

Good thread. Thank you for raising this topic.

Self-esteem is a powerful force within us. People want to know "what is it, and how do I get it". lol. It is in fact, a human need.

Firstly, it is not something you either "have" or "don't have". It fluctuates within us, and this is perfectly normal. In other words, following a success it may be very high, but then plummet following a perceived failure. There should be a balance, however. The one who gets "stuck" in a negative cycle, is the one who needs to "work on himself'. There are typically other issues involved here, including a feeling of not being worthy, a weak or underdeveloped ego system, or Depression itself. I have learned that Depression and low self esteem are *always* correlated. They work well together, and where you find one, you generally find the other. All these issues can be addressed individually, and consequently over the long haul, will improve self esteem.

One of the ways self esteem is acquired is by thinking independently, even when it may not be easy to do so. When it is frightening to do so.
In this way we develop confidence in our ability to think and cope with the challenges of life.

To accept yourself does not mean to be without a wish to change, to improve, to evolve. It means to not be at war with yourself. Your interior is not a battlefield. To accept yourself is not to deny the reality of what is true of us.

Self esteem is sometimes confused with boasting or arrogance. But these behaviors, on the contrary, indicate poor self esteem. People with healthy self esteem are not driven to make themselves appear superior to others.

Unfortunately people are all too frequently raised in environments that are unfavorable for producing a healthy personality. But that can be overcome. I've seen it overcome many times. But again, it is one of those things you have to work on. It's not accomplished over night, but it's work that is worth the effort.

reply to post by OmegaPoint

I guess all I was suggesting is that a really low and fragile ego, is still highly self absorbed and is a type of ego in and of itself.

it's a difficult point to make without sounding cruel - or at least callous

we're all conditioned to want to help others with a poor self image feel better about themselves - protect them some how

it's one of the things I like best about us humans - that we (more or less) are willing to look after each other

but you make a real good point I think - it ends up being just as much about the self as someone who seems to have an indestructible sense of self - it develops out of a need to survive - protect the self - just like anything else

...she is totally self absorbed - everything is about how others think of her, what they do to wrong her, etc etc. and her capacity to love others and leave herself behind is hardly there. It's ALL ABOUT HER, and she's like a black hole of need...

there's also something called learned helplessness:

Learned helplessness as a technical term in animal psychology and related human psychology means a condition of a human being or an animal in which it has learned to behave helplessly, even when the opportunity is restored for it to help itself by avoiding an unpleasant or harmful circumstance to which it has been subjected. Learned helplessness theory is the view that clinical depression and related mental illnesses result from a perceived absence of control over the outcome of a situation (Seligman, 1975).

en.wikipedia.org...

I think the real truth might be - even people with high self esteem have low self esteem - there's no possible way we can see the different sides of each other at all times

but it's always there - somewhere

the hardest part of all this I think is - the person with low self esteem is the only one who holds the key to themselves. Positive reinforcement, encouragement can help - but only they can decide to feel good about themselves - nobody can do it for them

this is simplistic I know - but all it really takes for someone who sees themselves as being less than what they think they could be is that one instance where they realize - it really is in all of us - they're no different



[edit on 7/26/2009 by Spiramirabilis]

reply to post by OmegaPoint


The girl you describe in your post obviously has some other issues going on, other than just self esteem. This sounds like a very harsh assessment of someone who is in a great deal of pain. ?

Several personality disorders and emotional issues come to mind with this individual. Poor self esteem appears to be only a fraction of her troubles.

imho

reply to post by ladyinwaiting

Several personality disorders and emotional issues come to mind with this individual. Poor self esteem appears to be only a fraction of her troubles.

what do you think they are?

Self-esteem is essentially the image one holds of oneself. So how does one generate a pleasant image of oneself? Simple; by BEING pleasant.

Other ways to raise self esteem include walking firmly and upright, regular exercise, friends that see the good in you (drop the negative 'friends'), healthy diet, non-restrictive job...things like big houses, money and beauty are non-entities in the grander scheme of things, so dettach from all that...

BUT the greatest self-esteem booster in existence is the practice of goodwill! Help your fellow men to cure what ails ya! Nothing works better than that. You can do this through charity work etc., but different people have different gifts. The trick is to do something that helps another...

thanks to all who have posted. i'm 23 years old, I recently had a bad acid trip (probably my last acid trip) and it brought to the surface a lot of self esteem issues that I had been ignoring since I was a child. it is incredibly hard to deal with. I would love to be able to say to myself, "stop the negativity" but these are automatic thoughts that are a part of me. I'm now on an antidepressant, in therapy once a week, and reading a book on cognitive therapy. I want to get better because I know logically these thoughts are holding me back and I have great potential.

[edit on 26-7-2009 by ruckus49]

Interestingly enough my self esteem is wrecked on any given day at my job... I am the only IT person and when there is a major issue that needs to be fixed and until it is I am always looking over my shoulder.

I like what I do but some times I really feel defeated. We have a new CRM project in the works and there are changes we are finding as the process moves forward. I am the guy that has to go to the CFO, explain the situation and ask for the money. My CFO has the "look" he gives you when he's not happy that makes you wonder when the ax is going to fall.

My self esteem bank is like a roller coaster I guess and I am always working weekends without pay... I guess it's my way of shooting par in a bad economy...

I won't even go into the personal self esteem issues but they are no better... I guess I a shooting par there as well.

Nice topic OP...



[edit on 26-7-2009 by northof8]

reply to post by ruckus49

I want to get better because I know logically these thoughts are holding me back and I have great potential.

you'll do OK - just keep reminding yourself of what you just told us - you already know what you need to know

and those negative thoughts that repeat themselves over and over? We all have them from time to time - sometimes they do get the better of us and they seem to be the ones running the show - but you can change them - I know for a fact

:-)

Hi and back here for just a tad bit...
LadyInWaiting thanks for you post- Spot on! and well truthfully spoken. I also agree about the part wth the "girl" in other post, about haveing several other disorders, and agree it was a harsh generalization made on her behalf... We need so desparately in todays Age To Lift the "Stigma" surrounding Mental Health Issues.

To VergeofObscene thanks for reply-I totally agree we need to All Help and Heal One another.

Ruckus49 -I know how difficult and challangeing it is to face our fears and psychological experiences of the past. Keep up the good work, Group Therapy along with Cognitve Therapy will serve you well, take care!
-Must go have a nice day~~