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“Recent advances in the technology of film enhancement coupled with a Monte Carlo Biometric Gait Analysis lead irrevocably to the conclusion that the late Beatle John Lennon was a Space Alien,” states London-based researcher Nigel Smythe, PhD. “He had the ability to transmogrify into Sasquatch, and we now have proof that he was filmed in the Patterson [-Gimlin] film [of Bigfoot], as well as archival footage from the Abbey Road shoot.”
“We know the height of Paul McCartney and can accurately measure his shadow, and thusly we can calculate a ratio of physical height to shadow height. From this ratio we can calculate Bigfoot’s height as 196 centimeters [6 ft 5 in].” This height, by the way, is an exact match with that from expert analysis of the Patterson-Gimlin film.
“The important feature here is the gait analysis, that is, the lower half of the bodies. In the upper half is structurally different so [it] can not be analyzed; however their gaits present similar pedographically features and are suitable for a Monte Carlo Biometric Gait Analysis.”
Dr. Smythe presented series of graphics and concluded: “We used an eigenvalue iterative analysis to compare the 17 loci of anatomy (e.g., calf distention, mid-foot flexion, medial patellar luxation) from Lennon and Bigfoot. This renders an analysis not unlike DNA results in that we can assess the probability of match between two specimens. In this case there is a concordance value of 0.99673, which has a statistical probability of 1 in 74 quadrillion. Ladies and Gentlemen: Proof Positive that John Lennon and Bigfoot are one in the same.”