posted on Jul, 15 2009 @ 11:44 PM
This is actually a very complex question.
I am going to give it a shot though. Under normal circumstances (husband/wife has not cheated on the other) I would suggest that it is a problem with
the ego due to either a temporary or permanent loss or lack of self esteem. There may have been physical changes in the individual (weight gain/loss,
gray hair, sagging breasts, wrinkles) any cosmetic problem problem that could affect the ego.
Every person has an inherited need to belong to something bigger than themselves. This typically manifests itself in a relationship or family;
however, for some it can be different things such as a church or group. Even the hermits have this need it is just manifested differently, perhaps
being part of the wilderness. When there is a perceived threat to this area of belonging it causes reactionary defenses to take place. In some species
this becomes brutal, (this also sometimes happens to humans). For most of us it manifests itself as a sort of ego defense mechanism. I don't think
the subconscious intention is to mediate between the ego id and the super ego as is typically the case with ego defenses; instead I think it is more
of trying to impose a negative thought on another's conscious or subconscious in order to stave off any perceived intrusion into their "group".
As we get older we lose a lot of physical attributes and our bodies start to degrade. This has psychological effects, there is no way to hide from
this. This is especially true for females in our species as they are the perceived gender of beauty. This is evident by how much effort and resources
is expended by the typical female as compared to the typical male in our society for cosmetic purposes. Typically the female spends substantially more
resources for cosmetic purposes (make up, shoes, dresses, even sunglasses have to be specific) where as the typical male is more concerned with ego or
pride (for some this is monetary, physical, even attractiveness). This is the animal instinct that resides in each of us and is part of the mating
ritual. The different genders have different ways of trying to influence a potential mate. For males this tends to be of a convincing nature (money,
physique, linguistics, or whatever they feel is their strength which gives them an advantage over the competition). In females this is almost always
cosmetic in nature, sometimes sexual skill sets, but that only seems to be used as tool when cosmetics are sacrificed and is done in a compensatory
manner. There are even many attractive females that use this tool because of perceived competition. We as a species are a very competitive group and
that being said, just because the age takes its toll on the body, it does not have much effect on the psyche.
Personally if I were offering advice to anyone on this subject, I would say that if your mate has not changed their routines and attempted to change
their physical appearance, you have nothing to worry about. It is a natural instinct to defend one's territory, because we are more civilized than
our other mammal friends only means that typically our reaction is usually sarcasm, negative impositions, or focused anger as compared to brutality
and physical confrontation, although in a small percentage of people this does occur.
Freud had done extensive research on this subject and believed that there were only two driving forces in mankind the Eros and the Thanatos which he
adapted from Greek mythology. In the strictest terms the Eros is the life force and the Thanatos is the death force; however Freud saw it more as the
sexual force (Eros) which incorporated sex, family, safety...etc and the defensive force (Thanatos) which incorporates defensive acts to protect the
Eros. So basically this could be looked at as a protective action by the Thanatos in order to satisfy the Eros's need to feel secure within the
My area of expertise is not human sexuality, so I am by no means an expert unless expert is defined as x being an unknown and pert being defined as a
drip under pressure. My background is in developmental psychology; however, I do recall some courses and lectures that dealt with this so I am sharing
what I can on the subject.
[edit on 7/15/2009 by DarrylGalasso]