Don't Hate Me Because I'm Attractive!

Honestly,
How many of you have ever looked at a member of your own sex and decided that you hated them based solely on their looks?

Maybe you are in the mall shopping with your spouse or significant other and you notice that they are checking someone else out. Now as I woman, I know that the first thing that pops into my mind is "what a B****!" Why? She didn't do anything...she is just walking in to mall shopping just like I am. It just so happens that my husband was staring at her....its not her fault...

Men what goes through your mind when you catch your spouse/significant other checking out another man?
Do you get angry or upset with her, or the man that she was ogling?

Why do we react this way? Is it simply jealousy or is it more than that. Is it a feeling of being threatened and feeling the need to be on the defensive..to fight so speak for what is "mine/yours"? My husband tells me all of the time that I am beautiful, so why should I be ready to kick some butt when I see him looking at someone else...it is only looking after all... Do you wonder what your partner is thinking as they are eyeing someone else...I think that is the thing for me that upsets me...go figure. What is it that upsets you when you see your partner is focusing their attention on someone else and why? Aside from the fact that we are human....

[edit on 15-7-2009 by Greenize]

reply to post by Greenize
thats just the green-eyed-monster

next time just pull his ears because kicking him in the nads is ill advised

reply to post by Greenize


While some may benefit later from taking a mental image of these others, the persons mate at the time may than also. I have to wonder how many husbands and wives etc. use each other this way? I used to get upset with my wife when she spoke, it would really spoil the mood.

She was equally upset, if not more so when I would show up home for lunch when she specifically told me not to during my first break.

My next door neighbor was confused. He said; " Wait... so, you're the husband?"

I've see a few hot women and now that I'm older and alone for the past ten years, I see them and wonder about their personality and intelligence.

So many actresses I see now after 10 years or more, have really lost it. I sometimes wish I could give them back their youth...without surgery.

I'm not very anxious to go to my next high school reunion either. 30 plus years can be frightening.

[edit on 15-7-2009 by aleon1018]

Not really sure, and I think everyone has experienced it at one time or another.

I think it's either our own insecurities shining through, or an unknown reaction programmed inside us.

As women, we're our own worse critics, so our subconscious backs-up on us every now and then, regardless of whether it's unfounded or not.

We want our husbands/boyfriend's attention, (maybe for vindication, etc.) and when it's easily (stolen/borrowed) by another, our natural reaction is defensive.

HA!! at first glance I thought this thread was about Sarah Palin...

Originally posted by Greenize
Honestly,
How many of you have ever looked at a member of your own sex and decided that you hated them based solely on their looks?

Maybe you are in the mall shopping with your spouse or significant other and you notice that they are checking someone else out. Now as I woman, I know that the first thing that pops into my mind is "what a B****!" Why? She didn't do anything...she is just walking in to mall shopping just like I am. It just so happens that my husband was staring at her....its not her fault...

Men what goes through your mind when you catch your spouse/significant other checking out another man?
Do you get angry or upset with her, or the man that she was ogling?

Why do we react this way? Is it simply jealousy or is it more than that. Is it a feeling of being threatened and feeling the need to be on the defensive..to fight so speak for what is "mine/yours"? My husband tells me all of the time that I am beautiful, so why should I be ready to kick some butt when I see him looking at someone else...it is only looking after all... Do you wonder what your partner is thinking as they are eyeing someone else...I think that is the thing for me that upsets me...go figure. What is it that upsets you when you see your partner is focusing their attention on someone else and why? Aside from the fact that we are human....

[edit on 15-7-2009 by Greenize]

My woman and I have a great relationship. We ogle people together. I am not big on ogling men but we both have a great time ogling other women.

I just want to say ogle some more.

Ogle.

Originally posted by JulieMills
HA!! at first glance I thought this thread was about Sarah Palin...

What is attractive about a quitter?

[edit on 15-7-2009 by BaronVonGodzilla]

reply to post by BaronVonGodzilla


I don't know about quitters but If you don't know that SP is smoking hot...well...you are riding the magic rainbow my friend.

reply to post by BaronVonGodzilla


As I have gotten older, I will now say "ewww she is nasty or yeah shes cute".... I still don't like it though! Good for you and your wife!!

It really sucks when you feel like a criminal actually...

I would NEVER be with one of those jerks, and am completely TURNED off by someones partner looking at me....

I am equally tired of the dirty looks from the wives too....

I can only dress down so much. I was to the point where I was dressing like a slob and not doing my hair etc just to stop the dirty looks, dosen't work.....

I am tiredd of that..... I am dressing how I want and taking pride in my self now...... toooooooo baaaaaad!

I am tired of feeling like some criminal because of the insecurites of others....

ON THE OTHER HAND THOUGH......... this IS the fault of the few women who DO go after taken men....in fact ONLY are attracted to men who are taken.... I blame them........ ohhhhhh this breed cause so much unhappiness in this world! You know, the HOME WRECKERS ..... they will even use your child whom they are going to scar for life to get in there in the first place! SICK!

reply to post by BaronVonGodzilla


Apparently, she's making more time for her husband now. Does she get a severance package etc? Some woman are much more attractive when they aren't talking. She reminds me a carnival ride for some reason. Think about it. I've known someone like that myself...sorta.

reply to post by mellisamouse


Ageed! There is a huge difference in someone that is attractive and someone that is an attractive home wrecker!!!
And I say let your beauty shine and don't worry about what others think.

reply to post by Greenize


Heh. Yeah, my wife is like this. She looks at skinny little girls and hates them because she was never skinny and little. What's the problem? I was attracted to her for many reasons. One was that she was tight and hard and solid. Not a skinny girl I thought I might break.



Why would she get angry or jealous of a skinny girl, or a girl with big boobs? I don't know. Her looks attracted me to her. What's the problem? I don't know. Maybe if she had different body style and hair color she would have attracted someone other than me?

reply to post by kyred


What a great response!! Your wife is very lucky!!
As I said before, my husband tells me everyday that I am beautiful, and we have been married for 24 years, but I still don't like it when I see him staring at another woman!

It's the desire to assert dominance over a potential threat, every animal does it.

I know it's not very flattering to think of ourselves as animals, but as civilized as we may seem we still have the same instincts.

reply to post by mellisamouse


must be a hard life being so good looking that even trying to dress down doesn't work.

It is because you compare. You are unique, noone will ever be you and noone has ever been you. You are unique and so is everyone else, so relax and just be the best you that you can be,

reply to post by kyred


because she wants to be ogled by other guys. Most women crave attention. and when they see another women getting attention they feel left out. thats why there is so much image related mental disorders. women want to be looked at and they will do whatever it takes to have this happen. wax their legs lipstick high heels fake boobs fake nails plastic surgery dieting. whatever the latest thing is.

one of my ex's used to say this to me all the time. she used to say that women dont really care what guys think. they care more what women think beacuse at the end of the day guys dont care what kind of shoes you wear or what handbag you have or if they match and any of that crap. the only things guys are thinking is what does she look like in bed. i know i know its typical guy mentality but seriously ladies we are not that complicated. think about it. you dont ever hear a guy ever say to his mate hey check out the hot blonde with the rack... dude she is wearing the same outfit as that other chick...never gonna happen... trust me. thats something a chick would say.

[edit on 15-7-2009 by TiM3LoRd]

I can't help it.

Blame it on the Fluoride and the Kool Aid.

If my significant other wants to look at other guys, thats fine. She can have guy friends too. I'm not going to stop her. Its when she starts flirting with other guys and hanging out with her guy friends more than she does with me, and during "dating" hours, that I begin to have a problem with things.

Also, if a guy is better looking than me, sure, I'll be intimidated, but I probably won't go out of my way to let her know that.

ALl of that is merely how I would want to be treated if the shoe were on the other foot.

I am the woman husbands look at. I would rather be attractive than not attractive...but beauty has it's issues. Anywhere I go I am stared at. Men stare at me, women give me dirty looks. I am happily married...I don't want husbands or boyfriends checking me out- it makes me uncomfortable. If you think I enjoy men staring at my body- I don't. I find that I am always trying to cover up my body, and that I also tend to isolate myself. I sometimes wait late at night to go shopping so that I don't have to deal with the eyes. When single I had the problem of being treated like arm candy, and attracting the type of guy I wasn't interested in. I could have been a trophy wife in a second. I lost some of my best friends that were male, because their wives couldn't handle me around their husbands, even though I was always appropriate and married.

Women are worse. Not only do they look me over, but they try to marginalize me with labels- ho, bit**, when I am neither. In addition, although I am educated and published, people discount my intelligence until they get to know me. My looks have both assisted and deterred me from getting jobs. High school was hell- jealous girls are unmerciful.

People always told me to 'use' my beauty. "If you got it, flaunt it." That wasn't how I was wired. It seemed shallow and deceptive. I wouldn't trade my beauty, but I wish men would realize that most of us attractive women just wanted to be treated like everyone else. I see women that are more beautiful than me, and I admire their beauty and don't discount them as people. I see people less attractive than me, and I don't judge them either. I didn't choose to be beautiful, I have no more control over being beautiful than I would over being ugly.