What ever happened to 'Please' & 'Thank You'?

Manners are SO important. We were smacked as kids if we did use them at all times but I like having manners, it shows class and heart IMO.
I also smile at people all day and offer kind words.

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


I agree 100% with you! I was always raised to say please and thank you and I still do. What I find funny in a way is when I say thank for something how many dont say you are welcome back. I asked a friend of mine why they never say "thank you" and their response was they "FELT UNCOMFORTABLE." I was amazed! How could anyone feel uncomfortable for saying either of those things?! Even when I wad upset at the service I received I still said THANK YOU. I think its sad people dont do this more often. In all honesty I feel good for doing it. I like to be polite and show thanks for things I receive.
S&F for you!

reply to post by greeneyedleo


My thoughts also on this topic, except I am from the North.


This starts at home, how we are raised. I couldn't have had better parents, period!!!

Respect and be respected

I agree with your observation.

As goes the old saying:

"It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice."

Kind Regards...KK

Here in the South, it's still very common. Unfortunately, as the damned Yankees infiltrate, we also see a decline.

Now before anyone jumps me on the "damned Yankees" terminology, I was almost nineteen before I found out that those were two separate words.

Children will reflect what they are taught and what they are shown.

Period.

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


Must be a local issue where this happens. Where I'm at you get it all the time in fact so much so it's irritating at times, hearing thank-you to every response you get and please before every question. So be careful what you wish for.

Before, when I was young, parents and teachers would always reply to the "Can I?" as "I don't know, can you?" until I said "May I?". But now grown up and working retail, customers always say "Can I have this/that?" and the grown up in me wants to say "I don't know, can you?" until they say "May I?" but I don't know how to go about it without coming off as a smart ass. Any suggestions?

When i was a child i never had manners until i was like 13 and realized that manners are a good thing to have because it shows respect. Once i started using them i felt happier and more in tune with myself and my family. I still use them frequently to this day and my professors tell me that they dont usually hear manners as nice as i have. Also, i listen to death metal, Cannibal Corpse style lyrics, and i still have manners. I think teenagers were "forced" to have good manners and we lost them in the 70's and 80's because teens were "rebelling" against there parents and got "too cool" for manners..

Originally posted by XXXN3O

The other day I was going into a building and held the door open for a female which I would consider to be manners. I thought nothing of it as its in my nature to let people go before me if they look in a hurry, not just women either.
The woman stopped and called me a sexist pig before demanding I walk in the door first. I tried to explain that I thought she was in a hurry as she ran over but was snapped at yet again.

[edit on 7-7-2009 by XXXN3O]

The same has happened to me. I've learned that the only way to 'win' that argument is to just release the door. Usually they are standing in the doors way. When it hits them just shrug, and walk away.

what a great thread!! i believe that manners/lack thereof, comes mostly from parenting and the parenting of ones peers. that, and our culture is just different than the good ol' days i hear about there's no question (at least in my experiences), that geography plays part as well. southern people seem to be much nicer and more responsive or talkative to strangers than up north (ma...where ive resided). good luck with having door held for you!! granted there are plenty of "nice" people up north but not enough to coin the term "southern hospitality" the worst is when you open a door for someone and they just stroll on in...no thanks, eye contact, or even a smile!! ughhhh!! and when you let someone over in traffic and they dont wave??? im just like..are you serious right now?! anyway...thank God i was raised "old skool" in the va with family dinners at the table EVERY night, church EVERY sunday, an actual list of chores (do they still exist? i really dont know...enlighten me!), and most importantly the values of politeness, manners, and simply respect for others. thanks for posting! really interesting topic!

[edit on 7-7-2009 by devolution]

If i have put myself out for somebody , and it goes unacknowledged with a simple expression of gratitude one of two things happen .....

..... I either

A
. Ratchet up the "happy times" pushing through social convention ...... blinding them with wave after wave of unconditional love. Leaving them a devastated shell , snivelling, broken and ready for change.


B.
Smoulder with a contempt that consumes me, slowing plotting their downfall over the coming decades.


(and before someone asks .... Yes i have clung on to the undercarriage of a car for hundreds of miles smoking a cigar.)



More important than the actual utterance of the word(s) , is the heartfelt meaning behind the sentiment .

=============================================

Somewhat related :

The size of the community you live in .

I would imagine that if you never have to see somebody again if you so wish , perhaps you would suffer less "blowback" from being rude/ than if you lived in a small community.

Originally posted by UmbraSumus
Somewhat related :

The size of the community you live in .

I would imagine that if you never have to see somebody again if you so wish , perhaps you would suffer less "blowback" from being rude/ than if you lived in a small community.

You might have something there. I live in a relatively large city (Ft. Lauderdale) and see alot of rudeness. A couple of weeks ago I actually saw three teenage girls get into a fist fight over who was going to get on the bus first! I was astonished at such a display of selfishness!

Having grown up in the 60's and 70's, I'd say manners went out the door when children were allowed to start wearing jeans to school. Why bother behaving in anything other than a relaxed state?

I am not only apalled that children and some adults no longer say please and thank you, but at other forms of etiquette that are lacking also.

No longer are children taught to put a napkin in their laps, what fork to use, how to cut their food with a knife, etc. What ever happened to asking if they may be excused from the table?

And to the person who mentioned it being different in the South, I have lived all over this country and the only difference I see in the South is that children here say yes Mam, and no Sir. They still don't say please and thank you, at least not in the vacinity where I am living right now!

People are working hard now, but so did all of our parents, so that to me is not an excuse. We have simply become a nation of slackers when it comes to manners!

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


The fear of Shame - the glue that binds small communities together.



Well apparently there is a school of thought, that we, modern humans have a "social capacity" similar to hunter gather societies of 50 to approx 150 people Dunbars Number. Some Amish communities also found that around max 150 individuals as a harmonious number of community members. Once this number is reached then a group breaks away to form another community .

But it would seem we are capable of adding layer upon layer of social connections . With this very inter web of tubes fascilitating this phenomenon .

On-line rudeness has a whole other character in itself.

Body language , tone ,and most importantly facial expression are severely missed whilst communicating via the internet .

We don`t appreciate how much information is transmitted other than speech, until someone launches into a tirade, at some perceived on-line sleight .



edit:typo

[edit on 7-7-2009 by UmbraSumus]

[edit on 7-7-2009 by UmbraSumus]

Originally posted by XXXN3O

The other day I was going into a building and held the door open for a female which I would consider to be manners. I thought nothing of it as its in my nature to let people go before me if they look in a hurry, not just women either.
The woman stopped and called me a sexist pig before demanding I walk in the door first. I tried to explain that I thought she was in a hurry as she ran over but was snapped at yet again.


[edit on 7-7-2009 by XXXN3O]

When I was young, in the early-mid 70's (during the "Woman's Lib" era), I saw a beautiful response to a situation like the one you describe. The gentleman responded, "My apologies, I hold doors for ladies. I misidentified you. Good day" Then he released the door, and she turned purple.

I am in my early forties with two children, 5 and 4. They see their Mother and me use please, thank you, Sir, Ma'am, as well as calling older people 'Mr.' and 'Mrs'. They also must use polite convention in their own communication as well. Personally, I believe that when they see us using it, that has a stronger impact on them than anything else.

OP, I don't know what you're talking about. Frankly I just don't see it. You're overreacting. Everywhere I go - from the local yakitori or izakaya to the youbinkyoku or ginkou or even the koban, everyone is extremely polite, almost to the point of absurdity sometimes. I had to get my keitai looked at the other day, and after everyone had finished bowing and apologizing for me even being there and thanking me for buying their product, the OL brought me a cup of tea and apologized profusely for not having any English magazines for me to read while I waited.





I do notice it when I'm abroad though - especially at home in Canada or the USA (where in some areas the reply to "thank you" is "un-huh". ). I've gotten used to incredible customer service *everywhere* and I find myself outright offended by how rude people seem to have become...

Originally posted by DrumsRfun
I use my manners so much people actually notice it and mention it.
Not quite here as this is a forum but in real life I have noticably good manners.
Its how people are raised these days.
There is a sense of self entitlement that makes people think manners don't really matter.


[edit on 7-7-2009 by DrumsRfun]

I also use manners, I've read some people say they only give manners to those who deserve them haha, for example they won't say please or thank you to a waiter, because the waiter is merly doing his/her job.

That's just silly to me, it creates a more negative world instead of a more positive world.

My father was fond of a saying, "The true measure of a man is how he treats another, who can do absolutely nothing for him."

reply to post by JaxonRoberts
Starred.

Have you seen any of the recent reality shows, "Bridezilla, etc" their all about being rude and obnoxious and it seems the ruder the better.

It's the "new cool".

Also what use to be "ghetto culture" has now spread all over.

People (particularly the young) see the rudest and crudest junk on TV and incorporate that into their life because they think it's "cute".

In actuality, one's manners shows class or lack of.

Also, because we are now a "global" community we are encountering cultures different than our own. I've noticed, East Indians, for example are more use to reaching directly in front of you for something and invading your comfort zone (space) compared to American's. It's not intentional, but a difference in style / culture.

Man has improved though, back a thousand years ago, if someone pissed you off you could lob off their head, now that's not acceptable.

I think it would be nice to teach etiquette in school. Hollywood for the most part just shows how ignorant people can be and some people incorporate this type of behavior.

I can't bear to watch Jerry Springer, a most embarrasing show. Don't understand how someone can watch two people attack each other or air their dirty laundry in public and find it amusing.

One thing that absolutely drives me bonkers is people who cough and sneeze and don't use a tissue. Inconsiderate idiots, passing their germs around.

With the H1N1 going to hit us in the fall, please folks, if you feel under the weather, bring tissues and cover your mouth and nose when you cough or sneeze. I don't want your germs.

I work in a office and the number of people that sneeze and cough right next to you without covering is discusting.



What's even scarier are the number of women who use the toilet and don't wash their hands.

One last observation: Using a cell phone while driving - drives everyone around you nuts. No you can't drive and yab at the same time, I can tell when I get behind someone on a cell their driving is unpredictable and crapp&. Get off the cell and focus on doing one thing (driving) correctly please.

Thank you.


[edit on 8-7-2009 by ofhumandescent]

Originally posted by JaxonRoberts
When I was growing up (the 60's and 70's), manners were not an option. To not use expressions like 'please', 'thank you', 'excuse me' etc., was considered rude and improper. Nowadays, however, manners and decorum are a thing of the past. Children no longer ask for things in a civilized manner, instead they demand them (I work in a restaurant and see this daily), and adults are no better.

You can see it in politics. You can see it online. You can see it in the grocery store. You can see it at your favorite fast food joint (usually from the customers, but sometimes from the employees as well).

So, please tell me, what ever happened to simple manners?

And I thank you in advance for your insights on this subject!

[edit on 7-7-2009 by JaxonRoberts]

Parents. Simple. No one teaches this anymore. And most kids these days, baggy pants, caps, etc.. polite to them is a sneer after you've helped them.

Funny I read this today too, as I was in the local shopping mall, unfortunately in the public toilet, when suddenly I hear someone storm in, and this little kids voice going "Damn, hurry up. Hurry up will you." and muttering under his breath. A little kid, no less. Where is the father?

A cubicle frees up and all I hear is "Geeze, thank god.".. and I thought had it been me exiting, I'd have said something - little cretinous small adult in the making.

I mean, it just struck me as entirely rude and inappropriate behaviour in a public place because not everything was right there, right then fort this brat.

I'm generally very agoraphobic so being in a shopping mall is bad enough, but politeness and general manners really are a thing of the past.. I think some people even don't know how to react when someone like me actually does say please and thank you.

What a world...