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Originally posted by ladyinwaiting
reply to post by Hemisphere
But it is those private, personal scars, both physical and emotional, that can and do ruin lives. Those people are in a tailspin with resentment and rage. The ones who do find their way to forgiveness, seem to fare better.
should we forgive if the other person has shown no remorse or asked forgiveness?
Do you forgive someone who has done you a terrible wrong,
even if they haven't asked for your forgiveness?
to the bedside of a dying nazi, who wanted the "forgiveness" of "a Jew".
Originally posted by ladyinwaiting
In referencing forgiveness as a social grace... yes, I agree, and this holds true for any minor infraction of a "social grace".
My purpose here is to explore forgiveness on a more profound level.
This is only a superficial act, and we wish to seek genuineness.
I made reference to a group of women, who have endured severe offenses, and who now have repercussions resulting from those offenses, including mental illness and personality disorder.
Keep in mind, that although some disorder might be present, their intelligence is intact, and they are cognizant of the meaning of forgiveness, and acutely aware of it's importance.
I am happy to see you have found a method which works for you. On one hand it seems like "distraction", which can be helpful, but on the other hand it sorta rings of "avoidance", which is typically not helpful for those who are trying to come to terms with past issues/demons.
How genuinely forgiveness reflects the forgiver's real feelings is immaterial. People who cannot forgive, and torture themselves over it, are doubtless a lucrative source of income to the psychiatric profession; but I think the rest of us are squarely entitled to view them as idiots.
It's a very simple matter: these women want to think of themselves as good people, but they can't because of all the hatred and hostility they feel towards the men who beat, raped or otherwise abused them. Their natural anger and impotence to indulge it gets them all choked up and twisted and uncomfy, poor things.
Well, tough luck. The fact is they aren't good people. There are no good or evil persons. There are only good and evil - I prefer to say right or wrong - acts. My message to these troubled souls is Get with the programme, ladies. Accept the truth: you hate the *%#@* who wronged you, you'd like to see him bleed to death following castration with a pair of blunt nail scissors. Accept, also, that it's never going to happen: you lost this one. Eat it and carry on. That's what real people do with their lives, not go bleating about the inner pain that comes from their inability to feel good about themselves.
But this kind of sub-Freudian pillow talk is just psychobabble, isn't it? Besides, unsolicited psychoanalysis is extremely bad manners>snip
And then you said this which almost made me break wind. That's what real people do with their lives lol, when was the last time you actually met a "real" person or for that matter a "normal" person. I doubt never because their is no such thing, just labels to distingush between the higher ups and the lowers, also used for comparissions which is also a bad thing.
You said: "The meaning of forgiveness is that you cease to speak of the act against someone who has offended you and treat them as though they have been forgiven.
Reply: This is "parlor-behavior" at it's finest. A learned behavior, which is superficial and not genuine.
The meaning of forgiveness is that you cease to speak or act against someone who has offended you, and treat them as though offence had not been given