posted on Jul, 6 2009 @ 10:27 AM
I find that some things are easier to forgive than others.
It's not about how big or small the hurtful action is, but more who did it, why they did it and how quickly I get over it.
Example, my ex-employer was a nightmare and tried to bully and brow-beat me for years. I could cope most of the time, and since I was free to leave if
I wished and as she kept me in employment for a long time, I can mostly forgive. There are a couple of incidents that still rankle, but I understand
her very well and, knowing that a lot of the bluster was to disguise her feelings of inadequacy, I can let go.
On the other hand, I had a run-in with a late middle-aged man on an escalator. It was crowded and he kept treading on the hem of my dress in his
efforts to barge past me. Eventually we had a few words as he shoved his way past. He turned back and pushed me in the chest and called me a 'slag',
just for sticking up for myself. I'll never forgive him. The whole incident was over in a couple of minutes but I was extremely hurt and frustrated.
I know he'll never be sorry, I was nothing to him, just a 'blob' who was in his (very important) way.
That's what I hate - people who de-humanise or belittle you to justify their bad behaviour and lack of manners towards you.
As long as I mean so little to another person and so long as they aren't sorry, then I won't be forgiving them.
A person who appreciates me as an equal human being and is genuinely sorry for hurting me will most likely be forgiven. If they tried to make amends
it would help, too.
I never forget, though. I wouldn't trust someone ever again if they had proved to be untrustworthy in the past, for example.
I tend to believe that life takes care of most people. That person who tries to push me around and thinks they got away with it may well pick on a
bigger, nastier person next time. That suits me.
I don't want to get into a cycle of tit-for-tat. I absent myself from people I'm not comfortable with. Consequently, I've got a very small circle
of friends/family but it makes life easier for me.
As long as the offender is away from me and no longer able to hurt me, I'm mostly OK except for that de-humanising issue.
Forgiveness may be not possible so long as wounded pride is in play. Seeing the offender being punished wouldn't help. A change in their attitude
towards me would be the thing that was required.