posted on Jul, 6 2009 @ 01:13 AM
First I would like to state I file income taxes on a regular basis...about once every ten years give or take a year...When the IRS notices you might
have been very busy and you overlooked it for a decade or so it loves to give you a call!
Hey it's always nice to talk to people, and it's usually some nice woman or man calling from somewhere asking if you have heard of something called
the IRS...well yeah, hasn't everyone?
Then that nice person after establishing who they work for usually says...we have been trying to contact you...
Well, hey you got me now; speak your mind, what's up...
They then politely inquire as to why you haven't thought of them in such a long time, if by chance you didn't know that you were supposed to file a
Federal Income Tax form...
This is when I begin to share my confusion with them on the subject, regarding the Constitution and the law, and the very questionable nature of it
all, and I suspect that they (not the caller, but the people they work for) might be up to something untoward, you know like those people who call you
and tell you congratulations you have won a free vacation, but only want to steal you money.
The nice caller always politely assures me this is not the case. That it's perfectly legitimate and they have a right to do it, and I really should
better consider them when scheduling out my decades.
I tell them I still don't think it's a good idea, or right, but if they want me to under duress fill out ten years of forms (that's what they
always request) then I do.
I do by asking them to send me their information as to how much money they think I made each year because...hey guess what, I am not counting!
I have better things to do, so as soon as you can tell me what I made send it on with the forms and I will fill them out.
This takes them some time, but hey, it's been in the works for a decade or more, so what's another three or four months while they try to figure it
I dutifully fill out the forms then with the income information they sent me, figuring at this point, since they are so serious and all it's a good
idea to humor them.
I sign the forms Under Duress Against My Better Judgment JACK MEOFF (I kid you not).
This does not bother them because computers read this form and only look for numbers. The Computer never takes my sense of humor seriously.
Then a few months later I get a bill in the mail, it's usually something outrageous like the foreign debt of the nation of Indonesia...
Can't help but laugh when you think, wow, they actually think I have money like that...don't I wish!
My computer of course has a sense of humor. This is where I think my computer beats theirs every time!
Of course since I don't have that kind of money, never did, and probably never will, I just ignore this silly part, and wait for them to take the
This might take another year or two, the IRS they are very busy!
So am I, making sure I spend every penny I can get my hands on so ha, ha! They can't have it.
The next step is the LEVY...
Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good...it's just like Led Zeppelin sings when the Levee breaks.
Their computer obviously does not listen to or enjoy music which I think gives mine another clear advantage because mine does...and the song clearly
says the Levee was meant to be broken.
This is when I turn to the Tax Payer Advocate and fill out the 9-1-1 Form.
That's what it's called and titled, the 9-1-1 Form appeal to the Tax Payer's Advocate...
I fill that out and walk into my local Internal Revenue Office...and let me tell you folks, if these guys are making money they sure are tight with
it, what a dump! No wood parquet floors, crystal chandeliers, French antique furniture or artwork to be seen here!
They kind of go for that early American slaughter house look with the taped corals and number system...
So right away I am saying, wow, how would you like to work in a place like this your whole life?
I am feeling real sorry for the people that work there now, and well it's a good idea to feel sorry for them when you walk up and drop a 9-1-1 Form
on the counter...
Panic, I kid you not, Panic is evident right away...they look around the crowded room, down at the form and say...oh no, you have a problem???
They say it in a way like wow no one has problems, this really is an emergency!
They don't want to stamp and file that form; they really don't want to, they really don't want you appealing to the Tax Payer Advocate that
It scares them, and the first thing they try to do is 'help' you with your problem...
They do this by saying; I can probably help you with it, what year's taxes are in question.
I always smile and say "Oh just this Decade here" and unveil my copies of ten years of tax forms and related documents.
I mention that they were requested for and filed all at once and then they take another look around the room and down at the counter cursing their
luck that they were the one available when your number came up and say...
You know, this probably isn't the best place to discuss your 'problem'
Well duh! You are the guys with this screwy setup not me...lead the way Geronimo
So then we head off in some elevator up a couple of floors to a set of such sparsely and tackily decorated offices that suicide would be the only
option if you couldn't quit.
Yes, I feel very sorry for them.
Now this is when the moment of truth arrives...
Show me something in writing that says I have a legal obligation as a natural born human being born in this country to pay the IRS this money...
He of course can't and I ask them why not, this is the IRS, you are an IRS Employee, this is an IRS Office, someone has got to explain it and show it
to me, and after all, it's your responsibility.
So then this employee will call a supervisor in, to repeat the same spiel.
I of course am still not impressed just because he has a slightly bigger really cheaply furnished office...
Show me in writing exactly where and how and why in the form of a law in print in black and white why I have to pay Taxes when the Constitution says I
don't unless of time of war.
(Try not to visit them on a year when there is a war!) I know what you are thinking but these aren’t legal wars declared by Congress!
He of course can't either...then I the Person, who legally is an Actor Wearing a Mask and a Straw Man feign outrage and indignation...what kind of
government is this, what kind of operation are you running, you mean to tell me the main IRS Office in my city which is a Major City can't even do
the courtesy to the people of the nation who visit it, to have on hand the actual laws that require them to, and pay money that the Constitution
doesn't say I have to pay except of time in War...show me the Law or explain to me why you can't.
This is when the Supervisor is glad he is a Supervisor and can throw me back on the counter employee and will say, sit him back down in your office
and call New Jersey and see how they want to handle it...
Some guy then in some regional office in New Jersey will say the same thing as the guys in my city, but claim to have the actual law I demand
Great I say fax it over...
It's too big, takes too much time, the fax machine is out of toner, a solar storm has fried the lines yadda daddee da they say...
Not buying it without seeing the Law in writing that clearly states it, no problem I will just file the 9-11 Form and let the Tax Payer Advocate
handle it since you guys can't even give basic service to the citizen in your own offices...
This then leads to a call to the Texas Regional Office, it's like straightening out your cell phone bill, they switch you around a lot and of course
every new person has to be brought up to speed. They try to wear you down this way and get you to act rude or loose your temper.
No problem my computer has a sense of humor!
Plus its fun watching grown people who normally feel so empowered act like stuttering and embarrassed idiots.
OK maybe I don't feel that sorry for them, but I try to identify...
The call to Texas then leads to a call to Maryland...
Same story different call, same result...
I then offer to at my own time and expense immediately go to the nearest airport and board a plane to any city in the United States that has an Office
with a Copy of this Law...I want to, and will happily do it right now, where do I go...
And the sound of silence...
Broken eventually by, can I speak to the agent again with you...?
Followed by...are you sure he has a 9-1-1 Form...yes, it's right here in front of me...he has it completely filled out and it says what he has been
saying on the phone...yes I am looking right at it...
Ok, alright, under whose authority, what's the I.D. number, alright thanks...
Well...you must be the luckiest man alive my friend the poor agent says after this about six hour ordeal, they have authorized me to release the Levy
Against you immediately, lets go back downstairs and fill out the form.
Now if they were stumbling and worried when you walked in the door with your 9-1-1 form, they are really stumbling and worried now...as the 20 year
odd some veteran first hunts for a hand written Release of Levy form and then confesses in 20 years they have never filled one out, and you are either
the luckiest man on earth, or that both he and you are going to go to jail for a very long time.
They are very nervous filling out the form, and after they check it real carefully, to make sure their butt is covered they politely hand it your way
and suggest it would be really great if you would rip up your 9-1-1 form and let them throw it in the trash where litter belongs in exchange for their
Release of Levy Form.
Great guys, pack a lunch, plan on spending the day!
[edit on 6/7/09 by ProtoplasmicTraveler]