Round 1: Diagnosed with "depression", very generic. Saw a shrink and got Lithium. 2 months later left a drunken message on his machine saying I
no longer needed my head shrunken. 1 month after that, went to the store and found that I'd forgotten how to write a check. I shared a house with
friends and C. told me "No more zombie time. You gotta ditch this." So I did and it was a hard come-down.
Round 2: Several years later, with HMO insurance, it was suggested I try Prozac. Went to the doc and said "Hey, give me some Prozac" and he did.
No real questions or anything and instantly had a prescription with 15 refills. No blood tests, no eval, nothing. Took it. Hated it. Over.
Round 3: About a year later, had a night off and found myself out on the landing of my apartment building whistling and measuring to see how much
rope I'd need to do the job if I strung it from the far railing across and over the near one. Cleaned my apartment and wrote a note. A very LOUD
voice inside screamed "NO!" and for once I listened. Saw a doc and told him I was ready to check out. Got Paxil this time. Not too bad and took
it until I "decided" I was ok.
Round 4: About 2 years later with no meds during that time and having become a raving maniac who felt all people were garbage and the only thing
better than suicide would be homicide, went to the doc at my mother's urging. Got Wellbutrin and spent the next 8 months feeling like a new
person... then it was like stepping into a hole, the darkness reached up and swallowed me that quick! By then I had moved and had a new doctor who
actually did blood tests, etc. Started a "cocktail" of Wellbutrin and Depakote, having now moved past "Bipolar" and onto "Manic Depressive".
Ended up taking 10 pills per day before I dropped him, weaned myself off and got a new doctor. New doc has listened and tried several things, ending
up with PaxilCR at the moment. Lexapro was very good, but he said it wasn't as anxiety-focused as the PaxilCR is.
Depression: I feel things acutely. My "filters" are off much of the time. I sit and almost feel mugged by my mind. Too many "right now"
thoughts. Right now someone is beating their child again. Right now someone is torturing animals for sport. Right now someone is dying by inches in
a disgusting and hopeless situation and nobody even knows about it. Right now while I'm sitting here someone is screaming and begging for mercy
somewhere. It drives me crazy, but the meds sometimes seem to restore those filters so that I can live with some kind of peace. It just seems
nowadays that some doctors are too quick on the trigger when giving these things out. Get blood tests, and if the doc seems like he's giving out
candy on Halloween, see another doc.