~Dance Of Light~

Random streaks sketch the night
& scatter to and fro
They illustrate a painting bright
& render ol' Picasso

Darkness lit for seconds sings
To imitate the day
Only growling Thor could bring
Such beauty in this play

A God is near to our soft turf
We know with such a roar
I cannot help but glance in awe
& gladly plead for more

Earth abroad shakes in fear
The artist starts to work
Higher power controls here
That came out from its lurk

J.C.

well i think i may like this one better and i yet again have another critique. its similar to the other one i gave. the use of "render ol' picasso" throws things off. i think the line has too many syllables. other than that, very nice.



[edit on 25-6-2009 by ELECTRICkoolaidZOMBIEtest]

Originally posted by ELECTRICkoolaidZOMBIEtest
well i think i may like this one better and i yet again have another critique. its similar to the other one i gave. the use of "render ol' picasso" throws things off. i think the line has too many syllables. other than that, very nice.



[edit on 25-6-2009 by ELECTRICkoolaidZOMBIEtest]

I agree with your cratique. This is a decent poem.

Thank you both for the critique and it is valued for its honesty. I'm hoping to perhaps get some on my newer work. Hopefully I've gotten better.

Either way knowing what throws the flow gives me the the ability to notice it and do better. Therefore, thank you again.

While it did throw the flow some, it is still a very beautiful piece visually. I love it!