Nightmare (Poetic)

~Nightmare~


Take a seat in the circle child
A story you will hear
Tales of a world without lies
So distant and so near

This place I visit in my head
Where none are left behind
This place of truth and ecstasy
I cannot seem to find

Rubble rains on the quiet mind
So speak up or be lost
And fall victim to everyone
And pay the full cost

The timbers quake & most are trapped
Searching for a light
The boat is sinking rapidly
In the dreary of this night

She reaches out and calls to me
I swim to find her voice
Suddenly I realize
It's all a distant noise

She is faded like my hope
Swept under with the tide
And this place I hope to hold
Has vanished out of sight

The walls crumble & the dust remains
Settled like the dead
I reach out into the sky
And only grab more dread

I wake up sweating & cannot move
Paralyzed by fear
I pray who ever's listening
To take me far from here

J.C.

not too bad. would me offering a small criticism bother you?

reply to post by ELECTRICkoolaidZOMBIEtest


Not at all. By all means actually.

This was wrote some years ago however so I have thought about fixing some stuff but please give me your critique!

i like the flow of your poem but the line "and pay the full cost" throws it off i think. plus i would avoid the repeat of the use of the word "and" at the beginning of two consecutive lines.

reply to post by ELECTRICkoolaidZOMBIEtest


Yeah I tend to get repetitive if I don't pay close attention and strangely I entirely agree with you about that line. I don't know, maybe I'll edit my old work to make it more appealing. Either way thank you honestly friend!

no problem im glad to see that not everyone is so touchy about their writings. im highly sensitive about what i write.


if you play your cards right you may see something i wrote. *makes my eyes squinty*

reply to post by ELECTRICkoolaidZOMBIEtest


The only way to get better is by noticing the flaws which is needed as my side can be potentially biased.

LOL! I would like that. You should post some work for sure!