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I used to be a jerk but now I've changed

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posted on Jun, 23 2009 @ 04:24 PM
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reply to post by FritosBBQTwist
 


Ah Fritos, lots of your posts make me laugh. Don't worry about the mean lady, you know where she lives next time your dog has to poop.




posted on Jun, 23 2009 @ 04:30 PM
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I caught the thread title and I had to jump in.

Some people would attribute what you say to maturity, i have changed and people seem to think that its because I'm older. The truth is we all care a little about adjusting our attitude / personality but these last 4 years I made it my mission, with meditation reading philosophy and putting new thoughts to the test.

If there is any maturity with age, its because enough time has passed to work on one's personal problems. That being said, some people need a little extra motivation and that's fine, there's no rush to be "perfect". It's commendable that some go out of their way to try whereas others stubbornly fix themselves in their position but unknown to them it could actually be worth their effort to change. You do it firstly for yourself, the fact that it benefits others is a pleasant side effect.

I've met many people older then me who were very immature in some ways and posessed a maturity I wanted in other ways. Everyone's has had their own experiences growing up as well, I gotta tell you how proud I am of my mother, she'll deny that she's changed much but I seem to remember her in quite a different light when I was a teenager. She's much more open-minded and relaxed. My father, it hurts me to see how he repeatedly feeds into his own stress. We're very different in many ways but there is one thing I always looked up for him for, it's that he was always nice with everyone. Never once did I hear him talk bad about anyone unless he felt they had wronged him or another.

I used to go out of my way to be hated, rebel without a cause or something. I thought I had a cause but as that cause evolved so did my approach. It's been hard these past few years and I can't begin to imagine how I used to be different, looking back I'm glad that people tested me to the limits. When I feel that comming on again, I just acknowledge what I can do to change my mindset on the circumstances, because ultimately I want to be as functional and happy as possible. I want to wise up so I don't get swept away.

I used to be a $#%%$%$!!


We have to be patient with each other and ourselves. I'm down with that philosophy, that patience is virtue, one to be cultivated. It helps us gain control and not make things for ourself and others.

In my eyes, everyone has the potential to change for the better, and especially if they care to try, then i'll do what I can to help, and more likely I'll be more patient with them.

So here's for the jerkwad to nice guy transition.
(but more then that, don't hold the anger in, rise above it, understand it, you won't be resisting, you'll be who you really are, and that's all we can expect of each other.)

I like it! the thread.



posted on Jun, 23 2009 @ 05:04 PM
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Either everyone goes nice or everyone becomes a thief and murderer. That's how it should be.

I hate racists and bullies, simple as that. I get harassed by some of my fellow male classmates for having more female friends than them.



posted on Jun, 23 2009 @ 05:14 PM
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I'm sure I'm considered one of those "nice guys" that is a pushover. Yes 99/100 you are going to be put down, disrespected, used, whatever. It's that 1/100 time that ALWAYS eventually comes around, where you really had something meaningful happen in your interactions with others that makes it worth it. And it's very rewarding to know you didn't resort to the typical, guaranteed, cheap sort of tactics that the normal person would use to "get what they want"

I'm not doing this because I want to be a victim. I'm nice because I want my life to be less predictable, more challenging, and it's lessons more subtle. It's all been done before, there is nothing new under the sun. Why would I sell my life out for "results."



posted on Jun, 23 2009 @ 05:23 PM
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Honestly, I have mixed feelings about this Jerkdom thread.

It seems to me that only other people's opinions of you could deem you a jerk. It is not a typical self assessment. Perhaps you've been wrong or short tempered or impatient on occasion, but "being" a jerk consistently takes time and observance.

I have found that most people don't really care how you act. It is only when you violate their expectations of how they think you are "supposed" to act is when they get irritated.

Example. Be a safe, slow driver. Just don't be a slow driver in front of me.
(And so goes the old joke if they are in front of you, they're an idiot, but if they're behind you they're a moron.)

Lastly, in the past I have often made a concentrated conscious effort to be nice. I was often mistaken for a fool. You have to defend your human-space or people will walk all over you.

Lucky for me I am unique, just like everybody else.

Regards...KK

[edit on 23-6-2009 by kinda kurious]



posted on Jun, 23 2009 @ 05:57 PM
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reply to post by FritosBBQTwist
 


Haha thats pretty funny. I'm kind of the same way. I think it has to do with your upbringing as well. I've always been a little shy too, so I've always been more "nice" or respectful towards people over being a jerk.

But now that I'm older, I always initially give people the benefit of the doubt and be polite. If another person disregards that, I just brush it off, much like you did with the dog poop comment. Treat others how you want to be treated!



posted on Jun, 23 2009 @ 05:58 PM
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Are you married, living with a significant other?

If not, Jerkdom may well be a line of your address.

Sorry to be so blunt, but women tend to "moderate" us, and the absence of one is rarely healthy for our general demeanor if you are in your thirties.

Just my $0.02



posted on Jun, 23 2009 @ 06:02 PM
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reply to post by kinda kurious
 


I totally agree with you, you don't fit into just made up expectations. We get so carried away trying to please everyone and its impossible. We have to kind of like forgive ourselves so we don't dwell on these thoughts, self-supportive if you what I mean and realize we are fine the way we are but we still aspire to be better for whatever reasons, to please other people, or because its something we want personally. I think I do it for my own mental well being and if trying to be functional and not stressed out makes me a nice guy, so be it. There are still others who portray me in different ways but I don't let it bother anymore.

My outward expression is related to my inner state. I have days where I'm sure most people think I act irritated. Every morning walking downtown I get irritated unless I do some standing meditation before I leave the house, the outer reflects the inner. If I appear to be a nice guy its because on the inside I feel calm and focused enough.

Don't fall into trying to please everyone, fitting in this imaginary box.



posted on Jun, 23 2009 @ 06:37 PM
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I'm often seen as a jerk. I call people out, and won't let things slip. If someone does something that bothers my conscience, I'm likely to let them know. This causes the reaction of me, "being a jerk". I don't understand in the slightest. If I was doing something wrong, I'd expect my friends to call me out and set me straight. I've lost a lot of friends because I refused to accept their wickedness.

I don't use people, curse them out, try to take advantage of them. None of the usual jerkery, but calling people out. Telling them the situation like it is. This REALLY ticks most people off. Go figure, when we live in a narcissistic society, who'd want to know their faults?

I'm so sick of the pseudo-spiritual mumbo-jumbo. If someone does something wrong, it's our duty to put them in check. To inform them and/or others of their wickedness. If they don't care, others should be aware of this. Why do spiritual people think it okay to look the other way and not inform people of their wrong doings? That just seems like nonsense.



posted on Jun, 23 2009 @ 06:44 PM
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reply to post by Retseh
 


Hmm, well it's sort of accepted that being married is the norm. It's sort of status quo to assume that's what's wrong with someone isn't it?

I don't know. I guess if getting married wasn't so status quo and riddled with false authority for both sides, I wouldn't have had a problem with what you said.

Plus 50% divorce rate. A good woman may be a moderating factor. But you said it like it's the norm, like it's a given.

I think it'd be more like 50/50. Some marriages are moderating influences, and some are drama causing wastes of time.



posted on Jun, 23 2009 @ 07:59 PM
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Originally posted by CavemanDD
reply to post by kinda kurious
 
Don't fall into trying to please everyone, fitting in this imaginary box.



I know some people like that. They have the "disease to please" and short-change their own self respect and dignity.

Personally, I would rather be "trusted" than "liked." I feel it is a more admirable quality.

Regards...KK

[edit on 23-6-2009 by kinda kurious]



posted on Jun, 24 2009 @ 11:23 AM
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reply to post by Novise
 


I agree, marriage is no guarantee, many serial killers have been happily married.

But as a general indicator of whether or not someone is a jerk, your ability to convince a member of the opposite sex to like you to the point where they agree, at least initially, to spend the rest of their life with you, is a pretty good indicator IMO.

After that, just having someone around who is willing to point out where your behavior and attitude are going off the rails can come in very handy as a means of avoiding jerkdom.

Marriage isn't perfect, but it's better than the option.



posted on Jun, 24 2009 @ 11:52 AM
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I saw this thread, and I felt compelled to respond.

Jerkdom (Self Serving, Nassicistic, Overly egotistical) is the reason the west is crumbling.

I don't mean self assurance, Self esteem, or that.

I speak of that Me First, Always attitude that is the hallmark of the jerk.

The main reason that this is bad for society is that society is a cooperative effort.

If we are not cooperating, then the society breaks down.

Secondly, capitalism has enforced the Jerk syndrome because individually, stepping on as many people as possible is a GREAT way to get ahead in ALL areas of life.

Unfortunately, this erodes the very fabric of society itself, that of mutual gain through cooperation.

Unfortunately, For men, the jerk syndrome is very appealing, as it works so well.

Women will typically flock to th jerks (younger women) and so being a self serving jerk typically is seen to have greater rewards than being civil.

For women, being a Jerk is in the same capitalistic way, very fulfilling, as more stuff gained through stepping on people is seen as more fulfilling to most.

This is the trap of a capitalistic civilization.

Civilization is based upon Mutual gain through cooperation, and yet capitalism is based on personal gain through Competition for resources.

This battle to "Keep up with the jonses" in a finite resource environment is pulling the seams of civilizaiton apart.

I think Ghandi had it right when he was asked what he thought of "Western Civilization" and he replied:

"I think it would be a good idea"


More on this behavioral problem that is endemic in society can be found by checking out the works of John Nash (The Nash Equilibrium) and his work on Game theory applied to Managerial styles.

All managerial models have been based on Nash's postulates, that "Everyone is only out for themselves" and this, since their introduction, all managerial styles have been essentially parasitic, and predatory in nature, and totally unsustainable in any long term sense.

So, basically....

Being a Jerk is popular because it gets YOU ahead.

but Being a jerk is WRONG because we ALL end up behind.


This is the fundamental Behavioral paradox inherent in "Jerkdom"

Yeah, they are successful...

But so are leeches.

And neither can survive without a host.


-Edrick



posted on Jun, 24 2009 @ 12:02 PM
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reply to post by Lumpyloaf
 


That's funny, I'm experiencing the same thing. I used to be very, very, polite, even when I had no reason. Increasingly I'm finding that I don't have to put up with peoples sh*t, and stupidty. More and more I find myself putting my foot (metaphorically) up peoples behind in order to get anyting done, or done right. Ironically, I'm a lot more happier for it.



posted on Jun, 24 2009 @ 02:11 PM
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I wanted to add that it's obvious jerks get ahead in our society. I've had few friends throughout my life because I was too nice, and was unwilling to compromise my principals for the sake of fitting in.

I'm entirely okay with this, too. In a year, I'll be out of the city, and away from much of the insanity. It seems the less densely populated areas have a smaller jerk to human ratio. I think competition increases proportionally to the higher amount of humans in a given area. Spread us out, calm the world down.



posted on Jun, 24 2009 @ 03:47 PM
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Originally posted by TheStev
On the flipside, I've been a nice guy my entire life and it's got me precisely nowhere. It may be cliche, but nice guys really do finish last. It's the jerks of the world who get what they want.

Sure, it shouldn't be that way, but in my experience it is.


You are right, I will tell you why.

In a world of good and honest people the one which is a jerk looses most.
In a world of selfish and arogant people the one which is a nice, altruistig guy looses most.

Guess which world we live in?



posted on Jun, 24 2009 @ 05:26 PM
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Originally posted by Pericle
You are right, I will tell you why.

In a world of good and honest people the one which is a jerk looses most.
In a world of selfish and arogant people the one which is a nice, altruistig guy looses most.

Guess which world we live in?


Very well said. What's truly tragic is that for a while there I actually believed that by being a good guy I could encourage others to be the same and actually make a difference to that balance. Naivety epitomised.

As hard as it is to recognise your jerkdom and become a good, honest, caring person - it's much harder to ignore your caring side and just be a jerk. At least that's how I've found it.



posted on Jun, 24 2009 @ 08:03 PM
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Originally posted by Sundancer
reply to post by FritosBBQTwist
 


Ah Fritos, lots of your posts make me laugh. Don't worry about the mean lady, you know where she lives next time your dog has to poop.


Indeed I do!

Is it just me - or is everyone else's neighbors (about 30-40%) just complete grouches? That isn't the majority, but for always having such a bad attitude toward the people you live by, it sure feels like a lot...

On 4th of July - there were 3 reports to the police about my "house" setting off fireworks...the police didn't care, they said it is their job to "respond" and said that we were fine, but don't do it "to late"...

I consider myself nice, but will tell someone off if it needs to happen.



posted on Jun, 25 2009 @ 06:14 AM
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Originally posted by TheStev
On the flipside, I've been a nice guy my entire life and it's got me precisely nowhere. It may be cliche, but nice guys really do finish last. It's the jerks of the world who get what they want.

Sure, it shouldn't be that way, but in my experience it is.



Couldn't help myself noticing this: "So the last will be first, and the first will be last" Matt 20:16




posted on Jun, 25 2009 @ 01:25 PM
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I used to be a real B*tch in high school. I didn't think that I was until I read my yearbook my senior year and I had comments from people saying that they thought I was mean but I turned out to be cool. It was kind of shocking to me! When I was in high school I got into a lot of things I probably shouldn't have, but the point is that I WAS selfish, I only cared about myself and how I was going to get money to get my "fix" or whatever.

After I became clean I started to realize how selfish I was, I blew off family, friends, canceled plans that were already set in stone, etc. That was the turning point in my life I think where I started to become more "nice" if you will. I just started to surround myself with positive people and my life changed drastically. This change didn't happen right away, it happened over a period of years. I finally became comfortable with myself and decided to only surround myself with positivity...after all, whats the point in being a negative person all the time?? It's a waste of energy. I am happy where I'm at in my life now and I always find myself smiling at people, holding doors, or helping the single mom at the local wal-mart unload her cart...doing little things like that helps me feel better about myself.

That being said, it's okay to be nice, but not TOO nice. That is when people take advantage of you. Thats why I try not to associate with sneaky, conniving people, because they see your niceness as a sign of weakness.



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