You Make Me Feel Stupid

To send your wife an email with words you knew (or assumed) she would not understand and then inserted links to definitions was just plain rude and incredibly condescending. You flaunt your vocabulary to point out to her how "stupid" she is and the pretend not to notice that you insulted her. Please!

reply to post by autowrench


DO NOT feel bad for making people sound stupid.

They're just dolts for not reading and educating themselves.

People have varying levels of intelligence and you can't expect us all to be on that same level of knowledge.

in fact, I understand your OP and your words - what's so bad?

You need to find people who CAN understand you - they're not friends if they make you regret doing things, especially good things like picking up a book and hunting for knowledge.

It was told to me once and I completely took it to heart....
"Iam not responsible for your feelings, or your feelings about my actions..only you are"
So if I feel stupid, it's not someone else's doing..it's my own.
As for speaking intelligently to others, or trying to increase their level of education or understanding on any given subject..first off, my rule is never without consent or enthusiastic curiosity at best.
Second rule..to be intelligent enough to understand that I need to explain things in a way that the other person can understand and relate to..or the knowledge is useless and easily forgotten.
Teaching others is simple..you don't try to immediately bring them up to your level...you go to theirs..and bring them up slowly.
The minute they feel.."stupid"..they have stopped listening.

Good Day Autowrench.

I'll begin by saying you should apologize to your wife. Seriously.
You can strike a conversation with anyone for that matter, especially with your friends where they can tell you precisely how they feel......towards
whatever...right?
But your wife? That's sacred man. :shk:
Ever hear the phrase: "Don't sh*t where you eat.." ??

In a yes or no question, is it worth to you (personally) that you make her
"feel stupid" after spitting knowledge towards a particular subject?
That's not the true sign of an intellect my friend, no matter of how many books you read, or how many people you can "roast."

Half the battle of a true intellect is being a LISTENER.!

Let me tell you why........I noticed you wrote "Israel Sucks."
Now, I can understand your feelings on a "political" matter or view, but you're generalizing Israel......meaning....you're not @ an intellect level for generalizing (the subject).
Perhaps you will read a book on Israeli culture, or meet a Jewish person
that might teach you a different meaning or concept of Israeli......philosophies.....adaptations.....spiritual.....poetry...literature, you name it. .. .
I say this because I was ingnorant (when I was young) and anti-semitic even...because I based my views of Israel on a political level (like you have)....shame on me. Yep. I've changed for the better though.
And I'm not religious @ all, I should add.
I thank the "intellectual" Jewish people I met in NYC, that made me realize
that they're humans just like me and you.
There's bad & good no matter where you look.
So I opened my mind...*ahem*....intellectually. I am grateful. Truly.

One of the posters had mentioned "respect." I'm not saying you're being disrespectful towards your wife, but quite frankly, she knows you beter than any1, right?
You know her better than any1, right?
Well, it's fair to say you have failed in getting your point(s) across to the person who understands you better than anyone.
Threfore your intellectuality skills could be sharpened, considerably.
No offense.

You see, your first fallacy autowrench is "assumimg" you're smarter than someone just because of your better knowledge on the subject.

Dead wrong.


Now, I feel your pain. I get frustrated, especially when I try to prove my point(s) correctly, and no mattter how right I am (or feel I am) some people are just stubborn. Oh well. And yes....there are some that deeply sadden me on their approach (in discussion) in general...Waddaya gonna do?

In my situation, or personal belief rather, I feel just as good being proven wrong sometimes as proving some1 right.....because, yes, you can be wrong too. It's part of the learning process imo.
< You can accept that as another intellect might. True to the game.


Some people might have the personality of a medicine ball. And that's not your fault....What IS your fault, is feeling your superiority.
Not a fault....but a weakness in discussion.
Sometimes....it's worth to say: " You say why? I say why bother....."
AccessD brought up an EXCELLENT point as well.....the minute they feel stupid, chances are you've lost their interest in the way and character of your teachings, or blessings.

Ahh yes.
Can't change the world all at once.
You should know this.....
However, I *tip my hat* for your efforts to enlighten people.
*Power 2 ya*
I participate in the same actions.......and @ the end of the day, if I can enlighten some1, it's what makes all the books I've read (thousands as well) totally WORTH IT.

Never consider yourself smarter than (other) people autowrench.
(ex)Just because you *might be able tell me Cuba's history, doesn't mean you can't run into a CUBAN person who you might think is dumb (or not as intellect) because he works in a sugar factory, but yet that person can most likely can give you a more personal, more prolific, better meaning of Cuba's history with personal account & experience, that you can never "feel" ot fathom in any book, or read in any literature written, or recorded.

The other thing....or word.....I've discovered in myself when I'm intellectually involved in a converation/debate/roast is PATIENCE my friend.
( edit 2 add) --->> *tune in*

www.youtube.com...

If you don't have the patience, than you'll find yourself in a more difficult circumstance trying to get your point across. Trust me.
Another sign of a true intellect is the (patience) in listening, then responding.....if you've ever been skooled on a thread by Schrodinger's Dog on this ATS (or BTS) since you've been here, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.......and he's spent the majority of his younger years DJing, boozing, and the nightlife.....how ironic hu?

See.....never underestimate anyon1.!

Back on topic. You might feel better @ the end of the day, feel smarter about yourself because you can spit' game @ someone, & you automatically feel smarter than them because (perhaps) you make them feel dumbed down. That's not being an intellect, because, really, what have you achieved? Zilch.
If you want to be more an intellect, you should pick your battles more carefully and get into a discussion with some1 that CHALLENGES you.
Period.
When you feel you have more to learn on a subject(s), which in my honest opinion there's always more to learn on any subject, then that's when you can be on an intellect level with someone. Or any1 for that matter.
Subjects are infinite for the most part.
AND indulge in some cookies & chocolates or lotsa bourbon as your reward, because you feel better about yourself......that's entirely up to you.

Ohhh, and your wife...Yes. Maybe you did such a poor job trying to explain it to her, and that's why you made her feel dumb.
Again, you know her better than any1 on this planet, so if you got your point across "succesfully" perhaps she would've come home from work (or whatever) feeling like she learned something (educational) from you because you were so eloquent, and graceful in explaining it to her, and getting your point across. Feel me?

So, no offense.....but you're not quite the intellect you think you are.
I mean that in a respectful, truthful way autowrench....& looking forward in participating in discussions with you in the future. *cheers*

Alla prossima.



[edit on 22-6-2009 by Ben Niceknowinya]

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It is great that you have been able to educate yourself and there is no problem with exhibiting your intellegence to your friends and people around you.

The deal with your common law wife, in my opinion the action of actually putting a link for her to look up your words was a whole different deal. The problem with that action is that you put yourself in a position of looking boastful or smug. If she had any questions about your words she could've asked you or looked them up herself.

That was the only action you described in your post that I found would've been insulting.

reply to post by UmbraSumus

I didn't know much because I only made it to the 10th grade because my ex husband wouldn't let me finish school because I was going to have a baby. But since I divorce my husband. I have learned a lot by read posts in here and reading books too.

reply to post by autowrench
please dont mean that about that first book,lve always been a reader and have made a solumn promise to never buya kindle because i love my books so much (please excue any typos becausde it 3.20 am in the UK. Thos people who negged your out were just jealous. I did something really clever in work today to help out a younger member of staff and held up my hands to take full responsibility for the repecussions, she was so bloody grateful, yet it was really nothing but maybe shed never considedred the possibility that she could have sorted it hersself.
I have to go to bed my typos are getting worse, man, you sound alright i wish you were my pal.

I have had relationships in the past that have landed me in the same predicament - most often times it comes out during arguments, the other person will start trying to belittle me because I make them feel like they're less intelligent. It's completely unintentional on my part I feel, and usually I'm not aware it's even happening until someone brings it up.

You can try to educate others, or help them to see the benefits of soaking in as much knowledge as they can, but it isn't your job to try and turn someone else into a brainiac - nor should you dumb yourself down for others. Be humble about it. I can see where you wife may have been offended when you attached links to words you felt she may not have understood - personally I think that was a bit much, and she probably in that moment felt like you were rubbing your intelligence in her face. It's one thing to be a smart guy, it's something else entirely to flaunt it around to others, especially when they're already feeling vulnerable [ie. you guys were arguing].

You're right that you can't 'make' people feel a certain way - we're all responsible to an extent for our thoughts and feelings, what we let get to us, etc.. But also we are responsible for how we treat people, and how we project ourselves. Chances are if people are under the impression that you make them feel stupid, there is a part you play in that as well. Just speaking from experience - it's one thing to be more intelligent than others, more well read, more knowledgeable in certain areas, but when you blatantly spell things out slowly for people and make a thing of it, of course they're going to feel stupid standing next to you.

But don't ever feel badly about what brings you joy, and keep striving to learn from every experience, every day of your life.

reply to post by autowrench

Now to me, stupidity is a choice one makes, while ignorance is simply a lack of knowledge. A person chooses to be "stupid." How is that someone can "make," operative word, a person feel anything at all, especially stupid? How do you do that?

Do you really think these friends care about semantics? (stupid vs. ignorant)

When you exhibit your depth of learning, it spotlights their lack of it...and they are letting you know it...albeit, in a fairly juvenile way.

Still though, you have choices...
1. Continue what you are doing, and they can simply live with it.
2. Get different friends.
3. Try and dumb down your conversation when around them and spare their feelings.

Personally, I do option 3 (even with my own mother). It's funny, because every once in a while, I'll slip up, and use a "fancy" word, and instead of realizing what I'm doing, she thinks I'm trying to sound smarter... If she only knew... Oh well. I have no desire to make her feel bad...so what she doesn't know, won't hurt her.

I can see right now that I was meant for a specific person 4 years ago. I went on my stupid ways, I didn't see what was in front of my face on different levels and I lost it, since we always lose time.

I just don't unerstand how I can be so stupid not to see whats in front of me. I am just kicking back realizing everything.

I had forgotten about this post, thank you all for the replies, as always, people in here are mostly friendly, and that is something I truly appreciate. As for my wife, we have come to an understanding. She now realizes that her intelligence just is not on par with mine, and?! this is not her fault, and should not have a bearing on our relationship. So what if I know more than here! That way, I can be there to advise her in matters she needs help in. She is a lot better at math, and running a household budget, I cannot do that very well at all. I have taken to explaining things to her, not being condensing, I would never do that to her, but just informing her as to what is going on. Just yesterday I faithfully explained to her how an HHO generator works, how the electrolysis works, and how the gasses mix again in a form not exactly in a natural occurring state, but usable, none the less.

I have noticed a lot of fighting among couples of late, just yesterday I watched as a man and his wife argued over something trivial, and wondered if they ever made up? Again, thanks for the replies. Auto

reply to post by autowrench


The economy's in the crapper, and so are many couples' finances... Since money is the root of most arguments...there you go.

reply to post by autowrench


I think I know your type. You're the kind of person that knows a lot more than other people so when other people talk to you what you say to them gets lost in translation. There is nothing wrong with being technical, and, knowing as much as you know. In fact, I kind of admire the fact that you are so knowledgeable without having ever attended an actual college. You read books. You know what you're talking about...

Many people just don't know that much. I always assume that when I talk to someone they don't have the same intricate understanding of a subject that I do, so, I always have to explain it to them. They like certain things a lot more than I do. I like certain things a lot more than they do. So, when I have an interest in something they don't, I treat them like a kindergardener. This was the first thing I learned when I was working for the newspaper at my school. I was interviewing people about the tea party, and, almost none of the people I interviewed knew what it actually was. They had very little understanding about the budget problems that faced our country. They also didn't know about what the tax rate was, or, anything like that.

I go into things assuming that the other person knows less than me, and, I try to talk to them about stuff in a way that they would understand. Maybe it might mean dumbing things down a bit... but as long as you don't lose what you say, or, what you want to say doesn't get lost in translation it should be fine.