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Rant! Angry, Hostile, Vengeful!

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posted on Jun, 16 2009 @ 03:13 PM
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So, I grew up in a rather upper class family, single mom, sis, that's it, dad was a millionaire in egypt, oil tycoonist.

Shtf when Enron went down, we lost everything and my dad was dissasociated with the family.

We went from a big two story house, lots of rooms, to living with my grandmother, since then my mom lost all her drive to work or do anything for that matter.

So i've been working my a^^ off since then to try and build my status back up again. Small jobs, workin everyday till I was old enough to get a real job.

I worked with the guys painting the roads and stuff through a reference and harrassment
.

Then finally got a job at Pizza Hut for 3 years and became a shift manager up there. Still without a car relying on my boss to pick me up!

Eventually, I got into trouble with the law, and that's that, so I've gone through some hurting, and was let go by my boss.

Unchanged I starting working twice as hard at a new job, it was a gas station and paid more, I paid off the local gov't, and had put enough away for a Rodeo 95, then about 6-7 months later, the Cars power steering went out, sprint screwed me over and made a 60 dollar bill into 700!!!

I took the car to a mechanic, it was totalled! Much more damage, so I grab my savings and bought a 2,000 dollar lincoln 96, nothing wrong with it, and bluebook is 4,000 dollars, so heck of a deal. Runs great.

All of this happening, my dad passes away, and the inheritance is lost to the Tyler Hospital! MOFOS!

I'm struggling to pay the rent in my apartment, but I don't have any car bills, i'm thankful for that.



Here's what ticks me off, my friend sean, was given a toyato tundra the newest kind right out of high school, (we're in the same class) but sean does alot of (ahem 70's gesture, but the hardcore kind) and has been steadily wasting his life away.

I was glad to learn that I was at a subway job, getting paid crap while he was the same at walmart.

Yesterday he calls me with great news, he's now making 15 an hour, in the marketing sector for this big corporation, apparently someone liked him and he got an in, now we're talking about getting an apt together to make it easier for both of us paying rent, so I told him I was happy for him

But i'm pissed, how do you practically throw your life away and care about nothing, and get this, (HE HAS NO EXPERIENCE, I'm ( ) that far away from my business degree!!!!!!

How can I not seem to catch a break anytime! Every step I try to take up the ladder, something just pulls me all the way back down.

I haven't lost my drive, but c'mon, this pisses me off to no end!!!

I swear if sean became homeless, he'd end up being the president within a week, and all he would do is just sit there, just sit there.:bash:




posted on Jun, 16 2009 @ 03:30 PM
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No worries o8...your journey is different than his.

When I was first out of school I had similar feelings to yours. But then I read something that made me think. I'd quote it but I honestly don't remember where it came from.

Life is like a river. When you find yourself caught up in raging or turbulent water, you need to relax, trust in yourself and go with the flow. The current will always bring you to smoother waters. If you flail and struggle against it, you will end up bruised, battered or maybe worse.

Follow your own current. Pay no mind to where others are floating.

It sounds to me like you are determined and have a plan. That's important. Now relax and trust in it. Tweak as necessary to meet your goals




[edit on 16/6/2009 by kosmicjack]



posted on Jun, 16 2009 @ 04:13 PM
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Excellent advice from Jack there. Some people are not corporate people, and the corporates can spot us a mile off....we're the smart ones who work hard, and ask too many questions, and get fired, or made redundant when they find out we're too challenging to all their crappy habits.

You know what to do. Just do it.



posted on Jun, 16 2009 @ 11:45 PM
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reply to post by kosmicjack
 


I get what you're saying, and I know it's the right advice, it's what i'd tell someone.

But Dmit, its frustrating!

My dad died the same year he had planned on retiring, just months before it was done, and everything he'd worked his whole life for, went to a hospital, if that's not a motivation crusher, I don't know what is!



posted on Jun, 18 2009 @ 06:13 PM
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Originally posted by Republican08
So, I grew up in a rather upper class family, single mom, sis, that's it, dad was a millionaire in egypt, oil tycoonist.

Shtf when Enron went down, we lost everything and my dad was dissasociated with the family.

We went from a big two story house, lots of rooms, to living with my grandmother, since then my mom lost all her drive to work or do anything for that matter.

So i've been working my a^^ off since then to try and build my status back up again. Small jobs, workin everyday till I was old enough to get a real job.

I worked with the guys painting the roads and stuff through a reference and harrassment
.

Then finally got a job at Pizza Hut for 3 years and became a shift manager up there. Still without a car relying on my boss to pick me up!

Eventually, I got into trouble with the law, and that's that, so I've gone through some hurting, and was let go by my boss.

Unchanged I starting working twice as hard at a new job, it was a gas station and paid more, I paid off the local gov't, and had put enough away for a Rodeo 95, then about 6-7 months later, the Cars power steering went out, sprint screwed me over and made a 60 dollar bill into 700!!!

I took the car to a mechanic, it was totalled! Much more damage, so I grab my savings and bought a 2,000 dollar lincoln 96, nothing wrong with it, and bluebook is 4,000 dollars, so heck of a deal. Runs great.

All of this happening, my dad passes away, and the inheritance is lost to the Tyler Hospital! MOFOS!

I'm struggling to pay the rent in my apartment, but I don't have any car bills, i'm thankful for that.



Here's what ticks me off, my friend sean, was given a toyato tundra the newest kind right out of high school, (we're in the same class) but sean does alot of (ahem 70's gesture, but the hardcore kind) and has been steadily wasting his life away.

I was glad to learn that I was at a subway job, getting paid crap while he was the same at walmart.

Yesterday he calls me with great news, he's now making 15 an hour, in the marketing sector for this big corporation, apparently someone liked him and he got an in, now we're talking about getting an apt together to make it easier for both of us paying rent, so I told him I was happy for him

But i'm pissed, how do you practically throw your life away and care about nothing, and get this, (HE HAS NO EXPERIENCE, I'm ( ) that far away from my business degree!!!!!!

How can I not seem to catch a break anytime! Every step I try to take up the ladder, something just pulls me all the way back down.

I haven't lost my drive, but c'mon, this pisses me off to no end!!!

I swear if sean became homeless, he'd end up being the president within a week, and all he would do is just sit there, just sit there.:bash:


I am surprised to see you of all people saying something like this as you have a wise mind at least from what I see of your comments on the boards so far.

I can relate to your comments entirely from my own life so far albeit different in many ways I do not know.

I came from a wealthy family and a happy one on the surface.

My father worked his butt off to give me and my sister material possessions that we wanted as kids. He did a very good job but was never there.

My mother on the other hand spent all her time taking me to her bits on the side, locking me in cupboards while she did the dirty, leaving me in the car, beating me up anytime I tried to tell my father what was going on with my mother at the time. Ill keep that part short for reasons self explanatory. My sis was younger and fortunately did not have to see all of it and to cut a long story short my parents split, naturally when my father found out all about what was going on with my mother who by the time he found out was a chronic alcoholic, argumentative piece of work and he realised one night when I decided at a young age I wasnt taking another beating off her and struck back.

I am cutting a long story short here, I spent around 5 years of my life being told by my mother that everything I had saw and remember to this day was all in my head and I had issues. I spent a long time wanting to prove to my parents I could have a stable relationship, worklife, family, house and show them that I can be better because of the crap I endured when my father was working hard. In the end, I was working as a salesmen years ago, drinking too much which I never wanted to do, an aggresive person to be around which was not natural of me, lost with purpose, arguing with my partner constantly, disillusioned with life in general sort of speak from trying so hard to prove my family wrong. I bumped into one of my mothers friends who had fallen out with her when all of this nonsense she got up to had begun years ago, I asked her about a few names (guys she cheated on my father with) I remembered when she asked how my mother was ( who i no longer speak too) and told her how I knew them. It turned out all of what I remember is true, the woman was shocked I could remember, I told my father all about it, I told my partner about it as well, when i confronted my mother all hell broke loose but now I stand with my own family, my own house, a great father who understands me, a sister who turns toward me in times of need.

Anyways I could go on but the reason I write this to you is because of this one tiny thing.

You can spend your life trying to either be someone or prevent yourself from becoming someone for many reasons.

This will only lead to circles of pain and suffering until you move beyond that and be who you want to and are meant to be.

Be yourself and go get your cake mate.

Trust me.

If this doesnt make sense, I can assure you it will at some point but I hope it makes sense right now because you sound like you need to understand this. You are not anyone else, learn from them but dont make your life about becoming or preventing yourself becoming them.

Cheers.


[edit on 18-6-2009 by XXXN3O]



posted on Jun, 18 2009 @ 11:24 PM
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reply to post by XXXN3O
 


Haha, dude, I was reading that whole thing, and just laughing, because it's extremely parellel with my life.

I remember the cupboard times.

The thing is though, that I don't understand is, that my mother, doesn't remember it at all, I think it's just a mental disorder the women in my family have. Every girl on my moms side, is just whacked out so bad it's surreal.



The frustration really, comes from just wanting to be a VIP somewhere anywhere, it's not like i'm untalented, unattractive, or anything. I'm talented attractive, self aware to know this respectively.

I'm just waiting for my break, and wondering now if it's gonna come. I'm seeing all my friends having these great things in their lives start happening, and I look at myself, and I have a huge scar on my record, (it'll go away though, i'm thankful for that) for being stupid at one point, my dad just died, I was fired from my job because I was ***** his crush.

I know half of those are my own fault, but should this blind squirel find a nut sooner or later?

I do appreciate your posts too, I should probably add you as a friend, but the avatar really stands out, so it's easy to tell.

ATS loves videos, so here's how I feel summed up.



I've been told i'm one of the most charismatic person people have ever met, i'm attractive because i'm a severe perfectionist (probably from childhood being so f=ed up) i'm pretty much good in every base.

I think this is all in due, mostly to the Giant red mark on my record, it goes away in April 2010. On the first. I have it marked on a calendar, i'm stoked about it, it's like a 12 year old waiting for christmas X1000!



posted on Jun, 19 2009 @ 05:24 PM
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Originally posted by Republican08
reply to post by XXXN3O
 


Haha, dude, I was reading that whole thing, and just laughing, because it's extremely parellel with my life.

I remember the cupboard times.

The thing is though, that I don't understand is, that my mother, doesn't remember it at all, I think it's just a mental disorder the women in my family have. Every girl on my moms side, is just whacked out so bad it's surreal.



The frustration really, comes from just wanting to be a VIP somewhere anywhere, it's not like i'm untalented, unattractive, or anything. I'm talented attractive, self aware to know this respectively.

I'm just waiting for my break, and wondering now if it's gonna come. I'm seeing all my friends having these great things in their lives start happening, and I look at myself, and I have a huge scar on my record, (it'll go away though, i'm thankful for that) for being stupid at one point, my dad just died, I was fired from my job because I was ***** his crush.

I know half of those are my own fault, but should this blind squirel find a nut sooner or later?

I do appreciate your posts too, I should probably add you as a friend, but the avatar really stands out, so it's easy to tell.

ATS loves videos, so here's how I feel summed up.



I've been told i'm one of the most charismatic person people have ever met, i'm attractive because i'm a severe perfectionist (probably from childhood being so f=ed up) i'm pretty much good in every base.

I think this is all in due, mostly to the Giant red mark on my record, it goes away in April 2010. On the first. I have it marked on a calendar, i'm stoked about it, it's like a 12 year old waiting for christmas X1000!



I think its more to do with people being unable to accept what they have done wrong for fear of guilt overtaking them in life when it comes to families being awful at times.

I really do have to say to you that wealth brings nothing in the end, focus on what really matters and you will find that wealth will find you on its own materialistic wise that is.

If you want more and more when it comes to material possessions it will never satisfy you no matter how much you get. Whereas if you look at things such as a family for example, you will find that when you finally get a family that is in harmony you will look around one day and realise that you got that as an added bonus (money) and you appreciate it so much more. I believe everything happens for a reason and if you are experiencing this then its a lesson that life is teaching you, I can completely relate to you, I have just went through a period of 10 months unemployment that has really tested me among other things to add as well.

Ever just tried letting go of life, what I mean by that is just enjoying what is there for you and taking care of the things you have with appreciation. That may seem like just denying a spade is a spade but it really is not the case, I am not saying be positive with absolutely everying, that would be lying but I am saying do you appreciate conversations you have, people who are trying to help you, people who need your help, do you seek things you really feel you need to be doing without waiting another day, do you take life far too seriously when it comes to how people view you rather than how you view yourself? I hope that makes some sense to you.
Before you know it if you truly appreciate what you have around you, you will have so much more of the things that you forgot you even felt you needed.

I know where you are coming from entirely but like I said in my previous post, with regards to others around you getting things they want etc, you cannot live a life that you are not meant for even if you want to keep up or feel you must for whatever reasons.

Trust me on this, the people who are reaping what seems to be what they have sown, ie good seeds, will only fall on there butts given time unless they are good people. They might seem good but many are not.

Give it time and you will see what I mean. I dont bullsh!t.

Cheer up chief, you will find you calling, it might not be to your liking but it will make you fulfilled in the end.

I feel like I am speaking to myself a few months ago when I was frustrated, angry and feeling helpless at the cards I was dealt. Soon you will understand that the cards have two sides I hope because life is after all just cornflakes when it comes to money, jobs, materialistic things, social life etc. You die and those things die with you but having a family that loves each other, a partner you love more than life itself, a nice home that is peaceful is worth so much more to your soul than money or anything along those lines if you get me.

The question you should really be asking is, what do you want from life and what would satisfy you in the end when you are sitting in a bed dying?

At least this is how I now look at life but I found other things that I dont want to rabble on with as it would be seen as forcing my views down your throat but even after babbling like this I still think this is a reasonable thing to say, ie above, without going further.

I wish you well and you will get your cake, trust me, sometimes life teaches you a lesson though as I am sure others would agree and it can be frustrating but it makes sense after it passes.

Cheers

[edit on 19-6-2009 by XXXN3O]



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