Originally posted by TheMythLives
Why have you tried so many? Did you give up, didn't want to commit?
I've tried so many times because I don't want to smoke, I perhaps haven't been able to quit because I haven't been ready to let go of something
that has become a 'crutch' even though, essentially I don't feel a need for that crutch anymore.
Originally posted by TheMythLives
What type of social dynamic, cliques are hardly a reason. Was it because they were idiots (rude) to you or others? Do you consider yourself a misfit?
As for everyone smoking, just because they do it does not mean you have to..lol.. but you did, so lets see what we can do.
Okay, this has got very personal, very quickly...
Just to fill in, sixth form in the UK is school 16-18 years. The numbers were much greater than at my previous school, and they were very much
divided into 'sets' and I found it hard to fit in, but I managed initially. About half way through my first year one of my teachers developed an
excessive interest in me. Not only did he pursue me very aggressively, but he sought out my friends and boyfriends to the extent that it felt as
though I had no respite. He would walk up to me in a group and say he needed to see me to discuss an essay or something, all at the same time as
telling me that I mustn't tell anyone as he would lose his job. He couldn't help himself, etc etc.
Smoker's corner was somewhere to hide, it gave me a little freedom, I knew that it was somewhere that he wouldn't follow me, he'd stand out too
much. It was a situation that I found very hard to cope with and smoking gave me an out without actually having to confront the issue, not that I
felt capable, then, of doing that. In retrospect it seems like nothing, but then I found it very hard to deal with, I was very shy and I was
struggling with anorexia. It was the third time in two years that I had had to deal with unwanted attention from a much older man, one was a teacher
at my previous school, but then I had a support network to fall back on. I felt very isolated in this case. But then I think that was the intention.
Smoking therefore was a way of avoiding my problems.
Originally posted by TheMythLives
1) I want you to get a piece of paper and pen
2) Write down what you feel when you GET a cigarette and write what you feel when you are THINKING about getting a cigarette.
Lets see what we can do.
Okay...do you want me to share these scribblings? Or should I await further instructions...?