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A spokesperson for the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (CERN) has confirmed the fears of many in the scientific
world after revealing that the reason for the sudden closure of the Large Hadron Collider, the world's most expensive physics experiment, was not due to "technical problems" as previously stated, but because its controversial particle collisions have sensationally rendered a "tiny black hole" in the fabric of space.
The Obama administration's shadowy Special Crisis Operations (SCO) executive, Mr. C. Norris, told Washington reporters at a hastily-arranged news conference that his elite team was monitoring the situation closely and was ready to resolve any emerging crisis once it had "sorted out this global warming business and the current financial mess." The Tech Herald wishes all its readers a very happy April 01.