Help ATS with a contribution via PayPal:
learn more

Top ten reasons for being...

page: 1
0

log in

join

posted on May, 2 2004 @ 06:42 AM
link   
TOP TEN REASON TO BE FRENCH

1) When speaking fast, you can make yourself sound like a homo.
2) It's easy being a soap dodger.
3) You get to eat ****ty little things like snails and frogs' legs.
4) You know what you are ordering in expensive restaurants.
5) You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4.
6) You can test your own nuclear weapons far away from your own doorstep.
7) You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8) If there's a war you can surrender really early.
9) You don't have to bother with toilets - just **** in a hole.
10) People think you're a great lover even when you're crap.
------------------------------------------------

TOP ELEVEN REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH

1) Two World Wars and one World Cup, all against the Germans.
2) Warm beer.
3) You get to confuse Americans with the rules of cricket.
4) You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5) Union Jack underpants.
6) Water shortages guaranteed every summer.
7) Puts you in with a chance of bedding Joan Collins.
8) Bathing once a week whether you need to or not.
9) Changing underwear once a week whether you need to or not.
10) Beats being Welsh.
11) Or Scottish.

------------------------------------------------

TOP TEN REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN

1) In-depth knowledge of bizaare pasta shapes.
2) Not embarrased to wear fur.
3) No need to worry about tax returns.
4) Glorious military history - until about 400 A.D.
5) Can wear sunglasses inside.
6) Political stability.
7) Flexible working hours.
8) Live near the Pope.
9) Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
10) Sweating tenors.

------------------------------------------------

TOP TEN REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH

1) You can be mistaken for a Mexican all over North America.
2) The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3) You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc etc.
4) The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5) Everyone else makes crap paella and insists that it's the real thing.
6) Hard to get the women into bed without marrying them...
7) ...and twice as hard if you're not a Catholic.
8) In fact, the only way is to dress up in silly, too-tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
9) You get to eat bulls' testicles.
10) Supported Argentina in Falklands War.

------------------------------------------------

TOP TEN REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN

1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)

-----------------------------------------------

TOP TEN REASONS FOR BEING IRISH

1) The Guinness is great.
2) The craic is great.
3) You won't get in a craic (crack) unless you get married.
4) You can't have sex with a condom on.
5) Thus you must have sex without one on.
6) No-one can remember the night before.
7) If you don't agree with me I'll blow you up.
8) The stew is great.
9) The Murphy's is great.
10) Er...best go to the pub and have a think.

------------------------------------------------

TOP TEN REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN

1) You can speak 3 languages in one sentence without realizing it.
2) You get to own a dog that's smaller than your cat.
3) You can go out for a beer at 3am, and the bar is just livening up.
4) You can speak French as your native language without actually being French.
5) When driving you can try and kill every pedestrian that dares to step onto a zebra crossing.
6) You never have to tip in restaurants or cabs.
7) No-one knows where your country is.
8) You can step in a dozen variety of dog**** between your front door and your car.
9) You have a royal family that no-one's ever heard of.
10) You can queue for an hour in a post office to buy a stamp and think it was good service.
------------------------------------------
TOP TEN REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN

1) You can have a woman president without electing her.
2) You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3) You can call Budweiser beer.
4) You can be a crook and still be president.
5) If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
6) If you can breathe you can get a gun.
7) You get to be really obese.
8) You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
9) You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy".
10) You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
10a) When you're not.
10b) At all.

-------------------------------
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN
1) It beats being an American
2) Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground
3) You can play ice hockey 12 months a year, outdoors
4) Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground
5) Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6) A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise
7) Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground
8) Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their skins
9) Own-an-Eskimo scheme
10) Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground

--------------------------------

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN
1) Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard that no civilized nation on earth wanted
2) Fosters Lager
3) Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you
4) Tact and sensitivity
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10) ???



TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GREEK :

1. You get to shout about your culture although the only real culture most Greeks have is what is growing between their toes.
2. The police is even more corrupt than the criminals they are supposed to be chasing.
3. You can blow your nose in the street by pinching it between the thumb and forefinger and trumpeting forth without everyone around wretching their stomach contents up at the sight.
4. Old women can sport moustaches.
5. Young women can sport moustaches.
6. Men can be hairier than the average grizzly bear and not get put in a zoo.
7. You get to call the bouzouki a musical instrument when the rest of the world sees it as an instrument of torture.
8. You are the only nation to have lost its marbles and still wants to let everyone else around the world know about it
9. Ridiculous bureaucracy.
10. Nana Mouskouri and Demis Roussos.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH :

1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.
2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.
3. a. You can legally kill yourself
b. You can legally be killed
4. You're exactly like the Germans, except that nobody hates you.
5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks Copenhagen is your capital.....
6. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a national tradition.
7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country
8. You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still
you've never seen your neighbours.
9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame
the Germans. If you lose your keys, blame the Germans.
10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge





--------------------------------

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SCOTTISH :
1. You ain't English!
2. You ain't English!
3. You ain't English!
4. You ain't English!
5. You ain't English!
6. You ain't English!
7. You ain't English!
8. You ain't English!
9. You ain't English!
10. You ain't English!
-------------------------------------

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH :

1. You've got to be having a laugh, haven't you?


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING NORWEGIAN :

1. You get to pay the highest taxes in the world.
2. You can kill baby seals and eat Rudolf the Reindeer.
3. You live in total freezing darkness half the year and get 24 hour ozone-hole radiation the other half.
4. You can get capital punishment for smoking dope.
5. You can go skiing in your knickers.
6. You get to hate the Swedes and beat the Brazilians in football.
7. You have to be a woman to get anywhere.
8. You don't need to worry about land prices rocketing -
its fairly spacious.
9. When abroad you can impress people you meet with stories about
killing polar bears and shagging penguins - and they believe you.
10. You can actually get bored with blondes.




posted on May, 2 2004 @ 07:01 AM
link   
Oooh I wonder which country you come from

Ha, highly racist, highly sarcastic, and alot of it's true (not all, don't want to make myself look mean) except I love the Scottish and Welsh


Although you'll probably got a lot of stick for this, good luck anyhoo...



posted on May, 2 2004 @ 07:04 AM
link   
They are mostly not funny and offensive. in my opinion. Perhaps I'm too PC.





[Edited on 2-5-2004 by Zzub]



posted on May, 2 2004 @ 11:36 AM
link   
Well, I think they're hilarious.

Pisky posted something very similar (maybe it was this same thing, can't remember) in another group that was taking itself way too seriously. Not to mention annoyingly PC.

There is a reason there are generalities and stereotypes of different nationalities. Somewhere along the line people noticed that on the whole, a certain race/nationality would act this way or tend to do this or that thing. Sure, every single individual who is a member of whichever race/nationality won't. But a good majority of them will. And this is where stereotypes come from.

Now the PC brigade would have you believe it was wrong to think this way. The PC brigade wouldn't know the truth if it bit them on the ass.

Just because the PC brigade says it's offensive to call a banana yellow, because the colour yellow happens to be a derogatory term, doesn't detract from the simple fact that a banana is INDEED yellow.



posted on May, 2 2004 @ 12:03 PM
link   
Hey, you can't attack me for having an opinion. I just don't find these all that clever. People find different things funny. I find a few of them offensive.

My original post was to say that this was posted in the wrong forum, as it was posted in the political scandal forum.



posted on May, 2 2004 @ 12:08 PM
link   
I wouldn't call them racist - they denigrate virtually everyone
Some are even funny.

This is what I posted in the other group that KayEM mentioned ...

Three Proofs

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN
His first name was Jesus.
He was bilingual.
He was always being harassed by the authorities.

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK
He called everybody "brother."
He liked Gospel.
He couldn't get a fair trial.

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH
He went into his father's business.
He lived at home until he was 33.
He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure he was God.

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN
He talked with his hands.
He had wine with every meal.
He worked in the building trades.

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN
He never cut his hair.
He walked around barefoot.
He started a new religion.

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH
He never got married.
He was always telling stories.
He loved green pastures.

And now the MOST compelling proofs:

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN

He managed to feed a crowd, at a moments notice, when there was no food.

He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.

Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.



Needless to say, I got slammed for it by the PC brigade (although many of the Christians thought it was funny
)



posted on May, 2 2004 @ 12:28 PM
link   

Originally posted by Zzub
Hey, you can't attack me for having an opinion.


I don't think I attacked you at all, Zzub. I didn't quote you or even use your name, I just posted my own opinion the same as you. Please read my post again.



posted on May, 3 2004 @ 07:59 AM
link   
Argh. My apologies, I thought your post was in reaction to mine. Sorry for the confusuion. I clearly jumped the gun.

Also, I must have been feeling stressed and uptight when I saw this post. I've re-read it and some of them are pretty funny. He he.


*makes mental note to lighten up*



posted on Jul, 8 2004 @ 11:43 PM
link   
these are awsome. need more germem and french ones though. i like the english ones too.

"two world wars and one world cup, al aginst the germans." he he



posted on Jul, 11 2004 @ 11:34 AM
link   
Wow someone reallly hates the U.S.......

So #ing what if we( Canadian army actually British) burnt down the state capitol.. Get over it...

These aren't even half funny except for maybe the braiding arm pit hair thing.

If all you can do is think "hard" and even still come up with retarded one liners about America I wouldn't even attempt to post a thread like.

I moved to the U.S from Canada for very simple reasons......I've always loved the U.S I've always loved the people, believe it or not they are very friendly, and they AREN'T arrogant pricks like many brainwashed people believe, you know your typical lowsy rather childish stereotypes...

It's amazing the mentality I see on this board, it's rather pathetic actually.

YOu don't think millions of other people have said the same thing you said, nothing you said was original, everything you said came from everywhere else except for your own head.

I would say you've drank from the same stupid cup millions of other people like you did...



[Edited on 12-7-2004 by TrueLies]






top topics



 
0

log in

join