The fairytale were taught when young.

Most of us have read those fairytales. Were having such a hard time in life and we never think were going to find the one, and here comes the guy at the bus stop and excedes all our expecations.

Just another case of "I never though in a million years we would fall in love and we did."

So my question is, do you think these sappy love movies sort of ruin things for us? I mean we start to think after awhile, if this relationship doesnt go according to perfect fairytale plan, then its obviously just not meant to be.

We spend too much time looking for a perfect scenerio, that if it falls short even one bit, our doubts overcome us.

And we all know the movie The Notebook. How many of us girls out there just awed over something happening for us like that?

I just got done watching the movie "He's Just Not That Into You." and this excerpt, I dedicate, to all the ladies out there who are trying to find the one, and who maybe be expecting a fairytale every day we wake up.

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. but sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never gave up hope. "

I kinda thnk along the lines that some of us gals hold on to the fairytale concept as an excuse to stay unhappy.

I don't think any man can rescue me. Rescue me from what exactly? Im here to enjoy it all and make it the best of life that I can, and am happy to share that with someone or not.....

Only if they compliment me, not to complete me.

Whilst i enjoy the odd chick flick ( i cant help myself) i think most of it is rubbish.

Save us from what? and ride away on a steed to where?

I love my life, and Im happy to share that love. I have never waited for someone to make it better, thats my job

That is one of the best quotes I have ever read. Only to compliment me, not to complete me.

And what you said about hanging onto to it for an excuse to be unhappy, thats definetly something to think about! Thanks for reply!

The "rescue the girl" scenario is unhealthy as it pepetuates the view that being helpless is somehow a desirable trait so a woman downplays who she is. This of course means that when it comes time to show who she truly is she might be in for a shock. Alot of courtship customs/rituals are based on this premise so when the reality shows itself (ex. he find out she earns more) relationships often turn into battles for power. We really need some new customs.

[edit on 7-6-2009 by riley]

Gonna chime in here Jess..
I wasn't looking for love at all..I don't think he was either, but the minute we met..it was there.Neither one of us could deny it..
A fairytale? YES..definitely..and I thought I would be the last person to have a Cinderella story.
That doesn't mean there haven't been trials and tribulations, and even yes..doubts...never about how we felt about each other, just how to make it work.
I would have been, and was quite ready to just live my life alone..hook up if the opportunity presented itself, and just leave love out of the equation. Then it hit me like a tsunami....
And he doesn't just COMPLETE me..he DOES COMPLIMENT me..and I do the same for him..that is what makes us perfect.

the movie "he's just not into you", had me laughing heaps and reminded me how unhappy I have been in some relationships and how mixed up I can still be when I nice cute guy gives me some attention..... I mean to say the whole issue goes very very deep. As girls we are taught by the multi media, fairy tales, stories and general chit chat that life is gonna be wonderful and the man is gonna be wonderful and the children are gonna be wonderful..... next thing we know its not that wonderful for some.

I think the fairy tale needs editing.

reply to post by AccessDenied



Oh of course. These Cinderella stories do happen. Which is wonderful that you had that.

But I think most girls are too hung up on it and therefor never find love because it wasnt up to par for them.

Thanks all of you's for the replys!

The movie was definetly funny and not only that but pretty darn realistic. Especially the part after the date where the girl totally though he was so into her and the guy pretty much wasnt intertested and was on calling the next girl as soon as they left the dinner.

reply to post by Jess_Undefined


Forget the movies..
read this:
browseinside.harpercollins.ca...

My wife and I would both agree that we got our fairytale...so stay hopeful!

The best advice I can give...marry a friend as well as a lover. If the person is both, you're golden.

Oh dont feel bad, everything in movies and entertainment is a lie.
Everything may get bad but always ends up perfect, the good guys always prevail and the evil is punished, there is no grey just black and white, them vs. us and if you are good nothing bad will happen.
The hero always gets the girl and live happily ever after.

The truth is the world does not operate in idealism.

The problem with humanity here is that we are perfectionists, we like things perfect, and when things are not up to par we discount them assuming something better will come. Thus some lost opportunities. And people are selfish by nature, so you will have lying, cheating, broken hearts...

As they say love is only a game of losers. Proof is the fact that we have exes. You always meet that perfect person, and have never been happier, and think it is meant to be, and then it ends, and you are sad, and some time after the cycle repeats.

Thinking about this recently I came to the epiphany of how meaningless relationships are.

You know that feeling you get when you are having sex with someone that you think you are in love with, it is like reaching infinity, souls intertwining, ying and yang colliding in a balance of black and white, creating a perfect circle?
When you look back at exes, how they cheated on you, how they hurt you, suddenly all those perfect moments seem diminished, seem horrible.
Each relationship is just like a pastime, to get you through to the next, a stepping stone, and each love is forgotten as soon as the next covers it up, and you start to see that we are just animals walking on two legs, and love is the biggest fairy tale of all. More like mutual reassurance of purpose.

And it is worse for guys. We have to deal with waves of shallow, annoying, prissy, self-absorbed, careless, judgemental, narcissistic girls who then complain about how celebrities are treated unfairly. Not to say that guys in general are better but at least you can tell right off the bat our personalities. Girls try to hide it.

Just feel lucky that you, like me, we are still young so cannot give up.

i never really grew up with any expectations, and by the time i was old enough to seriously think about a relationship, i was largely disenchanted with the whole idea.

but love has surprised me every so often

I think the fairy tale we are taught is incorrect. Society and the media play a huge part in the way we behave as well as our expectations. From both a male and a female standpoint the Fairy tale, as it is shoved down our throats, is incorrect. It is based on lies, manipulations, and focuses on material greed, lust and desire. Think about it a little bit Girls want to be rescued by a prince and taken to a castle, Boys want to be that prince and rescue the beautiful girl. As a result we get caught up in the fairy tale of a mortgage, 2.5 kids, car payments etc, That is not a fairy tale but it what is expected of us so we do it. The opposite end is also true for those where the fairy tale goes wrong it ends up in divorce and literally sucks the life out of those individuals.

However true love is real. It's just a matter of knowing what true love and realtionships really are. The quote somone put above is also one of my favorites. It's not the one that completes you it's the one that compliments you. Or, it's not the one you can live with it's the one you can't live without. If you are not secure in yourself then you will not be secure in your relationship.

Be true to yourself and allow your Love to be true to themselves as well. Your true love is your best friend, your lover, your confidant, your spirit, your shoulder, your heart, That person should be as much a part of you as you are a part of them. The bottom line is do not conform to what the world and the media determine true love is. Follow your heart and cherish every moment with that person becasue in the end that is all that matters and is all you really need for happiness, besides God of course which shows and teaches us what True love and relationships should be anyway, but thats another thread all together.

I think the fairytale caused me to try to hard at one time. Then, after a string of failed relationships, I just decided to be a dawg, and forget about relationships, just see out sexual partners. I'd tried dating services and other social clubs. Depressing.

Soooooo, about a year later, I transferred my credits to a different school, and changed my part-time job. Met lots of nice people who were always trying to analyze me (it was a counseling agency). I had a job as a night receptionist, as I could type 80+ wpm and they needed somebody to lock up that wasn't fearful of walking to their car at night. Also think it was a plus that I'm 6'3, as they needed someone who could reach the windows with the closing pole

About a year after that, I graduated, and came across one of my coworkers. Her hubby had left her for a younger model, and she was as disgusted with relationships as I was. We'd just go out and have fun -- no sex. She was a buddy, and we did buddy things, without the pressure of a linear progression.

Seems like all our friends knew before we did.

We were friends for six months before we even kissed....... and have now been together 22 years, married 20 years. I am a very lucky man, and I know it. m'Bride is the best.

I think if I could impart any advice, it would be that........ sometimes you find who you need when you stop looking for them.

All best

reply to post by Jess_Undefined


The media is only playing with our emotions!! You just have to find another person who has the same beliefs as you and it might work!

Ms 'live happily ever after' must find Mr 'live happily ever after' for this to work. It's something else if you find Mr 'Player'!

"hung up"? We as humans deserve every bit of it we can imagine. Love.

Dream away girls.. but if you do.. you actually have to believe it can happen, that you can be loved for who you are, and can love without fear.

I hoped and wished for 43 years. I gave up. I became convinced that I couldn't be loved by a man. Giving up made me want to die.
So in the dark one night, I asked for what I needed not what I "wanted".

What I needed went far beyond my dreams. I am grateful and humble for it.

Be careful what you "want". Take a good long look at what you "want".

I am loved. I love. Finally.

LOL have you read the "Cinderella Complex" its pretty funny. I blame Disney!

Anyways yes I have seen "The Notebook" and it always makes me cry and gives me hope lol and then I realize an hour later life is not really like that, although it happens. I guess you take that chance that maybe it might happen to you like that. IDK thats how I look at it. I have always had the fairytale image in my head and I know life isnt like that but one never knows. I am a romantic at heart.....As for the other movie I havent seen it yet. I have read the book the movie was based on and I loved it! I have also read "men are from mars and women are from venus" and all are pretty decent books. My current bf I didnt find in any type of fairly tale scenario, he actually annoyed me when I first met him and he is the opposite of anyone I have ever really been with and things are great. I was looking for mr.right and by what I normally looked for he was mr.wrong and then turned out to be mr.right......wow I hope that made sense. Sorry a little tired, but wanted to respond to this.. You should look up the "cinderella complex" its all about the fairytale life. It cracked me up.

I think part of the problem for us as women is that we believe the hype about the "one".

It's wonderful, though rare, that a couple is together forever. And yet we hold these relationships up as the ideal we should all strive for.

I have been with the "one" and he has been a different person at different times in my life. Some of "ones" lasted a few months, the longest thus far, five years. Each, in his own way, made me feel beautiful, sexy, happy, sad, and every other emotion on the spectrum that is life. I value each one as having given me something, some piece in the puzzle that is love.

I do hope that my present relationship ( 3 years and counting, met online and huge age gap!) is the "one" with whom I can grow old with. But I'm not going to berate myself if he isn't just because I can't fulfill society's ideal relationship.

At night, when we are lying together closely I can smell him, like freshly baked bread, I can hear his heart beating, his words are murmers, yet I hear them clearly - at those times he is the the "one".

The fairytale thing definately ruin things for us when we're younger. Its kinda crap because it can lead to you either carry on going through life hoping you'll get the fairytale and keep getting hurt, or become overly cynical. I opt for the latter

Its like when romeo & juliet came out (the one with Leonardo Dicaprio in), I used to love that scene where they first see eachother... But now Im a bit older I think if someone started staring at me like that Id feel slightly terrified, and be checking I had my rape alarm on me!
And besides, he was high, and if that relationship happened these days good old romeo would be on the sex offenders register.. and his friends would probably be in jail for being drug dealers.

Tell you whats a good film though- 'The Break Up'. Love that one, you totally expect them to fix things and get back together.. but they dont, and they both end up being happy!

The thing I see people missing today is the lack of sacrifice to make the relationship work. Yes, when we are young the excitement and the unknown about love makes it extremely intresting and at the same time ignorant and dangerous. In this great media age we are bombarded with so many different peoples ideas of what love really is and what we get from the television usually leaves out the bottom line. If our excitement is simply just leading us to sex than is that what our relationship is based on? Or can we get over it? Sacrifice? I didnt say sacrifice the sex by any means but to moderate it to ensure we are getting to know the other, makes it much more gratifying. Guys, if your looking at porno and seeing pictures and videos of different girls constantly, I guarentee you your going to end up being the one that is wrong about love. The problem is not just the yuppie grab all you can get female vanity, no, much of the problem comes from the man, believe I know, I am one. Men have desires too. Unfortunately men unexperienced men tend to fantisize about sex 10 more times than women do. See where this is going, the gratification men look for seems harmless to them until somebody gets pregnant. I can say its getting worse because I know and have seen it among young people for some time. The Attorney Generals Court and Divorce Court fills up with confused people everyday who thought they knew what love was and found out they where on a fruitless journey brought on by fannysizing unchecked. Its gets odder when you get older, usually one person accepts where they are in life and the other cant let go. The one who cant let go doesnt get love, because it is settling down. Why do our parents always warn us away from those curious young eyes. They know, young people in the modern day and age have much ambition which they cant let go of unless they experience some profound miracle of love. The miracle of love doesnt come to folks who have less than fortunate jobs, their love then is by check to check. At this point, if you cant let go and accept your reality, love is fruitless. This is why parents seem so mean and not understanding of those exploding harmones which temp the ambitions away in oblivion. However, the miracle can happen, but believe it is rare and worth waiting for, not rushing into. Knowing about the problems before you try love will save you from much heartache. Problem is our younger generations are not seeing this as they should. That fairy tale lying TV has us thinking inside its box intsead to the consequence box. You must find something you can live with if you want love, that means the problems too. If a person cant mold themselves to this, than lasting love will never come and the television wins the battle for your soul. Love is worked for and is not simple. Very complicated it is and is only enjoyed by those who like the challenge. Dont let the television and materialism decide for you. Work for it, if you want to keep it guys, its not going to be easy.

Seriously, how many guys watch The Bourne Ultimatum and actually do all of the stunts in that movie?